If you're like me, when you first saw the title of Adam Sandler's latest opus, you had the obvious assumption: It's clearly about Sandler gaining super powers to battle a demented (well, even more so) version of Linday Lohan from an alternate universe where she is known as Zohan. Right?
No, wrong. Evidently Sandler is an elite Israeli commando or something who yearns to be a hairdresser.
Hmm, which version is more ludicrous?
What makes this surely such a crummy movie? I could give the usual litany of Sandler-related gripes. I mean, we all dread certain things when faced with one of his efforts (I mean his "standard" flicks, not the "vying for cred" works like "Punch-Drunk Love" and "Spanglish"): You know, those things guaranteed to make us cringe, such as the stale 70s tune on the soundtrack, the scrunching up the face and SHOUTING FOR NO GOOD REASON bit, the dreaded Rob Schneider appearance...
In this case, I don't fear any of those. I've come to expect them and look out for them accordingly. This time, I'm rattled by the sight of a bulked-up Sandler. In his Method attempt to inhabit the role of Israeli commando, Sandler put on a little muscle, and while he's not exactly The Rock (but then, The Rock isn't really The Rock anymore), he's kind of...buff?
Maybe the comic is a gym rat who enjoys exercising his guns by doing more than just strumming an acoustic guitar while making up silly tunes. But I can't help but consider a more sinister possibility.
Is Adam Sandler on the juice?
I expect steroids in athletes. I expect them in entertainment. I expect them in Carrot Top. But this is too far for me. I can't tolerate this. The notion of Billy Madison using chemical means to sculpt his body, even though I have no proof that he did, instantly shatters any possible desire I'd have to watch this movie. Can you imagine one of Sandler's manchild temper tantrums being enhanced by roid rage? I CAN. It's enough to make me steer wayyyy clear.
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