Our Favorite TV Personalities

According to a recent Harris Poll, Jay Leno is America's favorite TV personality. You can read all about it right here.

Now, my first impulse when I read this last week was, "Oh, my God! Something happened to Maury Povich?" But after I read the article, I soon realized that, no, he was obviously just excluded due to some inexplicable oversight.

Then I thought, "Jay Leno? Really?" I saw this article linked at TV Tattle, and in their summary, they referred to the poll as the "well-respected Harris Poll," as if they knew people were gonna call B.S. on Leno "winning" such a survey. Well, turns out it's not a poll targeting only guys named Harris, it's a real poll with science and methodology and stuff, so I guess we have to acknowledge Jay's popularity.

I have no problem with that, but what I call the Entertainment Elite might still refuse to believe that people actually find Leno such a likable, appealing performer. Much of the EE still likes to pretend Leno's success is some kind of anomaly or just a tribute to the sheer numbers of "the sticks." I'll get to what might comprise an EE-approved list in a minute, but first let me go through the rest of the "real" list after Jay:

2) Hugh Laurie: America loves a cranky TV doctor who treats us like vermin? I guess it's OK because everyone knows he's British and therefore much more polite and gracious in real life.

3) Ellen DeGeneres: I still don't see how anyone who watches her dance--i.e. anyone who sees 5 minutes of any given episode of her talk show--could like her enough to make her number 3. But I'm not a Harris, so what do I know?

4) Oprah Winfrey: I thought she'd be higher, actually. Are people holding her weight gain against her? Her frequent bamboozlements by dishonest authors? Her refusal to make Steadman an honest man?

5) David Letterman: I'm actually surprised he's THIS high. The Entertainment Elite would like to pretend he's been whipping Jay all these years.

6) Jon Stewart: Hmm, maybe this list isn't so different from the EE's take after all.

7) Charlie Sheen: His placement this high proves that America still believes that everybody deserves a fifth chance.

8) Steve Carell: I was gonna say America must not be holding "Evan Almighty" against him, but then, who saw "Evan Almighty?" And if so, who remembers?

9) Stephen Colbert: See #6.

10) Mark Harmon: Yes, Virginia, there is a top-rated show called "NCIS." I have to admit part of me is still unwilling to accept that phenomenon. Maybe people just still love "St. Elsewhere."

The Entertainment Elite, that all-powerful group that controls the entertainment news media, the countless stream of pop culture awards, and the entire entertaino-industrial complex, would grant some of these celebrities their likability, but they would 86 many others. Mark Harmon? He's on that show that all the rubes like. Charlie Sheen? Nah, nobody that "matters" watches "Two and a Half Men."

Here's how I think an EE-approved list would look:

1) Tina Fey
2) Oprah
3) Jon Stewart
4) Alec Baldwin
5) Simon Cowell
6) Stephen Colbert
7) David Letterman
8) The cast of "Gossip Girl"

9) Justin Timberlake (He's on TV an awful lot for someone without a "regular" role, and look how the media goes gaga over him)

10) Keifer Sutherland

And if you don't like any of these 10, then they'll force them down your throats, and if you persist in denying their essential likability, then there's something wrong with you.