Page Ought: The scoop on series finales

That's right, Cultureshark's explosive--and exclusive--gossip column returns, and this time we're sharing the scoop on a host of network TV season finales. If you don't want spoilers, turn your heads, folks, because we have all the juicy tidbits right here

Desperate Housewives: Look for a dangerous situation to culminate in several inconvenient plot threads being wrapped up at once! Do NOT expect to see ex-castmember Nicollette Sheridan! And, oh, yeah: at least one character DIES.

Grey's Anatomy: A bunch of characters engage in some hand-wringing over their personal lives. Others engage in hand-wringing over a medical crisis. This is gonna be a real game changer. And one character DIES.

Private Practice: A bunch of characters engage in some hand-wringing over their personal lives. Others engage in hand-wringing over a medical crisis. This is gonna be a real game changer. And one character DIES.

Lost: Many confusing things unfold in a manner that appears to answer many questions but also leaves room for perpetual "interpretation." At least one character DIES.

House: House deals with the same drug addiction he's been dealing with for years. There is some sexual tension. And the idea of anything truly original happening DIES.

Two and a Half Men: The titular brothers get in an argument over a wacky situation. The notion of Charlie Sheen's dignity DIED many years ago.

Law and Order Special Victims Unit: The detectives struggle to solve the case of someone who died.

Heroes: Wait, this show ended a while ago, didn't it? Somebody died, right?

America's Next Top Model: The remaining contestants make bitchy comments. Someone's dream of becoming America's Next Top Model DIES.

Masterpiece Theater: When an unsuspecting person dies, a very British but slightly quirky detective tries to solve the case.

Page Ought

It's time for another installment of the hardest-hitting gossip column online, Page Ought! Welcome to a special all-blind-item edition. Folks, we're sorry to keep you in the dark, but these revelations are too hot to handle, and if we used names--hoo, boy, some lawyers would be a-makin' some money!

*We all know the Tiger Woods scandal has affected Tiger, but what about his associates, hmm? Word has it it that the superstar golfer himself isn't the only one sleeping around. Matter of fact, some, maybe even MANY of the people that have watched Tiger in the galleries ALSO have been unfaithful! I know, I know, but we have it on good authority, trust us!

*There have been a lot of rumors swirling around that some of the biggest names in Hollywood are secretly gay! Page Ought has done some digging and can confirm that...yes, they are.

*WHICH big-name actress was rude to someone on the set recently? Hey, no hints! OK, OK, since we like you, we'll tell you: It was a movie set, and the movie hasn't been released yet. But that's all you're getting from us!

*Page Ought hears that a certain prominent musician asked for a woman's phone number at a public occasion a few weeks ago...but still hasn't called her! Even though he's been in town most of the time! Guess you can take the boy out of the rock, but you can't take the rock out of the boy...if you know what we mean!

Page Ought: George Clooney is a nice guy?

Welcome to the debut of Page Ought, the hard-hitting Cultureshark gossip column!

OVERHEARD by one observer early Thursday morning at a well-populated public spot...

OK, OK, it was me, I was at the pediatricians', and I was listening as some of the receptionist/administrative staff were talking about the celebrities in D.C. for the inauguration.

One said that her friend was with George Clooney the whole day (not a "Pretty Woman" arrangement but some kind of minder/assistant function, I gather) and he "is the nicest guy." Another woman echoed that sentiment, saying, "That's what I hear from everyone," and then they both agreed that Clooney's a great person as others nodded assent.

So, Clooney haters, and I know you're out there, much as you might like to paint him an elitist out-of-touch Hollywood egomaniac, among this sector of "the people," he's a a helluva bloke.