Voting is FUNdamental

Though I live within walking distance of my polling place, since I couldn't get back to sleep this morning (I wish I could say I was surging with the adrenaline of FREEDOM, but really I've just been sick), I took the opportunity to get a lift from my wife and went to the elementary school at about 8:00 A.M.

I don't think I've seen a line so long since I last went to Disney World, and here they didn't even have Donald or Mickey working the line to keep you entertained (Insert your own joke about "Goofy" being on the ballot with the politician of your choice). I don't think it's unreasonable to complain about long lines, lack of parking, and time waiting at polling places. This may be the part when Walter Cronkite shakes his finger at me and reminds me of the hardships people have gone through just to be able to vote, but I can't help but wonder if we couldn't all find a way to do this more efficiently.

I have the luxury of a job that lets me go stand in line for however long in the morning, and my wife was able to get our child to day care. But what about people with jobs, kids, lives that don't allow such an easy path to the booth? I guess that's what absentee/early voting is for, and if you took advantage of that, more power to you, though I must say there's something about the rush of casting an actual Election Day ballot.

The line moved steadily, at least, and I had a book to read, so I didn't really care. What shook me out of my novel was the battle axe posted at the front of the line. This Vote Nazi (how's that for a contradiction in terms?) stood vigilant, guarding the all-purpose room from interlopers who might otherwise overwhelm the registration confirmation tables. Every now and then--and by that I mean 30 seconds--she'd abandon her post to march down the line and shout, "E-K! E-K!" I guess this part of the alphabet is a lonely one in my area, surname-wise, because barely anybody seemed to come up there. Yet still she repeated her chant, and it was almost always "E-K," never, oh, say, "A-D" or the exotic-sounding "S-Z."

After sneaking past the Vote Nazi while she was on another quest for the Ellises and the Kaminskys, I found my table and got my ballot coupon, which I then took to yet another table for an actual ballot. I loved the "paper or electronic" option because going old-school let me skip the line for the booths and sit down at a table with my old-fAYshioned (as the late Dave Thomas of Wendy's used to say) paper deal.

Filling in circles makes me feel like I'm actually doing something. I don't know, it's just more academic and deliberate than punching a chad or pushing a button. I only wish there were #2 pencils instead of pens.

And that, citizens, is how I voted this morning. In closing, let me share with you a fine piece of electioneering I saw in one of the hallways of this elementary school. As part of a class project, students made campaign posters in a presidential race in "Everytown." Easily the most impressive was the one promoting "Sam for President." Sam's simple yet comprehensive slogan was:

"A vote for Sam is a vote for Sam."

I think this just may be the best campaign slogan of all time.