You might not see Paladin and think, "Hey, now THERE'S an ideal earthly personification of the Christmas spirit," but in the first-season episode "The Hanging Cross," the man in black succeeds in giving a community a big ol' heaping dose of yuletide warmth.
It's Christmastime, and a rancher played by Ed Binns has taken a boy from a local Indian tribe, a boy he claims is the son he saw abducted years ago. He had hired Paladin to find the lad, but now that he thinks he found him, he tries to stiff the gunslinger. While Paladin is quickly learning what a jerk this rancher is, word comes that the Shoshone are on their way back to get the kid, and then it's clear our man could be useful as a translator.
At this point, Paladin says, "I normally translate for free, but since you're such an major league a-hole, I'm charging you what you originally agreed to get me, bee-yotch." Well, that's the gist of it, at least.
What follows is a story of tension between the forces of revenge and anger on one side and negotiation and goodwill on the other. The conflict isn't just between Native Americans and the ranch community, but within the groups as well. Jolly old Paladin provides eloquent reminders of the meaning of Christmas as he tries to convince Binns and the ranchers not to attack the Shoshone.
But forget this story, though it's a good one; and forget the supporting cast, though it's a treat to see old hand Don Beddoe as Binns' beleaguered foreman and Johnny Crawford (later the Rifleman's son) as the boy whose heritage is in question. No, what I really want to see is something this episode doesn't provide: A Christmas throwdown for the ages, the ultimate holiday standoff to end all holiday standoffs.
I'm talking, of course, about a potential duel between Richard Boone's mustache and Ed Binns' eyebrows.
Oh, sure, there are verbal jousts throughout this episode, but what I really want to see is the clash of the facial hair. From Fa La La La La to Follicle Fury, it would be a drag-out spectacle to rival anything in the history of TV Westerns.
I'm still making my way through my "HGWT" sets and am far from a knowledgable source of the series' history, but I'd wager Boone's kick-ass 'stache is rarely threatened in the 6-year run. It's authoritative yet alluring, simple yet stylish. Quick draw or not, many a battle was surely won before it started by the sheer intimidating power of this deceptively thin vittle duster.
Binns' set of eyebrows, in this episode put him on perhaps an equal footing. This bushy pair give his grumpy old rancher instant credibility as a Grinch figure. In fact, it's not hard to picture him sneaking down a chimney, grabbing all the presents, food, and decorations in sight, and stuffing them into those brows before slithering back up from whence he came.
"The Hanging Cross" is not only on the Season 1 DVD sets, it's available all over the place at legitimate Internet video sites like Fancast. See it for yourself and stage your own mental Hair vs. Hair grudge match.
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