This Week in DVD

The African Queen: Finally! This isn't even in my Top 10 of Bogart pictures, probably, but there's no doubt a movie so beloved and notable should be on DVD. Paramount finally delivers it this week. See? The format is not dead for catalogue titles after all. I'm sure Paramount has all sorts of other titles raring to go that they've been restoring for the last 10 years.

The Blind Side: So now Sandra Bullock, having been blindsided, gets to send that Michael Oehr to Jesse James' garage to squash him like a bug, as I understand it.

Fantastic Mr. Fox: Whimsy may well suit Wes Anderson better in cartoon form now. At least they never run his annoying American Express ad anymore.

Brothers: It saddens me that a Jim Sheridan movie can be so thoroughly ignored by the public. What's wrong with you people? What's that you ask? Am I gonna rent this? Uh...well, maybe after I see "Fantastic Mr. Fox."

The Men Who Stare at Goats: From what I read, this is either the stupidest movie of 2009 or just a really stupid movie that came out in 2009. I don't think there are too many people calling this an overlooked gem.

The T.A.M.I. Show: I actually saw this on PBS a few weeks ago, so I'll have to take the imaginary money I was going to use to pretend to buy the DVD and make an imaginary pledge to my local station.

Phantom Punch: Hey, a 2008 Sonny Liston biopic starring Ving Rhames sounds pretty good. I don't know whether I missed it, the world totally missed it, or I totally forgot about it, but this may require further investigation.

Hotel California: Look at this description from Netflix:

Two years after betraying a crime lord, drug smuggler Troy (Erik Palladino) returns to Los Angeles with one leg, a hefty cocaine habit and a thirst for revenge. He soon reunites with his old partners Pete (Simon Rex) and Al (Tyson Beckford), whose loyalties remain unclear. The trio's complicated history -- and that of Troy's ex-girlfriend Jessie (Tatyana Ali) -- unfolds in explosive flashbacks in this intense indie noir.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the worst cast ever assembled for an alleged "noir." Thinking of a wanna-be noir starring Dr. Dave from ER, SUPERMODEL Tyson Beckford, and Simon Rex, makes me want to swear off movies for a while.