UWF Wrestling on ESPN Classic

There are probably a lot of pro wrestling haters who are enraged that ESPN Classic is devoting an hour each night to showing UWF episodes. I get that; really, I do. I feel the same way when they run Arli$$ or car auctions or something like that. But as a lover of old-school rassling from way back (well, the 80s), I am absolutely riveted by this addition to the schedule. What better way to spend time in the '00s than by watching stars of the '80s as they hung on past their primes in the '90s?

Unfortunately, ESPN started cycling back through and showing repeats a few weeks ago, but really, these are all technically "repeats," and if you haven't seen them yet, get on board now before the network locks them back in the vault for another decade or so.

I should mention this is not the critically acclaimed Bill Watts-promoted UWF organization that grew out of the old Mid-South territory. No, this is the early 1990s UWF, a company run by Herb Abrams, a man who--well, let's turn this to my valued and occasionally even trusted research assistant, Wik E. Pedia:

According to Mick Foley, before his death, Abrams was found nude, destroying furniture with a baseball bat.[1] Not long afterwards, he died while in police custody.[1]

And, sports fans, that's the sanitized version.

Abrams' "brainchild" is a classic example of TV so bad it's good, especially if you're a wrestling fan and can appreciate how incompetent the product is. But perhaps "bad" isn't the best way to describe it. Really, the joy of watching these shows today is how random it all seems.

First of all, ESPN Classic is running cut-down half-hour versions of The UWF Fury Hour, which was originally an hourlong program. So announcers will make reference to things we'll see, which we don't; and things we've seen, which we haven't. Better yet, ESPN is showing these out of sequence, so you may actually see that thing to which we're referring...3 nights later.

Watching these as they air now is a surreal experience, as the announcers change from episode to episode. The wrestlers and storylines change. Most amsuingly, the venues change. The more-professional looking TV tapings were held in an actual arena, and in those shows you can almost picture the UWF as a legit entity. Decent wrestlers like Dr. Death and Paul Ornodorff add credibility. That could be a 1:00 AM show. Then at 1:30, the locale shifts, and you're watching The Power Twins take on Joe Schmoe and Curtis Bloe in a high school gym.

Some of the other elements that create the heightened randomness of UWF Wrestling:

*Inexplicable theme music: OK, Cowboy Bob Orton coming down to the theme from "Bonanza" kind of makes sense. I can buy Don Muraco entering to "Hawaii Five-0." But whose idea was it to give Paul Orndorff "U Can't Touch This"?

*Announcers crapping on their own product: One of the most hilarious segments I've ever seen on a TV wrestling program came when Craig DeGeorge, Lou Albano, and Bruno Sammartino collectively trashed a horrible match they were supposed to be calling. Oh, and by the way? The fact that those 3 announce for UWF is itself awesomely random.

*Before They Were Stars: See future notables like the late Louie Spiccoli, wrestling as "Cutie Pie."

*After they were stars: See past notables like Billy Jack Haynes, wrestling as if he ate a lot of pies since his heyday.

*General confusion: Especially when you see these shows out of sequence, many of the storylines make little sense. The in-ring action makes no sense. Wrestlers are disqualified for no reason, or they are not disqualified for no apparent reason. Time limit draws come out of nowhere. Matches end awkwardly and make you wonder what was supposed to happen.

*Bizarre interviews: You haven't lived as a wrestling fan till you've seen the "Captain Lou's Corner" segments in which Albano and some notable like B. Brian Blair ramble on in an apparent effort to prove cocaine use didn't go out of style with the end of the 1980s.

Catch it now before ESPN yanks it and confines it once more to Wrestlecrap oblivion. It may not be for non-wrestling fans--hell, it probably isn't even FOR wrestling fans--but it's...well, it's something, and I'm enjoying it.