50 Reasons to Turn Off Your TV: Part 1

"Rolling Stone" devoted 3 paragraphs of its latest issue to reviewing the remastered CDs of the greatest pop music act of all time, and it spent 30 pages detailing "The Top 50 Reasons to Watch Tv." Not even just 50 reasons--the TOP 50, as if there are SO many more!

I think most of us know that while there is some quality programming out there, most of what's on the tube is garbage, so in that spirit, I present Cultureshark's official 2009 list of 50 reasons to turn off your TV. And just think, the new season hasn't even really started yet! Check back each day for a new set of 10 reasons.

1) ION Network: You have to hand it to this channel, though. When it was PAX, it showed infomercials and a bunch of crappy originals. Then it became ION and focused on infomercials and a bunch of crappy reruns. Now the network is poised to bring back crappy originals! Go, ION!

2) Kathie Lee Gifford: The woman has quietly become a fixture of morning television again, thereby making both television and mornings a little scarier.

3) "Melrose Place": Proof that we're out of ideas. If this does well, how long before the "revamped" version of "The Heights"? Not only is this just a bad idea in and of itself, it's a national platform for the "acting talents" of Ashlee Simpson.

4) Live-action shows on Cartoon Network: They're not just on Adult Swim anymore, they're all over the place. And they stink, too.

5) Giant network bugs plastered all over the screen: I'd almost respect this if it were a tactic to sell DVDs.

6) No "Odd Couple" on TV nationally: Sure, I can watch them all on DVD, and most networks would butcher the show, anyway, but we still need to ask ourselves: What's the point of having TV if it doesn't give you "The Odd Couple"?

7) Fox's coverage of Major League Baseball (especially in the playoffs): Extreme closeup of batter. Extreme closeup of pitcher. Closeup of shivering fan in the stands. Closeup of manager. Extreme closeup of concerned fan in the stands. Repeat cycle for the rest of the game.

8) Chick rock: Here I refer to the very strong odds that if you tune into any of dozens of television shows on at any given moment in prime time, you might suffer through the likes of K.T. Tunstall while a sassy female character "gets her groove on," "gets her life in order," or just plain "gets down and gets funky."

9) The staggering amount of time it takes theatrical movies to reach Showtime: No wonder they're pushing stuff like "Weeds" and "Nurse Jackie." If you're waiting for something to come on Showtime, you're waiting a long time--and if you're lucky, watching a lot of recent movies on HBO and Cinemax in the meantime.

10) PBS' never-ending pledge drive: This renders PBS unwatchable for about 80% of the year. It's not just the commercial breaks to beg for money, but it's also the appearance of "Dr. Wayne Dyer Saves Your Miserable Life" or "My Music: Novelty Songs of the Seventies Part 2" every weekend.

Be here tomorrow, same web time, same web channel, for 10 more!