My wife reads "People" so you don't have to: Kate Gosselin

When I go long stretches without reporting on "People" magazine, I worry that my loyal readers will panic and feel that, indeed, they now have to read it themselves. Yes, it's true that I have not read it--er, stumbled upon an open issue that my wife left laying around the house, that is--but I realized the other day I've neglected y'all. So to make amends, I dug up the most significant issue of the year: That's right, the one with Kate Gosselin on the cover promising to tell us how she got her buff beach bod.

Is it natural? Is it surgically enhanced? Is there witchcraft involved?

Well, according to Kate--get ready, folks, her position on this is a shocker--it's all natural. Apart from the tummy tuck she had a few years ago--and, come on, those don't count--she just worked hard to get that fabulous bikini body. Breast enhancements? Pshaw! Botox? Puh-leez!

Don't you feel better now?

Elsewhere in the article, Kate whines about not being able to meet a nice guy. Apparently the "losers" that leer at her aren't good enough. Her complaints make me chuckle. Let's see here. Now, granted, she does look pretty good in "People," but looks aren't everything. We know that Kate Gosselin is 1) Divorced, 2) Mother of 8 children (last I checked), 3) Addicted to being on television in whatever format will accept her, 4) Quite possibly a raving, controlling maneater. And if WE know that, you can bet those nice doctors and lawyers (I'm assuming she's ruled out the plastic surgeons and divorce lawyers) for whom she clamors know it, too.

Yep, no baggage here!