First Impulse: The CMA Awards

Last night was a rare weeknight when my wife and I were home together and able to watch some TV--of course, my work as a world-class mixed martial artist normally keeps me out nights--and at some point, we caught a little bit of the Country Music Association Awards telecast. Here are my unfiltered thoughts from the portion we saw.

*Mrs. Shark turns on the CMA Awards as I turn on the Internet. "Don't they have a country awards show every other month?" I ask. She doesn't answer. But I'm seriously wondering--don't they?

*Taylor Swift looks like a little kid, which I guess she sort of is. But she sounds like one, too. is there a microphone problem? Is the sound just bad? At least we know she's really singing. There are princes and princesses and what may well be unicorns. Is this the CMA Awards or the Disney Channel Awards?

*It's hard to hear Kid Rock, too, and far be it from me to complain. But again, we wonder, is there a sound issue in the arena, or is it just that we're not getting the strongest singers in the world at this point?

*George Strait performs, which is a good thing, but he's apparently hopped on the Jimmy Buffet bandwagon, which is not. My wife loves him---not just his music, but she apparently loves George Strait, as she reminds me several times during the song--but I'm disappointed by this tune. At least he's not wearing a Hawaiian shirt and flip-flops. Isn't Kenny Chesney scheduled to do the token Buffet pastiche later?

*I think someone gets an award at some point. Actually, I remember several: Strait gets one while we're watching. Sugarland wins for Best Duo Vocal. I love this category. Sugarland used to have a third member, my wife tells me, but now they're all in litigation. Well, I suggest, it's a good thing they booted that third one, or they wouldn't be able to win Best Duo Vocal. This begs the question, do country duos ever find themselves meeting a really cool third person who would make a great fit and all for the band, but then they have to tell them they can't join because the Best Group Vocal category is more competitive? Carrie Underwood wins something.

*Brooks and Dunn are billed as teaming up with a country superstar for a "once in a lifetime performance." Turns out, ugh, it's just Reba. My wife informs me that they actually all toured together recently. "Well," I say, "It's once in a lifetime if you were just born this year." I'm sure our daughter would have been thrilled if we had woken her up so she could see that exciting moment. The good news is, someone turns up Reba's microphone or fixes the sound board during this song, and the audio seems much better.

*At some point in all this, I see a Jewel commercial. Because, you know, she's country now. Then as we go to a break, we see some of the stars coming up. I see something that looks suspiciously like Don Henley and can't contain my despair. "Aah!" I cry, "Not them! Anyone but the Eagles!" And then, sure enough, Anyone is announced as coming up, as well, in the form of Darius Rucker. Is everyone on the planet country now? I don't care how much "country rock" is in any of the Eagles' music, I should be able to watch a country music awards broadcast---celebrating an entire style of music I'm not all that fond of, anyway--without seeing them perform. I'd almost rather see Joe the Plumber.

*I have to admit, though, the Darius Rucker song doesn't sound all that bad.

*I could have gone on all night half paying attention to this show, but somewhere around this point, Mrs. Shark went to bed, freeing me to change the channel to a basketball game before I had to see the Eagles. What did I learn from the CMA Awards? I learned that we're all a little bit country now, that Carrie Underwood will probably win just about every award she's nominated for over the next 10 years or so, and--oh, yeah--that Vince Gill is looking more and more like John Travolta each time I see him.