Wonderful World of TCM: Shockproof (1949)

Even when I see a movie I think is just so-so and far from "classic" on Turner Classic Movies, I still appreciate the chance to see it. I recently freed up some space on the old DVR by screening a few not-so-classics I had on there. I don't mean to demean these films; they just don't do it for me.

Case in point is "Shockproof "(1949): Billed as a noir, but not really all that noir to me, nor all that compelling. There are several elements that might excite a lot of film buffs out there--Douglas Sirk is the director, and the original screenplay (apparently modified rather drastically later) is credited to Sam Fuller. Plus that's a promising title. But it doesn't all gel, and it culminates in a ridiculous ending.

Cornell Wilde is a parole officer who is in charge of recent jailbird Patricia Knight. I don't know a whole lot about Knight except that she's hot to trot as both a blonde and a brunette here, and also she was married to Wilde at the time. I'm not a big Wilde fan, but I have to admire the dedication of his character here. He's so committed to his job, and to his charge's welfare, that when she's released, he insists on personally giving her a ride, then taking her to dinner! What a swell egg!

The dinner is at his Mama's house, and she is very Italian and very blind. But even though-a she no can-a see-a with her eyes, she can-a see-a with her heart-a. She's played by Esther Minicotti--I wonder if she's a cousin of Mrs. Manicotti from "The Honeymooners"?

Anyway, the conscientious Wilde gets Knight a job working with Mama at the boarding house. Here he can keep an eye on her all the time...and also keep an eye on her all the time, if you know what I mean. As lecherous as I'm making this sound, the film doesn't really play it that way. Wilde comes off as sort of clueless about how inappropriate he is. Well, sooner or later, he falls in love with her, which surely has more than a little to do with his constant warnings to her not to hang out with the lowlife creep who got her mixed up in crime (and in the joint) in the first place.

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

Eventually this all comes to a head when the lowlife gets annoyed that "his gal" is getting feelings for Mr. Unethical Goody Two-Shoes, she winds up shooting him, so Cornel and Patricia go on the lam. It's them against the world for a while, which leads to some interesting change-of-pace scenes while they're on the road but fails to serve up a classic noirish atmosphere, or even a compelling melodrama, for that matter.

But "Shockproof" goes from bland to worse at the conclusion, when the two new lovebirds return and visit the ex in the hospital. He's recovering from the shooting...and also, apparently, from being jilted, because he gives them his blessing in an, "Aw, get outta here, you two!" nudge-nudge-wink-wink bit. So Cornel and Patricia skip out of there, off to live forever in happiness, and the hardened criminal that she shot is gonna make it, and he's cool with them being together.

Does that sound noirish to you? Heck, no, and even if the preceding 70-some minutes were more hard-boiled, it would all go up in cotton candy with this conclusion.