The 10 most annoying new shows of the fall season

Go elsewhere for your comprehensive TV season previews. I don't have access to the pilots; I don't know for sure how good or bad the new shows will be. But I can watch those goofy preview specials the networks run, and I can do a little research to gather some poop on what they'll be like.

So far I don't see any new series that jump out at me as potential winners. What I DO see are a host of shows I think I need to avoid. Here, then, is my speculative and subjective list of the 10 new fall network TV programs I predict will be the most annoying.

10) Hellcats (CW): Annoying because this show about cheerleaders is gonna try to be "Glee." And we have enough "Glee" as it is.

9) Hawaii Five-0 (CBS): Because no matter how good it is, it's not the original, and why isn't the original on TV regularly?

8) Outsourced (NBC): A sitcom in which every joke is about India's cultural differences, or its workers' accents or names, might have been funny in 1987. Today it looks to wear out its welcome in about 5 minutes.

7) Law and Order: Los Angeles: Seriously? Just keep the old one on the air. I mean, come on.

6) The Defenders (CBS): Countless talented actors are looking for steady gigs, and CBS gives an hour a week to Jim Belushi and Jerry O'Connell. Not to mention, this swipes the title of a notable 1960s legal drama that NEVER gets aired anywhere. I'd sure rather watch that one than a vehicle for these two guys straining to be hip "maverick" lawyers.

5) Outlaw (NBC): Speaking of mavericks, in his new show about a Supreme Court who quits the bench to become a lawyer, Jimmy Smits ain't just a maverick. He's...care to guess? He's...that's right, an OUTLAW! The preview material NBC is releasing shows Smits' character drinking, gambling, and consorting with women--you know, so we know this guy is edgy. I didn't see it in the NBC preview special, but I'll bet you an "L.A. Law" residual check that there's at least one scene in the pilot of Smits standing on a balcony and smoking a cigar as he looks over the city in which he's determined to ride outlaw.

4) Nikita (CW) and The Whole Truth (ABC) (tie): OK, I'm cheating by listing two shows in one entries, but, hey, think of it as added value for your money--and come to think, this is free! Anyway, each is annoying for the same reason: overfamiliarity. Yeah, everything on TV has been done before, but at least "Hawaii Five-0," an example of a blatant retread, hasn't been on the air for 30 years. "Nikita" is based on two movies and a previous series with the same concept, all of which aired in the last two decades. Plus Nikita is that played-out character type of the babe who is supposed to be an ass-kicker despite weighing about 110 pounds.

"Whole Truth's" gimmick is that it's a legal drama that looks at both sides of a case. Hasn't that been done several times in the last few years alone? Maybe I exaggerate, but "Law and Order: Trial by Jury," at least, comes to mind, and I say that's enough to prove my point.

3) Better Than You (ABC): At first glance, this appears to be just another mediocre network sitcom, but if you got a glance at the cast on the "red carpet" on ABC's Fall Preview special, you were likely irritated just at the sight of these people. Maybe as individuals, especially in different settings, each is a decent person. But somehow, lined up together in that atmosphere, they all looked like compete wise-asses. I didn't have any desire to watch a television program featuring them. There was just something off-putting and cocky about them, so much so that as soon as the show cut to them and I saw the smirk on one guy's face, I said out loud, "Pass." I don't think I can take this one.

2) S#*! My Dad Says: I don't want to see unpronounceable symbols in the title of a show. Just talking about this show is annoying. In this case, if we say "Bleep," we're being lame. If we say the "real" word, we're being vulgar. Even trying to spell it for this post irks me. Seeing the #*! combination is funny in the right medium, but unless Sarge Snorkel is gonna run onto the set and beat the s#*! out of William Shatner while shouting epithets, it has no place on CBS.

1) The Event (NBC): Despite massive evidence that audiences don't have the patience for new cryptic serialized dramas that string viewers along--hell, despite some evidence that audiences don't even have the patience for the ones they like--NBC is giving it a shot. From what I see, this show appears to consist of a bunch of big shots talking to each other about The Event without actually saying what it is:

Man: I think he wants to know about The Event.
Woman: We can't tell him about The Event.
Man: You don't think he's ready to know about The Event?
Woman: He can't handle The Event.

I'm already sick of The Event, and I've only seen about two minutes of footage. This is my easy pick for most annoying new show of 2010.