I think I found the perfect foe for Batman

I have been out of touch with the ongoing comic book world for a while now, especially the DC corner of it, but I have read enough Batman in the past decade or so to know that the character at some point became basically unstoppable. The World's Greatest Detective has been portrayed as capable of bad-assing and conqering pretty much any threat, no matter how powerful, clever, or even cosmic in nature.

So I'm excited to report that I have found elsewhere in the world of popular culture an opponent formidable enough to pose a challenge to the Caped Crusader. I refer to that force of nature known as TV's Hazel Burke.

Yep, I've been watching a lot of "Hazel" lately thanks to Antenna TV, and repeated exposure to the titular character has confirmed much of what I already knew would make her a worthy adversary even for the Dark Knight: She's a prize-winning housekeeper, an acclaimed chef, a successful football coach, and a championship-level bowler. That skill set alone would force Bats to reach into his utility belt to try to stop her.

But you can add to those qualities her uncanny awareness of human nature (some might call it mind-reading ability), her unparalleled stubbornness (a trait which would make her hard to finish off in any showdown), and of course her masterful passive-aggressive manipulation skills (which serve her well when she wants something, say a raise, from Mr. B).

I've learned even more relevant data, however, about the Baxters' domestic engineer, info that really has to put Hazel on at least an "even odds" basis against Batman. When she was trapped in the lair of a group of disreputable gangsters, she revealed that her awareness of the situation was boosted by the "private detectin'" class for which she paid 90 bucks. Take that Bruce Wayne, you billionaire, you. 90 bucks for Hazel is the equivalent of about 90 million for you. Hazel is constantly improving herself, no matter the cost, and she might well rival you in the sleuthing department. Plus there's the fact that she conked a thug over the head with a frying pan--off camera, sadly, but still ample evidence she can handle herself in a tussle.

Speaking of Hazel's combat prowess, in a later episode, she told a friend that in the past she had given judo lessons at the local lodge hall. All this and judo, too? I know Batman is stronger than Olympic-caliber at all martial arts--in fact, he excels at seemingly every form of combat known to man and even some unknown to man, plus a few not even invented yet--but I wouldn't bet against Hazel.

One thing that hurts Ms. Burke in this theoretical match-up, however, is quality of opposition. The Dark Detective has scored victories over luminaries such as The Joker, Lex Luthor, even Crazy Quilt. Hazel's main opposition consists of softies like Mr. B. and the volatile but ultimately easy tamed Mr. Griffin. I mean, come on, when your rogues gallery consists of your boss and a fat business magnate who buckles at the sight of a plate of homemade brownies, well, you're not seasoned against big-league villainy.

Still, I would never bet against Hazel. Her occasional signs of weakness only make her more fascinating and all powerful a character. When she struggled to get a stain out of the carpet, I was relieved because it indicated that Hazel Burke was in fact a mere mortal and not, as I had suspected, a temporary shell hosting an otherworldly deity. Batman is allegedly mortal, but he just came back from the "dead" last year and will likely never be truly beaten...unless he faces a certain irrepressible 1960s TV maid. Shirley Booth has long since passed, but her character can live on in the medium of comic books. DC, make this happen.