Merry Christmas Again!

At the risk of stealing the thunder of the Internet's foremost Doris Day Show chronicler, good buddy and Friend of the Site Ivan at Thrilling Days of Yesteryear, I want to say Merry Christmas again. I mean, really, should we be that quick to discard the holiday so soon and move on? I say let it linger a bit. But it's not just ME wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. No, it's Doris herself. Look at her. She's talking right to us!

And let me tell you, folks, if a major star has Rose Marie, Denver Pyle, Paul Smith, and McLean Stevenson (not to mention, uh, two kids and a dog) at her pad, yet she still takes the time to wish YOU season's greetings, you should be flattered!

Merry Christmas!

Because Bob Newhart is still awesome enough to make this hat look cool, and also because we can say another good-bye to Marcia Wallace....

From all of us to all you, Merry Christmas, everyone!

That sneaky Alice! (Happy Christmas Eve)

I watched the Brady Bunch's Christmas episode, "The Voice of Christmas" for the first time in years recently. I actually screened it with the kids, and seeing it with them really made this corny, ol' show come to life again for me. They loved it.

One thing about this episode bothers me, though. Alice is trying to hide a gift, and she is snooping around in Mike and Carol's bedroom for a spot to stash a sizable package. First she opens a closet:

Then she opens another closet. The Bradys sure had plenty of closet space (please hold your Robert Reed jokes).

Next she tries under the bed, because no one ever looks there for a gift, right?

Groovy wrapping paper, right? Problem is she bumps into something, which makes her realize her spot isn't as original as she thought:

So Alice gives up, and as you can tell by the look on her face, she is disgusted because she actually has to...

Put the gift IN HER OWN ROOM!

Seriously, Alice has her own quarters, an area in which no one else, with the obvious exception of Sam the Butcher ever enters. She has the perfect place to store a present. Yet she goes peeping around the Bradys' master bedroom. What exactly is Alice hiding under HER bed, hmm?

Here's hoping your presents are safe and sound tonight!

Awesome 80's Video #4: "She's Right on Time" by Billy Joel

It's time for a special CHRISTMAS edition of the Awesome 80's video, and today I spotlight a song which, were it not for the clip, I wouldn't associate with the holidays at all. But, oh, what a Christmas video it is! From "The Nylon Curtain" LP, I give you...

She’s Right on Time

Yes, it's the Long Island Lover himself, Billy Joel, in this 1982 clip, which offers a very Joelian melody and certainly features Billyian—nah, I prefer Joelian—singing throughout. I don’t think I ever heard this on the radio, though, and the video never seems to make it into those holiday video blocks you see despite the first line talking about turning on all the Christmas lights because baby’s coming home tonight. He doesn’t sing about jingle bells in the song, but the video shows him trimming the tree, so that’s more than enough to make it a holiday video in my book. Or at least on my blog.

Actually, Joel or whoever conceived this video (probably not Joel) decided not to sentimentalize the love song, but rather to go the other way and make a farce. Here the regular guy appeal of Joel works like a charm. He’s primping and looks well groomed and has a bunch of photos in his pad that suggest he gets around, but lest you think he’s trying to play some macho stud, look at what happens in the video. While his woman makes her way over, he readies his place with disastrous results. I mean, one goofy thing after another happens. Stuff falls, crashes, sparks literally fly, the place is a mess, there is kind of a false end to the song, then an even bigger accident happens, and all the while Joel—not exactly the master thespian—provides just enough of a nonchalant but mildly concerned deadpan to carry it along. At least, I think he’s underplaying. The important thing is this video just gives us a good series of funny mishaps. And did I mention this video BREAKS STUFF? In the span of 4 minutes, Joel somehow does even more damage here than he has in almost 50 years of getting behind the wheel.

If this weren’t enough, his ladyfriend experiences her own calamities while walking to Billy’s apartment, though breaking a heel doesn’t exactly compare to nearly setting a good chunk of Manhattan ablaze. Still, she shows up at the door as weary as Joel is, and they finally get together. Here we notice something remarkable: Joel’s girlfriend is African-American. She actually has that classic 1984/1985 young black woman look, in hairstyle, makeup, even skin tone, which is pretty remarkable considering it’s 1982. They don’t make a big deal out of it, or any deal out of it, and maybe I should feel embarrassed for doing so myself, but, hey, you got to respect this video’s cultural relevance considering that the finale features the first interracial kiss on television.

NOTE: Don’t let the fact that Kirk and Uhura kissed 15 years earlier make that last sentence any less relevant. Also, ignore the fact that they don’t actually kiss at the end but just gently kind of nuzzle their heads together. Hey, forget it, I’m on a roll. Besides, it is actually a sweet ending. After all, as Billy himself sang, “Leave a Tender Moment Alone.”

Instant Gratification Theater: Christmas options on streaming video

You might have your stack of Christmas DVDs next to the tube already, all arranged for holiday week viewing, but if you're looking for some lesser-known streaming video options this year, I recommend the following:

Hulu Plus: This service irritated me by yanking season 1 of "Kojak," but thankfully it retained season 3, which features the Christmas episode "How Cruel the Frost, How Bright the Stars." Is that title poetic or pretentious or both? YOU make the call, but make sure you go ahead and click on the episode because it's a doozy.

I will avoid spoiling all the surprises in this one, but let me tell you to look for no fewer than 3 cameos by future 1980s TV icons. Look for Theo Kojak's wistful memories of the New York City in which he grew up, contrasted to what it had become (remember, this is 1975), and a classic exclamation he shouts to no one in particular at the end of the episode that alone justifies a month's fee of Hulu Plus.

Along the way, Kojak helps some hookers with a heart of gold, does a good deal of crimestopping (and a lot--I mean, this is no deskbound cop, to be sure, but as I told my pal when touting this episode, they don't call the show "Crocker") and spreads some holiday cheer at the office party by graciously accepting, even embracing, a gag gift. Kojak is the man, and this episode deserves place in anyone's classic TV Christmas festival.

Also on Hulu is something billed as "Bing Crosby: White Christmas Show." This is a USO production from 1956 aimed at servicemen and packed--just packed, I tells ya--with stars. Best of all, it wins me over immediately by having all the celebs introduce themselves at the beginning like they're All-Americans coming out on a Bob Hope special. Some of them play it straight, but some do a little bit of business, with even Der Bingle doing a little "cough take" with his pipe as he says his name.

The rest of the 90-some minutes features comedy bits, songs, and awkward interstitial segments with the likes of Dick Powell , Gregory Peck, and Kim Novak introducing acts in a kind of quasi-rap as a jazzy beat plays. Some of it is beautiful, some of it is great, and some of it is quite dated--I'm always wary of "comic monologues" from long ago, but you have to see Dick Shawn's rock and roller parody--but all of it is entertaining. Although most of the content is not explicitly connected to Christmas, it is a great piece of holiday cheer for the whole family or even for just the enthusiast of classic Hollywood and TV. You'll see Jack Benny, Jimmy Stewart, Danny Kaye, Lena Horne, Louis Armstrong, a monologue from Hope himself, and much, much more.

YouTube: I'm not going to link to it because I have a paranoid fear that linking to anything on YouTube makes it more likely someone will force it down, but most if not all Dr. Katz episodes are available, including Season 1, episode 10, "Office Management." This one has routines by Ray Romano and Carol Leifer and, more germane to this post, the good doctor attempting to throw an "office party" and engage receptionist Laura in the fun. The results, of course, are hilarious.

The Wonderful World of TCM: Holiday Affair redux AND a bonusaa

Yes, it's finally time once again for me to revisit The Greatest Cable Channel Known to Mankind (ka-ching! Hey, wait...). Rare is the time these days I get a chance to sit and watch an entire film as it unfolds on Turner Classic Movies, but I made a special effort to plunk myself down in a chair at Cultureshark Tower when the network screened Holiday Affair (1949) last weekend.

I've written about this movie before, so let me see if I can add anything new this time. Somehow "Holiday Affair" has become one of my favorites. It's a relatively unassuming and underappreciated Christmas classic, but I feel incomplete if I don't at least see a good chunk of it each season. In that older post I talked about how the the courtroom scene stood out for me, with Harry Morgan's sardonic judge trying to walk away with the whole movie. This time, it's a cool scene with star Robert Mitchum and second banana/hapless soon-to-be ex-boyfriend Wendell Corey trying to make chitchat while they wait for Janet Leigh to come back in the room. They exchange banalities about the weather while trying to hide their mutual suspicion from each other...or maybe not. Mitchum's reactions in this scene are particularly priceless. Just the way he cocks an eyebrow and gives an offhand "Is that so?" cracks me up. Mitchum plays Steve Mason as a guy who knows he is going to take Janet Leigh from Corey, who knows that Corey knows it, and is just doing the bare minimum to maintain the pretense of NOT knowing it..but is amused by the whole thing.

Another highlight comes when Mitch drops the pretense and, after being invited to join the widow Leigh and her little boy, her current boyfriend, and her former in-laws for Christmas dinner, makes a speech about Janet should marry HIM instead of the lame lawyer sitting 3 feet away. Sure, they ask him to say a few words, but I think the table is expecting something more along the lines of "God rest ye merry gentlemen." Bob says, "Well, you asked for it," but goes ahead and says what's on his mind, pointing out how it's probably better to do that than to go around behind Corey's back. Of course this speech only makes Mitchum's no-BS character only cooler and Corey's Carl Davis all the more hapless.

I quoted him last time, but the line stands out 5 years later, so let me again tell you what poor Carl Davis has to say to Janet Leigh's gorgeous young widow: "You look like a tired beautiful girl instead of just a beautiful girl." Pardon me while I regurgitate my egg nog. There's a reason I haven't put any spoiler tags in here when mentioning that Mitchum is gonna take Leigh away.

I watched Ben Mankiewiecz's intro and learned that this box office disappointment opened on Christmas Eve. Really? These days, any Christmas movie that thinks it has a chance to make any money opens by Thanksgiving and tries to milk the season for as long as it can. It's not for nothing that I'm talking about this movie today instead of December 26.

If you want to see this TCM perennial again or for the first time and don't have the DVD, TCM is playing it again Christmas Eve at 4:15. Tell 'em Cultureshark sent you. And tell 'em he appreciates that B-Mank gives it its props and that the channel runs it every year. Oh, and also, "Holiday Affair" is currently available On Demand on my cable system in the TCM section.

Speaking of On Demand, TCM's corner of that universe has changed a bit in recent months. In its CONcast incarnation, it used to offer a group of movies for about a month at a time. Now it seems like the offerings are rotated much more frequently and a broader range of titles are offered. Last week I saw the 1936 RKO football picture "The Big Game," and I recommend it as a fun early sports movie, except it's already gone from the On Demand lineup.

Phillip Huston and Bruce Cabot star as college football players, and there are cameos by a host of real-life gridiron stars, including Jay Berwanger, the first ever Heisman winner. Apart from the frequent comic relief provided by Andy Devine's overage player named "Pop" (because he has a wife and kids, see), the movie is a fairly tough look at some serious issues affecting the game in those days: Gambling, exploitation of amateurs by money-making universities, unethical operations in athletic departments...Gee, it's a good thing we don't have to worry about any of those things anymore, huh? There is a remarkable speech one player gives about wanting to get HIS since the system is using all of them that could fit right in during a modern-day football flick.

"The Big Game" isn't the best old-time college football movie--that of course is "Horsefeathers"--but I never see it discussed in conversations about sports films, and it deserves a look. I don't remember seeing it run on TCM, actually, which made catching it On Demand a real delight. Check it out if it returns or if it shows up on the network proper.