Karma strikes the Shark

Well, perhaps as a result of my bailing out on the planned Thanksgiving edition of Budget DVD theater, Verizonicus, the Roman God of Technology, saw fit to take out my router on that very holiday, disconnecting me from the Internet.

I discovered what was wrong Friday night, and a tech rep promised me a replacement AC adapter would be on the way for Sunday morning delivery. I found that time frame a little odd, given that it would require Verizon to do work on Saturday and UPS to do a delivery on Sunday, but since the lass said several times the part would come Sunday morning, I expected it to arrive...wait for it...Sunday morning.

Well, of course, you know that UPS, unlike Charles Kuralt, doesn't DO Sunday mornings. Heck, I thought I knew that. Well, that tech rep certainly didn't know that. Sunday afternoon, I called FIOS again and was told, "First and foremost, she never should have told you that."

(That has to be one of the worst phrases to hear in life, not just in tech support)

Hedging my bets, I had gone to a Verizon Experience store at the mall on Saturday and taken along a couple of failing remotes and the faulty (according to that first tech person) AC adaptor for the router. I told a guy the remotes were becoming less responsive, and he went to the back and got two brand-new ones, then handed them over, no questions asked.

Well, I was so delirious with the odd sensation of receiving instant gratification from a cable TV provider that I never even thought to ask for credit on my account or anything for the Internet. Plus, keep in mind, I thought I was getting a replacement part the next morning. But I did manage to tell the guy about the router/power supply issue, and he nodded his head knowingly, said something like, "Yeah, we get that a lot," then returned with a brand-new AC adaptor!

If I were thinking clearly, I could have said, "Hey, I don't get free HBO and Cinemax anymore," and he would have walked to the back and brought me back a bundle of those.

Unfortunately, that free adaptor did not fit my FIOS router, so it was useless, Still, I was a happy man Saturday (except for that part where Penn State lost), especially after discovering how well the new remotes worked. The standard fast-forward buttons hadn't worked well for the last few weeks, each requiring the strength of the Hulk and the contortions of Plastic Man to maneuver the button into doing that basic function. The 30-second skip button hadn't worked on either remote for months. Ah, but the new remotes let us fast-forward and skip away! So much for my conspiracy theory that FIOS disabled those buttons at the behest of the networks to force us to watch commercials. They have not done so...yet.

I got a whole lot unhappier Sunday morning, of course, when Tech #2 told me I could expect the part Tuesday morning, meaning two more days without Internet access, not to mention the many features of FIOS-TV (on-demand programming, program guide updates, etc.) reliant on connection through the router. Oh, well, at least the guy had the courtesy to not make fun of me for believing I'd get a package Sunday morning. At least, not till I hung up.

But there may well be a conspiracy to pay me back for skipping out on Thanksgiving's Budget DVD Theater, because as of late Monday night, I am still without Internet access, still without a functioning router, and I post this update from an undisclosed location. Fear not, I will be updating the blog this week, and someday, somehow, we'll get to Budget DVD Theater. You hear me, Verizonicus? I said, we'll get to it! Now send me that power supply!