A week of female-centered television

You know the worst thing about being sick? That's right: Being sick. But the second-worst thing is the inadvertent exposure to some of the television that's on when you would otherwise be living a productive life (as opposed to the TV you choose to watch when you are deliberately being unproductive).

This past week, I witnessed several different types of chick-center--uh, television aimed at a female audience, shall we say. It was not good. It's bad enough that I have to flee from the family room when "Grey's Anatomy" comes on Thursdays, lest I catch something; this past week was rife with potential hazards.

I will admit that I watched the beginning of an episode of "The Talk" on purpose. I can't blame it on the virus. No, I was curious what CBS' daily ripoff of "The View" looked like. Guess what? It looked like "The View!"

What really infuriated me about that episode of "The Talk" was that the "Big Yap" at the beginning focused on breast cancer, and therefore it wasn't really appropriate mocking material. Oh, my wife and I found plenty of things to criticize, but it would be tasteless to share them here. Suffice to say I won't be returning for more of "The Talk."

Mrs. Shark likes to watch "Access Hollywood," and when I'm home, I often endure some of it as well. I saw several episodes this week, each of which covered 3 basic topics: The upcoming royal wedding, "Burlesque" with Cher and Christina Aguilera, and an EXCLUSIVE interview with Billy Joel. In order: Don't care; really don't care; kind of care but think it's funny that in 2010, a show like "Access Hollywood" doles out excerpts from a Billy Joel interview as if it were ratings gold that needed rationing.

The lowlight of my Week of Watching Femininely came when I was in my office conducting a little bidness, if you will, when I heard the Terror of Streisand emanating from the next room. In my weakened state, I couldn't muster the speed necessary to get in there and turn the TV off before suffering irreparable hearing loss, but I did make my way out there eventually to discover that Mrs. Shark had left the TV on "Oprah" and then left the room. Is that any way to comfort a recovering man?

This week was preceded by a viewing of "Sex and the City: The Movie" for professional reasons. Just my luck, too, to get a basically unedited version, one that runs the whole 5 1/2 hours (Sure, go ahead and check on IMDB, but you'll never convince me it's any shorter). I guess fans might have enjoyed the trying-on-clothes montages and the prospect of spending 5 1/2 hours with their old favorites, but for me, it just felt like 5 1/2 hours of pointless whining and self-pity because some rich guy wasn't committed enough on his wedding day.

I know there's a lot more female-centered television out there, programming that doesn't make men flee rooms (there's a manly act for you), but this past week was enough to make me consider watching Spike TV.