On the Radio: 5 songs I DON'T want to hear again on True Oldies

Some months ago, I saw a change for the better on the local radio dial as Smooth Jazz exited its home at 105.9 and Scott Shannon's syndicated True Oldies Channel service entered. Now, I know many radio lovers hate canned services like this one, and I can't blame them, but this kind of music left the area several years ago when Big 100 switched to Classic Rock, and I'm glad to hear it back. Plus, True Oldies, while imperfect, is much better and richer in material than the Big 100 oldies.

The True Oldies Channel does fun things like theme weekends, forgotten oldies that really could have been forgotten by people who have seen a movie in the last 20 years, and even--GASP--actual music from the 1950s every now and then. Oh, you still get a lot of the same overplayed oldies we've heard for decades, but I think those songs deserve a slot on the radio, and better they're heard over and over again than some of the newer stuff I hear over and over again.
Hey, speaking of "Over and Over Again," I heard that Dave Clark Five gem recently on True Oldies and was quite glad all over.

OK, now here come the complaints: There's way too much disco and dinosaur rock. I still think "oldies" should be 50s, 60s, maybe some 70s, but since there is so much 70s rock elsewhere on the radio, I don't need it on the True Oldies Channel, and I turn the dial in frustration whenever I hear "Taking Care of Business." And I LIKE a lot of dinosaur rock. I just don't need it here.

Yet I sort of understand it's appearance there. It seems most of that stuff is in drive time, and maybe they're chasing a slightly younger demo then. When Shannon himself is heard on the air, you have a better chance of hearing rarer stuff and older stuff. But they have to play the 70s hits, too, I suppose, and I'll accept that the Me Decade is considered "oldies" now.

But there are some tunes that should never appear in this format. Most of these I am going to list are songs I only heard once or twice; perhaps they were experimental spins for test purposes. Whatever the case may be, I don't want to hear them again:

1) "You Got It" by Roy Orbison: I can almost see the rationale here. It's a popular song by an oldies artist, and it sounds reminiscent enough of earlier work to not embarrass anybody. But it came out in 1989 and was played into the ground then. Granted, it was in part a celebration of the life of the legendary singer, who died months before the album and single appeared, but it's 20 years later now. Leave this one to the soft rock stations.

2) "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys: Good Lord, no. The very existence of this song is enough to make me call for a blanket rule forbidding all modern songs by newer artists. I had one of the best times in my life on my honeymoon in Aruba, but the whole experience was nearly ruined by a bar band's rendition of this terrible song soiling the night air as I walked on the beach. It was a mere days before I escaped the island without hearing "Kokomo." I should be able to feel safer when listening to True Oldies.

3) "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes: 1981, folks. 1981. I am not ready to concede that the 80s are legit ground for oldies radio. This song doesn't even sound oldies. Again, leave this one to Adult Contemporary/Light Rock/80s/Hit Mix formats.

4) "Bille Jean" by Michael Jackson: Hearing this one threw me. The only Jacko I want to hear on this station is the one backed by 4 of his brothers. Well, maybe "Ben" is acceptable, but not "Billie Jean."

5) "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins: AAARGH! Why don't we just play the whole "Footloose" and "Top Gun" soundtracks while we're at it? "Billie Jean" is bad enough, but at least it was a great song in its time. "Footloose" was...not. I think I need another decade or two to forget it.