27 Dresses Winners/Losers

Mrs. Shark and I watched the fluffy Katherine Heigl romantic comedy "27 Dresses." The flick is OK, nothing special. Let's do something different--well, different for this blog, not different for mankind. The concept is actually pretty hackneyed now that I think about it. Hmm. Well, I'm kind of committed now, huh? Here is my list of winners and losers from the movie:

WINNER: Ed Burns
--By far the biggest single winner as a result of "27 Dresses" is this man. I hope he gave his agent an extra commission for getting him into this one. First off, the character Burns plays is an absolute saint. He's the world's most understanding boss, he's good with kids and animals, he's socially conscious, and when Heigl's character wrecks a big event in his life, he handles it with amazing class.

Oh, yeah, plus 40-year-old Burns is drooled over by 29-year-old Heigl and Malin Ackerman. Normally, to get a role like this, all Burns has to do is write and direct the whole freaking thing himself. This time, though, he just sits back and smiles and lets the screenplay make him the most Charming Guy Ever. Bravo, Ed Burns. Bravo.

LOSER: Malin Ackerman
--I'm hesitant to be too harsh on her, as I'm pretty sure she was directed into playing her part as a charmless, selfish Cameron Diaz wannabe. But, wow, even as a foil for our heroine (Heigl, of course), Ackerman's character is hard to take. See, she's the heroine's sister, and she winds up taking the guy Heigl loves (and that's Burns--see what I mean about him?). So we're supposed to root against her, but I think we're also supposed to kind of feel sorry for her by the end of the movie. Problem is, this performance is so unappealing, that turnaround doesn't work. Cameron Diaz should be offended. At least she should hope nobody thinks this is actually her.

WINNER: Judy Greer
--It's almost automatic that Greer shows up in one of these underwritten best friend roles, scores in all of her scenes, and leaves you wanting more.

WINNERS/LOSERS: Katherine Heigl and James Marsden
--The good news is, they got through a major motion picture and showed adequate chemistry and didn't embarrass themselves. But it remains to be seen if Heigl can really carry a movie.

As for Marsden, this guy has put together a hell of a resume. Can you believe he's been in romantic comedies, X-Men movies and a Superman movie in the last few years? And he was in "Enchanted." That's a lot of box office. Problem is, it IS hard to believe that he was in all those because you barely remember he was.

LOSERS: Music lovers
--It's no surprise that a conventional romantic comedy like this would feature a scene in which the two stars butcher an overplayed pop song. It's not even a surprise that it would be "Bennie and the Jets." Still, the sheer awfulness of the Heigl-Marsden duet manages to surprise. Remember when I said they got through the movie without embarrassing themselves? I was wrong.

LOSER: My marriage's innocence
--As my wife and I watched this, I explained my theory that Heigl was made less glamorous and less blonde to make her more "accessible" to female moviegoers. In the course of this discussion, I mentioned Hiegl was hot. Mrs. Shark interjected, "You think she's hot?" Not that she was offended or anything, but she seemed kind of surprised. I guess I thought it was common knowledge, but evidently not. Well, anyway, now that I've said this for the record, no more innocent ogling when she's watching "Grey's Anatomy."