It's been a while since a copy of my wife's "People" magazine fell off the counter and opened itself up to a page directly in front of me (you do realize, of course, that's the only way I ever read it), but a bit in the cover-dated January 11 issue struck me.
In the Movies section, "3 Questions for...Tron's Olivia Wilde" leads with, "Did you have a say in your sleek Tron look?"
And Ms. Wilde replies, "I was researching Joan of Arc and wanted an androgynous warrior look, not long hair and huge boobs."
Uh...did she think about asking the rest of us what we wanted?
Joan of Arc=great historical figure, terrible box office draw. You don't see teenage males rushing to Spencer's for posters of Joan of Arc and her androgynous warrior look.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Kill the burn, Cody!
Some children grow up harboring dreams of becoming an airline pilot. Some fantasize about designing or engineering a sophisticated new type of aircraft. Well, when I was a child, my dominant ambition was to someday watch a movie in which Lee Majors piloted a sophisticated new type of aircraft designed by Hal Linden. Thanks to THIS-TV's recent airing of "Starflight One," I have finally lived my boyhood dream.
Before I discuss this 1983 sci-fi/disaster epic, I should point out that I saw a truncated version. In fact, it must be wayyyyy edited down because originally it aired as a 3-hour movie, and THIS crams it into a two-hour slot. I generally check out movies' running times before taping them off THIS because they tend to wield either the scissors or the compressors (whatever device they use) liberally.
I've never seen Michael J. Fox snort cocaine--I was a sheltered child in the eighties, too wrapped up in my dreams of seeing Lee Majors/Hal Linden movies to experience such worldly events--and so I was going to check out "Bright Lights, Big City" on THIS one night, but when a 118-minute movie is shown in a two-hour timeslot with commercials, you know more than a few scenes are gonna be missing, and likely some cocaine-snorting ones.
I can't imagine what is missing from the edited version of "Starflight One," but I suspect it's a lot of shots of the craft...floating. That and maybe Kirk Cameron's entire part, because I saw him in the credits but not in the actual movie. Of course, it's entirely possible I was just distracted by the sight of the two old pros Linden and Majors at the top of their games.
Linden designs the commercial passenger ship--the hypersonic commercial passenger ship--Majors flies it, and they and a group of passengers deal with DISASTER when a near-fatal collision with a rogue rocket launch (trust me, the guys that do the launch are just schmucks, and this element of the story isn't nearly as cool as the phrase "rogue rocket launch" indicates) screws up everything and pushes them out of the atmosphere, forcing them to buy time in orbit while everyone scrambles to figure out what to do. See, the hypersonic craft can't re-enter the atmosphere to land because of the lack of something or other. Look, I don't remember the details. All I know is that when Majors, as Captain Cody Briggs, is trying to get the big hypersonic hunk of parts under control, we see a nervous Linden in his seat, saying to himself, "Kill the burn, Cody! Kill the burn!"
THAT'S your movie right there.
I want this to become an iconic phrase. It should be already, of course, but I'm willing to ignore the ignorance of all those who have let this movie languish in obscurity for so long. It's time to look to the future, and while that future might not include hybrid airplane/space shuttle vehicles anytime soon, it CAN involve t-shirts, bumper stickers, and tattoos emblazoned with the phrase, "Kill the burn, Cody!"
I don't even know what that means, but I know cool when I hear it. Lauren Hutton and Ray Milland are also in this film, but neither one of them says "Kill the burn, Cody," so let's not dwell on them.
Kill the burn, Cody!
Before I discuss this 1983 sci-fi/disaster epic, I should point out that I saw a truncated version. In fact, it must be wayyyyy edited down because originally it aired as a 3-hour movie, and THIS crams it into a two-hour slot. I generally check out movies' running times before taping them off THIS because they tend to wield either the scissors or the compressors (whatever device they use) liberally.
I've never seen Michael J. Fox snort cocaine--I was a sheltered child in the eighties, too wrapped up in my dreams of seeing Lee Majors/Hal Linden movies to experience such worldly events--and so I was going to check out "Bright Lights, Big City" on THIS one night, but when a 118-minute movie is shown in a two-hour timeslot with commercials, you know more than a few scenes are gonna be missing, and likely some cocaine-snorting ones.
I can't imagine what is missing from the edited version of "Starflight One," but I suspect it's a lot of shots of the craft...floating. That and maybe Kirk Cameron's entire part, because I saw him in the credits but not in the actual movie. Of course, it's entirely possible I was just distracted by the sight of the two old pros Linden and Majors at the top of their games.
Linden designs the commercial passenger ship--the hypersonic commercial passenger ship--Majors flies it, and they and a group of passengers deal with DISASTER when a near-fatal collision with a rogue rocket launch (trust me, the guys that do the launch are just schmucks, and this element of the story isn't nearly as cool as the phrase "rogue rocket launch" indicates) screws up everything and pushes them out of the atmosphere, forcing them to buy time in orbit while everyone scrambles to figure out what to do. See, the hypersonic craft can't re-enter the atmosphere to land because of the lack of something or other. Look, I don't remember the details. All I know is that when Majors, as Captain Cody Briggs, is trying to get the big hypersonic hunk of parts under control, we see a nervous Linden in his seat, saying to himself, "Kill the burn, Cody! Kill the burn!"
THAT'S your movie right there.
I want this to become an iconic phrase. It should be already, of course, but I'm willing to ignore the ignorance of all those who have let this movie languish in obscurity for so long. It's time to look to the future, and while that future might not include hybrid airplane/space shuttle vehicles anytime soon, it CAN involve t-shirts, bumper stickers, and tattoos emblazoned with the phrase, "Kill the burn, Cody!"
I don't even know what that means, but I know cool when I hear it. Lauren Hutton and Ray Milland are also in this film, but neither one of them says "Kill the burn, Cody," so let's not dwell on them.
Kill the burn, Cody!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
It ain't rocket science: David E. Kelley's Wonder Woman
Reportedly, no network is interested in David E. Kelley's proposed take on a Wonder Woman TV series. How can they not make this work? I mean, yeah, many of us are over Kelley, and I can't give any exec too much heat for telling him to take a hike if his pitch involves making Diana Prince a lawyer with a bunch of wacky colleagues, but...
I mean, it's not difficult, right? How tough can it be to make this work? I'm not talking a big blockbuster feature film that requires a bunch of families to go see it to make the money back. What I'm saying is, here's how you make a Wonder Woman TV series: 1) Find a hot actress who is willing to wear the costume. 2) Put her in the costume for most of the 42 minutes of program each week. 3) Repeat.
That's enough to get 18-34-year-old men, and isn't that the only audience advertisers care about now?
You know, I'm asking a lot of questions in this post, answers to which I already know the answer, and if there's anything I know from watching David E. Kelley's shows, it's...ah, actually, it's something involving a dwarf, a set of triplets each of whom have Asperger Syndrome, and a courtly elderly black gentleman who hates black people.
I mean, it's not difficult, right? How tough can it be to make this work? I'm not talking a big blockbuster feature film that requires a bunch of families to go see it to make the money back. What I'm saying is, here's how you make a Wonder Woman TV series: 1) Find a hot actress who is willing to wear the costume. 2) Put her in the costume for most of the 42 minutes of program each week. 3) Repeat.
That's enough to get 18-34-year-old men, and isn't that the only audience advertisers care about now?
You know, I'm asking a lot of questions in this post, answers to which I already know the answer, and if there's anything I know from watching David E. Kelley's shows, it's...ah, actually, it's something involving a dwarf, a set of triplets each of whom have Asperger Syndrome, and a courtly elderly black gentleman who hates black people.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Why I don't watch the "American Idol" audition episodes
Well, for one thing, I don't watch "American Idol," so, you know, there's that.
But also, consider this: When they play all those clips of the terrible singers making fools of themselves while the judges giggle or make faces, either...
A) The singers are in on it and are faking it, which means it's really not all that funny
B) The singers are not in on it and they're seeing their dreams disintegrate in the form of a spectacular mocking on national television, which means it's really not all that funny.
And Steven Tyler is kinda scaring me, too, by the way.
But also, consider this: When they play all those clips of the terrible singers making fools of themselves while the judges giggle or make faces, either...
A) The singers are in on it and are faking it, which means it's really not all that funny
B) The singers are not in on it and they're seeing their dreams disintegrate in the form of a spectacular mocking on national television, which means it's really not all that funny.
And Steven Tyler is kinda scaring me, too, by the way.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Lights Out
Don't you do it again, FX! Don't you put on a show that's all, like, GOOD and stuff, then cancel it...or, uh, not renew it after sticking with it through its original allotted amount of episodes.
Yeah, I'm still dealing with the loss of "Terriers," and it's affecting the way I look at other television programs. Last Tuesday night, FX debuted a new hourlong drama series, "Lights Out." I watched that program and quite enjoyed it. Too many Americans, however, neither watched it nor enjoyed it. I would like to believe that had more people watched it, but maybe the country just isn't in the mood for a boxing-related drama, even if it is a quality one.
But FX shouldn't be in the business of programming for the American people; it should be in the business of programming for ME. And me, well, I liked the pilot episode. Sure, the show is loaded with familiar elements--OK, cliches if you're less kind--but I like those elements when they come together well.
Unfortunately, the numbers for that pilot episode were weak, and now I'm already worried that the series is dead in the water. I can see that heartbreak and letdown lie ahead. Well, plus a batch of quality TV episodes.
I think the plan will be for me to go ahead and watch this show each week, then be disappointed when it isn't renewed. Sounds good, everyone? All right, break!
(Of course, some of you COULD watch it yourselves and--but, no, no, I ask too much of you as it is. Forget I said anything, really. But it is a good show.)
Yeah, I'm still dealing with the loss of "Terriers," and it's affecting the way I look at other television programs. Last Tuesday night, FX debuted a new hourlong drama series, "Lights Out." I watched that program and quite enjoyed it. Too many Americans, however, neither watched it nor enjoyed it. I would like to believe that had more people watched it, but maybe the country just isn't in the mood for a boxing-related drama, even if it is a quality one.
But FX shouldn't be in the business of programming for the American people; it should be in the business of programming for ME. And me, well, I liked the pilot episode. Sure, the show is loaded with familiar elements--OK, cliches if you're less kind--but I like those elements when they come together well.
Unfortunately, the numbers for that pilot episode were weak, and now I'm already worried that the series is dead in the water. I can see that heartbreak and letdown lie ahead. Well, plus a batch of quality TV episodes.
I think the plan will be for me to go ahead and watch this show each week, then be disappointed when it isn't renewed. Sounds good, everyone? All right, break!
(Of course, some of you COULD watch it yourselves and--but, no, no, I ask too much of you as it is. Forget I said anything, really. But it is a good show.)
Sunday, January 16, 2011
In theaters this weekend...
Green Hornet: I'm just not in the mood to see a "light" take on the Green Hornet, particularly one with Seth Rogen. I don't wish him ill or anything, but I don't wish to see two hours of him in an action movie, either. I'd give the guy a fair chance if the movie weren't all jokey and wise-ass, but every preview I've seen indicates the movie is pretty much all jokey and wise-ass. I don't know what to make of Michael Gondry's involvement, either, but I am starting to wonder if the idea of Directed by Michael Gondry is much more appealing than the execution of Directed by Michael Gondry.
The Dilemma: I was wondering for weeks why there was any kind of dilemma in this movie. Vince Vaughn sees Kevin James' wife cheating on him, and he apparently wrestles with the decision of whether or not to tell him. Of course you tell him in that situation, right? That is, unless there are extenuating circumstances, like that when you saw the cheating, you were looking in a mirror because you're the one sleeping with your buddy's wife. I wondered for a while if maybe that was the dilemma: that Vince Vaughn, who is married to Jennifer Connelly in this story, thinks if he withholds this info from Kevin James, he can somehow parlay it into a 3-way with James' wife, Winona Ryder (Incidentally, the guys are already doing pretty well for themselves in this scenario, 3-way, cheating, or otherwise).
Well, it turns out that there is more to it than I initially knew. Mild SPOILERS here: Winona is practicing ~sexual blackmail~ on Vaughn so he won't squeal (I don;t know if it really qualifies as such, but she threatens him, and sexual blackmail is so much more fun to write than just regular blackmail). Plus Vince and Kev work together, and Kevin has some big-deal project in the works that could go kablooey if James finds out about the infidelity and, instead of shrugging and thinking, "Well, I had a good run with such a hot wife for being such a big schlub," falls to pieces and gets all clingy about it.
The Dilemma: I was wondering for weeks why there was any kind of dilemma in this movie. Vince Vaughn sees Kevin James' wife cheating on him, and he apparently wrestles with the decision of whether or not to tell him. Of course you tell him in that situation, right? That is, unless there are extenuating circumstances, like that when you saw the cheating, you were looking in a mirror because you're the one sleeping with your buddy's wife. I wondered for a while if maybe that was the dilemma: that Vince Vaughn, who is married to Jennifer Connelly in this story, thinks if he withholds this info from Kevin James, he can somehow parlay it into a 3-way with James' wife, Winona Ryder (Incidentally, the guys are already doing pretty well for themselves in this scenario, 3-way, cheating, or otherwise).
Well, it turns out that there is more to it than I initially knew. Mild SPOILERS here: Winona is practicing ~sexual blackmail~ on Vaughn so he won't squeal (I don;t know if it really qualifies as such, but she threatens him, and sexual blackmail is so much more fun to write than just regular blackmail). Plus Vince and Kev work together, and Kevin has some big-deal project in the works that could go kablooey if James finds out about the infidelity and, instead of shrugging and thinking, "Well, I had a good run with such a hot wife for being such a big schlub," falls to pieces and gets all clingy about it.
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