Crummy Movie Cavalcade: Made of Honor

True believers, you may have worried that the summer edition of the Crummy Movie Cavalcade had already gone kaput, that New Coke was threatening to pull its sponsorship after seeing but one movie featured as yet. But don't worry! A cavalcade is relentless. It rolls on even as my attention shifts elsewhere. Let's see if we can catch up with it today as we look at...

MADE OF HONOR

The use of all-caps for the title is appropriate because if you're looking for a reason to dislike this movie, look no further than the groaner it goes by. I would argue that few movies have blatant puns in their titles, and none of them stars Patrick Dempsey.

So McDreamy (sorry, that's the only time I'll write that, and rest assured it's meant to be mocking) plays a man whose best friend is getting married. This friend asks him to be her bridesmaid, and he says, "What the heck," but then decides to sabotage it because he really loves her.

The idea of a man being a bridesmaid is good for at least a dozen cheap laughs right off the bat, and I'm sure that's what whoever greenlit this was thinking. "It practically writes itself," must have been the pitch. I wish it would watch itself, because I have the sneaking suspicion that when this one comes to DVD, my wife will be asking me to rent it. Oh, we may have dodged the theatrical bullet, but this one will be out on home video sure enough, no doubt in time for at least part of the fall wedding season.

You might be asking what the harm is if some studio wants to rip off "My Best Friend's Wedding" and maybe get the "Grey's Anatomy" crowd to pay to see Dempsey on a big screen. Then you might be a woman. Ladies, I don't begrudge you your interest in--

Wait, that's not true. OF COURSE I begrudge you your interest in him. I always thought Patrick Dempsey was a scrub, and I thought after his mini-heyday in the 1980s, he was off to transition into writing or directing or signing autographs at car shows. But no, he came back and became one of the "Sexiest Men Alive" again, and now he's all over the place.

As long as he's confined to television, I can live with it. I can slide into another room when my wife watches "Grey's" or ignore it on our DVR. But something about the phrase "Patrick Dempsey: Movie Star" makes me fear the apocalypse is imminent.

Thankfully, it doesn't appear to be the case. He may well be a decent enough guy, and he seems to have taken his career renaissance in good stride, but he's probably hit his peak. Notwithstanding his role in "Enchanted," he's a TV star, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Just don't push too many feature films with him carrying the load, let alone ones that think it'd be funny to have him be the maid of honor at a wedding. I could gripe about that premise a bit more, but I've used enough space complaining about Patrick Dempsey. So I'll just remind everyone--you, too, motion picture studios--that the man is not a movie star, and nor will he be, unless he gets lucky and finds himself cast in a "Sex and the City" film.

Huh. Did somebody mention "Sex and the City"? I did? Me? You don't suppose that one could be part of this cavalcade, do you? Mmm...could be...