First Impulse: CW's Fall 2009 Schedule

I'm giving my uneducated, unreasoned takes on the networks' new fall schedules announced last week. Oh, yeah, and I'm also talking about fake networks like the CW.

It's funny how the powers that be combined two netlets with small but relevant niches--UPN and WB--and turned them into one netlet that, despite theoretically combining the best of each, is less relevant than the two put together, still has identity issues (what kind of a name is the CW?) and faces rumors of its demise every few months or so.

The fact that CW (is it CW or the CW? Much like "The Batman" vs. just Batman, I get confused. Unlike that debate, I do't really care) is giving back Sundays to its affiliates doesn't inspire confidence, but that's the new trend. NBC gave up 10:00 PM, CW gave up Sundays...it's only a matter of time before someone gives up Saturdays. I mean, really gives it up; I know the majors already have for all intents and purposes.

I think I'm stalling, so let me get to it and try to discuss the new fall schedule for (the) CW.

Mondays bring "Gossip Girl," AKA Entertainment Weekly's favorite show ("30 Rock" doesn't count because to "EW," "30 Rock" is HIGH ART), followed by another teen soap, "One Tree Hill," which returns for its 17th season, breaking the previous teen soap record of "Beverly Hills 90210," which was on for 16 long seasons, overstaying its welcome and making sure we'd all be sick of it for decades to come.

On Tuesdays, CW leads off with...uh, "90210." It seems like many people want this show to succeed, but nobody actually watches it besides Diablo Cody. Well, at least CW has a new show at 9:00 PM. That is, if you count a "reboot" of "Melrose Place" as new. Christ, are they saving a revamp of "The Heights" for midseason? No wonder this network doesn't matter.

Wednesday offers yet another season--excuse me, cycle--of "America's Next Top Model." After that, it's "The Beautiful Life," a fashion drama produced by Ashton Kutcher, who is becoming like the Aaron Spelling of crappy reality TV. Sure, these two shows may look like perfect matches for each other on the schedule, but so what? A White Lion/Winger concert bill might be compatible, but...

On Thursday, CW goes goth. Seriously, that's what they're gonna say. They'll try to get some of that "Twilight" action with a vampire show at 8:00, then follow that with "Supernatural." Is that GOTH enough for you?
Fridays this fall, it's "Smallville," which has been on almost as long as "One Tree Hill." It actually went past the stage where he went from Superboy to Superman years ago; this year he leaves Metropolis, gets a condo in Boca Raton, and fights supervillains only 4 days a week and only before 4:00 PM. After "Smallville," it's "encore presentations" of "America's Next Model."

I'd say a network that can't even program 5 nights a week, two hours a night, without resorting to repeating itself doesn't deserve to be on the air. But, really, look at what else is on TV. How many options are there?