Der Bingle = Der Stuff

For a long time now, I've considered the epitome of Big Screen Cool to be someone like Cary Grant or maybe Bogie or Robert Mitchum. The more I see his movies, however, the more I think Bing Crosby may well be, pound for pound, the coolest movie star of all time.

I've long enjoyed him in the "Road" pictures with Hope, where his effortless, laid-back charm is actually written into the characters, if there can be said to BE characters apart from Bing's own screen persona. As I watch him more, though, I realize that even outside of that super-casual Road universe, Der Bingle is just as cool even in more "prestigious" pictures when he's able to play Bing Just Being Bing.

Take "High Society," the amusing if not as sharp remake of "The Philadelphia Story." I finally saw this one a week or two ago, and while it's impressive that this particular crooner walks off with the film as the coolest cat in a cast that includes Frank Sinatra and Louis Armstrong, it's not surprising. He's playing the guy who everybody likes, the ex who has the luxury of sitting back and making sly remarks while letting everyone know, hey, he's here and available if a certain ice queen named Grace Kelly wants to come to her senses. His character is the one calm, rational individual in the entire screenplay while also providing a clear cool alternative to the stuffed shirt (John Lund) Kelly plans to marry. How can Bing miss here? This is the equivalent of giving Babe Ruth a 3-0 count with the bases loaded.

I enjoyed Bing in "High Society," but I was far more impressed with the icon in a picture he made some 20 years earlier, "Pennies From Heaven," in which he's an ex-con who meets up with a lovable orphan and her grandfather and sets out to save them from being split up by a government child welfare agency. This younger Bing has the same casual demeanor, the same breezy style that draws you in to the extent you don't even think he's acting. Lazy? I think not. Just because Der Bingle doesn't have to let us see him sweat doesn't mean he ain't working. I mean, he drawls some wisecracks here and there, spars with a comely female at the agency, and all the while sings for his supper, treating the audience to several likable pop tunes.

It's what Bing overcomes in "Pennies From Heaven" that makes his easy coolness so remarkable. Consider these 3 factors:

1) His character, Larry, plays the lute. Yep, the lute. And he doesn't just rent one when he needs it or borrow it from a local Renaissance Fair minstrel. No, he owns one, and he carries it around with him all the time. Even in jail, we are told, he sings the sappiest, most sentimental songs there are while strumming his instrument. Even worse, he's the kind of guy that insists on correcting everyone that admires his guitar. If anyone else bothered to remind us, "It's a LUTE," we'd be rather annoyed, but we don't mind if it's Bing. He's the kind of fellow that just takes pride in his lute, not in correcting people.

2) He makes "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" sound cool. I'd say it takes a lot of work to make this chestnut sophisticated, except that The Binger does it and makes it look so easy. In one fun sequence, he, the young girl, and Grandpa freestyle a series of verses to the evergreen kiddie number, and darned if it doesn't come off pretty well. I don't want to give Rod Stewart an idea for his next album, but I'd pay for a collection of Bing Sings Kids Favorites (and please, no jokes about the way he disciplined his own kids; I made those for us when I watched the movie).

3) Most impressive of all, late in the film, he stays cool as he sings the title song while in a clown suit, skull cap, fake pencil-thin mustache, and ridiculous sideburns. The site of Bingo the Clown strumming his lute while leading a parade of kids down the street is almost surreal at first. Seeing that voice coming from somewhere deep in that get-up? There's a real disconnect there. Again, though, Crosby defies the odds by taking a ludicrous situation and making it not just watchable, but somehow cool. The key thing to remember here is that Der Bingle never seems to be straining for it, either. He just IS The Man, and there's no visible exertion in his performance. It's almost like playing a lute and singing "Pennies From Heaven" in full clown regalia is the most natural thing for a guy to do.

Humphrey Bogart is my all-time favorite movie star, and once his career got going, he was rarely anything less than 100% cool. But even he would have a hard time making that look natural. So maybe we need to give Bing Crosby more credit. I know I find myself seeking out more of his movies lately.