Rhetorical Pop Quiz

While watching some WWE 24/7 this week, I formulated this question:

Which of these 1980s icons consumed the most, uh, "marching powder"?

A) Roddy Piper
B) Hulk Hogan
C) Pat O'Brien

It's tough to watch a Piper interview from the mid-1980s without thinking that something besides Scottish guile is providing inspiration. Hogan's promos are a little less manic, but not exactly restrained.

As for Pat O' Brien, well, I have never seen him on WWE 24/7, but he hung around the NBA in the eighties, and we know what happened to him more recently. Come to think of it, he would have been an outstanding addition to the WWF announce team back then. Sure, Leaping Lanny Poffo was around to do the poetry, but Gene Okerlund could have used some help with the locker room interviews.

Better yet, imagine Pat sitting in the stands at Madison Square Garden during a big event, talking up the celebrities. Or picture him doing "thought pieces" during the show, with maybe a reflective essay closing the broadcast.

This goes directly into my "Should Have Been" file.

Rhetorical Pop Quiz

Q: What's the most exciting TV return coming up this week?

1) "Lost" this Thursday on ABC

2) "Flavor of Love 3" on VH-1

3) "America's Ballroom Challenge" on PBS

4) Delta Burke returns to TV in Hallmark's "Bridal Fever"

Rhetorical Pop Quiz: Jolly Christmas Songs

What is the "gayest"-sounding Christmas rock song?

A) Elton John's 'Step Into Christmas."

B) Wham's "Last Christmas."

C) This question is patently offensive and should not be dignified.
How can you stoop so low...as to include the word "Christmas"?

Rhetorical Pop Quiz: Blender Magazine

Why in the world is Andy Samberg on the cover of this month's issue of "Blender," ostensibly a music magazine?

A) There are only so many topless music starlets to spotlight, and half of them already appeared recently on Rolling Stone.

B) Cover subjects are chosen months ahead, and someone clearly thought Samberg's movie "Hot Rod" WOULDN'T bomb.

C) Andy Samberg is enough of a musician. He performed with Justin Timberlake! Come on! Besides, he was #1 on Blender's Hot 100 list and earned the cover that way.

I don't know what the answer is, folks, but I do know that this magazine compounded the error of putting that guy's goofy mug on its cover by running inside the pages one of the least sexy pictures ever of Scarlett Johansson. A nice chance at a make-good of sorts ruined.

Blender had better get its act together next month. A cover of a musician, or at least a comedian worth hyping, would be a good start.

Rhetorical Pop Quiz

On Tuesday, Paramount releases "Season 1, Volume 1" of one of the most acclaimed TV dramas of all time, "The Fugitive."

Why on Earth is the company splitting this show into two releases per season on DVD?

A) It's loading up the discs with so many great extras that in order to preserve technical quality on the actual episodes, Paramount decided to go for less overall discs per set.

B) Overwhelming positive response from fans who bought such Paramount sets as "Perry Mason Season One Volume One" and "Streets of San Francisco Season One Volume One" convinced the studio that fans don't like to be inundated with too much content at once.

C) By doing it this way, they can make fans buy two sets instead of one and thereby pump more money into Paramount's coffers for the same basic product.

I'm not going to share my answer, but let me just say that this Fugitive set has no extras, and the only reaction I've seen to the "split-season" approach is frustration that buyers have to wait longer to get a full season. Draw your own conclusion.