Tuesday, July 12, 2011

My wife reads "People" so you don't have to: What's really important

The July 11 issue of "People" Magazine is a solid return to form for the publication because it gets back to its business of delivering information about what really, really MATTERS to its readers. "People" readers, which is really all of us by proxy, it's just that some of us have wives who read it do we don't have to, don't care about high-profile trials or the royals. Well, they care about these things, but it's not the true priority at the top of the list. They don't even care most about Brad and Angelina, except as how it relates to the one thing that really matters to everyone.

Yes, if you read "People" and even the other celebrity rags out there, you KNOW what the most important thing in life is, the single topic most vital to the collective readership, and that is the constant effort to answer the following question:
Is Jennifer Aniston happy?

And of course, those of us who follow these periodicals know that the only way we can even entertain the possibility that Jen is happy is if she is in a satisfying relationship with a hot guy.

Well, the July 11 issue tells us that Jen is crazy for her latest man, Justin Theroux, and the two of them are doing just fine together. In fact, a photo that takes up nearly two whole pages, 55 and 56, shows the delighted couple enjoying life together.

Maybe this'll be the one, we think. Maybe it'll stick. Maybe Jen has finally found a man and can therefore--finally--be happy.

But if Justin isn't the one, we can rest assured "People" will update us on the newest round in poor Jennifer Aniston's never-ending quest to find fulfillment in the form of an attractive male celebrity companion.

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