My wife watches female chat shows so you don't have to

Hey, first of all, Mrs. Shark is on maternity leave, so let's cut her some slack for watching these programs.

Having said that, sheesh, any dose of "The View" and/or "The Talk" is enough to give me the shivers the rest of the day. However, I was exposed to a little bit of each chat show in recent weeks, and I developed a theory as to why "The View" is much better.

Forget inessential factors such as production values, the talent of the hosts, the quality of the guests, the chemistry, and the overall show quality. No, I make my pick based on the fact that one of these programs seems "in the tank" for its network, while another is apparently allowed to show some independence.

See, according to my wife--and she only misleads me a few times a week, and it's always for my own good--the biggest story in frivolity this year has been the Charlie Sheen saga. Well, "The Talk," which of course airs on CBS, as does Sheen's "Two and a Half Men," avoided this story day after day, which is pretty silly for a show that purports to keep viewers engaged in the latest developments in the culture's frivolity.

"The Talk" is also hosted by Julie Chen, and guess who she's sleeping with? No, not Charlie Sheen, but rather Les Moonves, her hubby and head honcho of the network. You just get the feeling that it ain't a coinkydink that Sharon Osbourne--a woman who ought to know a thing or two about the phenomenon of the addled manchild--apparently isn't unloading on the whole story.

I don't claim that "The View" is akin to "60 Minutes," but when the ladies were discussing ABC program "The Bachelor" recently (Note: Yes, I actually saw this discussion live), Barbara Walters was clueless and not really feigning interest, Whoopi Goldberg clearly wasn't into the reality show, and Joy Behar was openly mocking it.

So at least the ladies of "The View" don't suffer from any obvious content restrictions, at least not in the vital world of pop culture frivolity. Therefore I declare the seasoned veteran the clear winner in its battle with the upstart counterpart on CBS.