Budget DVD Theater: She Gods of Shark Reef

I was in the mood to dig into one of my "economy" multi-movie DVD packs the other day, and somehow I randomly selected "She Gods of Shark Reef" from the Sci-Fi Classics 100 pack. "It could be a lot of fun," I figured, "and even if it isn't, it's been a while since I've done a Budget DVD Theater, so maybe I can get a good post out of it."

Well, I think I'm gonna be batting 0 for 2 here, folks.

"She Gods" is not one of Roger Corman's better efforts, nor one of his more entertaining ones. It's never a good sign when, while watching a movie, you ponder why it hasn't been done as a "Mystery Science Theater 3000" episode. I don't mean that as in, "Hey, this would have made a stellar MST3K." I mean I during this film, I was actually compiling an informal list of reasons why they didn't use this movie. Chief among them in my account is the interminable rowing. Over and over again, basic shots of people rowing. Not dynamic rowing, just rowing. Row, row your boat...On and on and on...Yeah, that would have been good for a few good lines from Joel/Mike and the gang, but after that, it probably would have just gotten old.

Instead of giving you a summary of the plot, how about a warning: This isn't so bad it's good. If you do watch it, do so with a friend so you can fill in the dull spots with a running wise-ass commentary. The source material may not be ripe enough for MST3K, but it might be enough for you to give yourself a few yuks sitting on the couch.

I tried, but I really don't have a lot more to say about this one. How about I just wrap it up here and strive to do better next time?

UPDATES on previous posts

To get maximum enjoyment out of this post, each time you see the word "UPDATE," please read it out loud the way Dennis Farina barked "UPDATE" for the added material he recorded to tack onto older segments during his "Unsolved Mysteries" reboot.

UPDATE Antenna TV will indeed bring out those older shows: A lot of us classic TV lovers, jaded by the shabby treatment given us by TV Land, felt queasy when Antenna launched without some of the true rarities that had been promised as part of the initial lineup. Well, the ever-informative Pavan of the indispensable Sitcoms Online news blog reported last week that "Burns and Allen," "Circus Boy," "The Iron Horse," and "Rin Tin Tin" really are coming at the end of May, along with more recent/less rare additions "Soap" and "Mad About You."

Pavan reported this on the site's message boards with maybe a wee bit of unseemly self-satisfaction, especially considering us skeptics weren't doubting HIS integrity so much as Antenna's genuine commitment to showing the rare and vintage. I don't think it's an unreasonable approach to say "we'll wait and see" with regards to this programming service, especially given that it is showing edited episodes of everything. Still, thanks to Sitcoms Online for setting the record straight, and thanks to Antenna for freshening its lineup without dumping anything of consequence ("The Nanny" will not be missed in my household). There are a lot of changes, though, and "Hazel" is getting booted to the wee hours, but, hey, change isn't always a bad thing, and "Hazel" is on the verge of completing a full run in the next few days or so.

The only disappointing aspect of this news is that we still have to wait for "Farmer's Daughter" and "Ford Theatre," two other shows postponed from that January launch--the two I may have been most excited to see. Antenna assures us they are coming as soon as they get usable tapes from Sony, and I will say this news certainly gives me confidence that they mean it. We'll just have to wait.

UPDATE RTV's Facebook page is back up: Well, not exactly "back up," as the old one was nuked and replaced with a new one. A few weeks back, I speculated that the demise of the network's Facebook outpost was due to company incompetence, but RTV reports it was a Facebook screw-up. Hmm, very strange. But I owe RTV an apology, and I welcome them back to social media.

Unfortunately, I'm not linking to the new Facebook page because...I can't find the damn thing! It may well still be there, but I spent 5 minutes hunting for it without success, and since that's about 4 minutes 57 seconds longer than it should take to locate a page for a major media company, I'm wondering if there are some kind of shenanigans occurring again. But I DID see it last week. Honest, I did.

***UPDATE to the UPDATE: A kind soul provided the link in the comments below, and kinder yet, did not add, "How could you have not found this, you idjit?" So thanks to that individual, and in case someone sees this post but not that comment, click here to get to the new, still somewhat undertrafficked RTV Facebook page.

Oh, and my local RTV affiliate carried the same schedule over to the second quarter, meaning no "Kojak." I don't hear any word about RTV freshening up its offerings, either.

UPDATE Not exactly an update to a previous post, but an update to a post I didn't actually produce: Ivan at Thrilling Days of Yesteryear wrote an entertaining review of "Sing and Like It," a fun little picture recently screened on TCM. I had thought about writing something about the movie myself, but Ivan did it first and surely better, and you should go read it if you haven't yet done so.

All I'll add is that any film with Nat Pendelton, Ned Sparks, John Qualen, and Edward Everett Horton is a must-see in my book, and that while I don't want to condone the roughing around of Pert Kelton performed by Pendelton's character, Pert IS tougher than the Saturday "Times" crossword in this movie and is even more menacing than he is.

UPDATE Budget DVD Theater to return to Cultureshark after all?: I'm almost too embarrassed to bring this up (and notice I'm burying it at the bottom of a lengthy post), but, uh, remember around the holidays--sadly, I don't mean St. Patrick's Day, either--when I touted the return of the occasional Budget DVD Theater feature with a fresh look at one of the worst things I had ever seen?

Well, it's been a while, yes, and I've been busy, but I DID see the material in question. Odd thing was, it wasn't nearly as bad as I remembered. Oh, it wasn't great, but I found myself kind of understanding what it was going for and appreciating it on some level. So this kind of killed my enthusiasm for writing about it because, hey, if you can't go on your blog and make bitchy comments about something, what's the use, right?

But I do feel the need to revisit it at some point, and now that the second little shark in the family is getting older and life is getting a bit more routine at Cultureshark Tower, I do intend to bring back the feature. Uh, no promises as to when, though.

Budget DVD Theater UPDATE

Last week I made a big deal out of the pending return of Budget DVD Theater, coyly announcing I had picked the selection but not yet re-watched it. I declared it was the perfect turkey for a Thanksgiving Day post.

Well, hold the turkey this year, friends (Me, I prefer ham, and I am especially thankful my mother-in-law will offer the swine as well as the fowl). Instead, may I offer you a spot of...weasel?

The sad truth is I have not yet screened the Budget DVD Theater turkey, as family and work commitments have kept me occupied--and, OK, maybe I'm still a little reluctant to actually sit down and watch the thing again for the first time in years. I will try to do so tonight, but I am not sure when I can actually deliver Budget DVD Theater--though I expect to at least get some other stuff up this holiday weekend--so I make no more promises.

In the meantime, I offer these clues about the selection:
1) It is old
2) It is black and white
3) It is < or = 30 minutes

Stay tuned, and Happy Thanksgiving!

It's coming!

It's been a long time since we had an installment of "Budget DVD Theater" on the site, but I have found--no, I have procured--the perfect vehicle to resume the series.

It is with some trepidation that I take this step, though, because the material that I will re-watch for this is so bad that it may ruin me for any other material I watch on DVD for weeks afterward. I first saw it maybe 15 years ago on VHS, and I "enjoyed" it because it was so bad. My father and I had a great time watching it and trying to decipher it ("Is this SUPPOSED to be like this? Was that MEANT to be like that?"), but guess what? This time, my dad isn't going to be here with me.

You'll notice I have not mentioned WHAT I will actually be watching and blogging about. Well, I am committed enough to post this announcement/warning, but I figure if I don't name names, I can back out before I actually do it. I can't yet guarantee I can make it through this the second time around without the sounding board of my father. Then there's the uncertainty that stems from owning this material in DVD format. Will the picture and sound be better? Do I WANT it to be? It's possible the worst way to experience this is in digitally remastered visual and audio glory.

I'm giving myself until Thanksgiving to watch and write about this thing, and if I have the guts to go through with it, Budget DVD Theater will resume on Thanksgiving, a special holiday treat for everyone whose stomachs will already be strained by massive doses of turkey.

Budget DVD Theater: Law of the Jungle

The First Law of the Jungle, a careful viewing of this 1942 Monogram effort reveals, is as follows: When in a confined space and approached by an angry gorilla, fire your shotgun at the beast. If he still advances after you empty the weapon, you must throw the gun at the creature.

This moment tells you what you need to know about "Law of the Jungle." As a big fan of "throwing the gun at your opponent after you run out of bullets" scenes, I'm overjoyed to see a jungle explorer do it to a gorilla. I hoped it would happen, it happened, and I cheered. Alpha Video brings us this entertaining little jungle flick on a DVD that is worth about what you'll pay for it.

There are some other jungle laws that are followed here, such as:

*Thou shalt not expect too much from a PRC effort that is barely an hour long. There is a plot, though, and you gotta say, it moves.

*Do not look too closely at the scenery. It's the jungle, OK? Just go with it.

*Since the movie IS set in the African jungle, expect copious jokes about cannibalism.

*There will be pompous villains with foreign accents. This is the early 40s, so they will be Nazis.

*Mantan Moreland is always not only funny, but the most interesting person on the screen at any given time (this is more of a general Law of the Movies). Indeed, Mantan is enjoyable in this one as the valet/sidekick/comic relief of the straightlaced professor who is exploring the jungle. He's a riot when he cheats the natives at dice.

*You had better believe there will be a homely female native who sets her sights on the comic relief in hopes of engaging him in some exotic marriage ritual.

"Law of the Jungle" obeys these laws with efficiency and provides a fun hour or so of typical jungle melodrama and Mantan Moreland hijinks. There is a story about a Brooklyn stage performer stranded in the exotic locale because her passport was stolen. Turns out someone is pursuing her...but why? Will the singer find a sympathetic ear in American explorer Larry Mason, in Africa to dig up some old bones (a task which gives Moreland some good bits of business)?

This stuff isn't always the most thrilling cinematic material, but things pick up near the end when this group meets the local chief. As for our singer, well, I guess she and Mason are the nominal leads, but they aren't all that compelling. Not to offend any Arline Judge fans, but she's not exactly a fresh-faced ingenue, and you get the sense that her safari's had a lot more mileage than she lets on.

It's directed by old Monogram hand Jean Yarbrough, and if you expect more than what you get here, well, you just don't appreciate what you're getting. It's a great selection for Budget DVD Theater because of the gun scene alone, but fortunately there is enough Mantan to fill out the hour.

Budget DVD Theater: Life with Elizabeth

Let me tell you something about my dad. He loves old TV, and he loves finding 1950s and 1960s TV shows on dollar DVDs. I should say LOVED, because it looks like the days of dollar DVDs are gone. We miss the joy of entering a Target and finding a new batch of cheapo discs, and I even regret not having the opportunity to wade through dozens of "Bonanza" and Superman cartoon discs to find something I haven't already seen at 18 different stores.

Yes, my dad and I love Budget DVD Theater, but there's one show he does not love. In fact, he hates it. In much the same way the womenfolk in the family cringe when the men raise the specter of a Wheeler and Woolsey marathon, I can make him shudder with the mere mention of one mostly forgotten 1950s syndicated sitcom:

"Life with Elizabeth."

(Note to self: Next time, enhance suspense by not revealing name of sitcom in question in the title of the post)

My father and I are pals, and I can't ever see myself intentionally causing him harm, but much like Batman keeps some kryptonite in the Batcave in case he needs to confront Superman, I always have a cheapo DVD or two of "Life with Elizabeth" on hand just in case Dad ever goes rogue.

Now, you might think this show isn't all THAT bad, especially considering it stars Betty White. Everyone loves Betty White, the sharp-witted comedienne, game show personality, and all-around talented TV icon, right?

Well, that Betty White isn't in "Life With Elizabeth." No, here she is playing a goofy, naive young bride--not stupid, exactly, but sort of childish in her overall outlook and tendency to get her cute little self into these darned crazy situations. There's no edge, no guile, just a lovably silly housewife who often needs to get her comeuppance from her smug, condescending husband Alvin.

On "I Love Lucy," those crazy situations might include struggling to keep up with a conveyor belt of candy or clowning around with a Hollywood celebrity. On "Life with Elizabeth," the TV is broken. Or she wants to plant a tree, and Alvin says no. Or the couple goes to a drive-in restaurant and encounters a malaprop-spouting waitress who can't get their order right.

Yes, folks, this is gentle comedy. Gentle comedy has its place, especially in old-school TV, but I also like comedic comedy, and the problem with "Life with Elizabeth" is it's just not that funny. Almost all the jokes come in the form of some groan-inducing pun Elizabeth shares with Alvin, and even though she giggles each time she delivers one as if to let us know she knows it's silly, it's still supposed to be funny.

The show is pretty bad, to be sure, but I don't think it's as bad as my father thinks it is. I don't think anything could be as bad as he thinks it is. Yet all I have to do is suggest we put in an episode of this one, and I can practically hear him thinking, "How difficult is it to legally disown your son?" And this is a man who has seen and enjoyed an awful lot of garbage over the years--much of it stuff he would admit is garbage.

I don't know what makes this particular series his nemesis, but I do find the format sort of intriguing. An announcer (future game show mainstay Jack Narz) introduces the show and the characters and tells us we'll see 3 incidents in the life of this married couple. He sets up the first segment by saying, "In our first incident..." and then he pops up throughout the show to introduce and bridge the segments. This all looks rather quaint today.

Oh, and Betty White often looks to the camera and responds to comments from the announcer when those segments begin. From what I've seen, though, she usually ignores us when Alvin enters the room. That Alvin! As played by Del Moore, this insufferable hubby is grating today, but perhaps back then his generic imperious male character was more tolerable.

In fact, the only way I can really enjoy "Life with Elizabeth" is to imagine that Elizabeth loathes Alvin and spends all her waking hours plotting ways to aggravate him as payback for being such a pill. She keeps a dopey smile on her face the whole time to mask the genuine delight she takes in disrupting Alvin's day with her inane comments and puns.

I guess the show is going for this on some small level, with White playing a mischievous but pleasant scamp, but as played, it's not good enough for me. No, I have to believe Elizabeth herself is a brilliant performer, not to mention cunning enough to never let her guard down and reveal to anyone--not the viewers watching her 30 minutes a week, not the pesky announcer who keeps sticking his nose in her business, and CERTAINLY not her "better half"--that her entire existence is but one long buildup to the day when her ridiculous jokes finally lull Alvin into a deep enough state of weary indifference that she can bludgeon him with a rolling pin and marry an insurance salesman.

That is almost enough to get me through an episode in which the big joke is Elizabeth making a pun with "votes" and "volts" while Alvin tries to fix the TV set. I don't think it works for my dad, though, and if he sees this post, he may try to bludgeon ME with a rolling pin just for writing so much about this show.

Budget DVD Theater: Twenty-One

This series is, of course, famous for being crooked, and if you ask me (or just read me, really), the episode on a dollar DVD I bought at Target a few years ago titled "Game Show Classics" is no exception. "Twenty-One" is so crooked, I have to tilt my head 45 degrees just to watch it.

Actually, I don't know that this episode is rigged, and I don't think I want to know. While watching it, I sure get the feeling that something is up. Is that because of the show's reputation? Yeah, that's part of it, but not all.

Two contestants square off in this one, as the show joins a match in progress "the fourth tie game in a row," according to the announcer)between the champion, Hank; and challenger, Harold. It a thrilling game with drama, tension, and a down-to-the-wire finish. It's almost too good to be true, you might say.

What really catches my eye isn't the game play itself, but rather how the contestants behave. The champ has a habit of taking a lot of his time allotted to give a response, often coming up short initially on one component. Then he makes a big show of thinking, furrowed brow in place, until finally he gets a flash in his eyes, and he says something like, "Oh, I know," and then blurts it out as though it just came to him.

Notice my language is slanted in favor of it all being an act. I admire the whole spectacle if it is; this contestant gives a hell of a performance.

On the other side, the challenger doesn't quite deliver that kind of drama, but he has a just-bordering-on-wise-ass kind of grin that offers a nice contrast to the champ. Harold doesn't throw in the big pauses as often, but he talks through the questions as if he's working the problems out loud to get the answer.

At the end of the show, everyone shakes hands and soaks in the moment, enjoying the aftermath of an outstanding game show match-up. I don't want to give away the dynamics of the match, but you can't help but wonder if quiz programs should be rigged. This episode is a lot of fun, and I don't care if it's all staged. Maybe today a game show scandal would irritate me, but in the realm of Budget DVD Theater, looking back at a show of yore, it's part of the charm, and I almost want it to be as crooked as my suspicions indicate.

To think this DVD only cost a buck! Ah, how I miss the days of rooting through bins for hidden treasures. This disc, which features 5 other old-school TV quiz shows, is surely one of the best dollar DVDs of all time.

Warner Archives

3 things I like about the new Warner Archives program that has the Internet buzzing:

1) Selection: If just about everything is going to available through this program eventually, that's obviously great news. The fact is, I'm happy just watching a lot of old movies on TCM. But many don't have DVD recorders or just like owning copies of their favorite films, and plus Turner Classic Movies, great as it is, doesn't show everything from the vaults--not by a long shot.

2) Emphasis on classics: A cool aspect of this story is it's giving classic movies (read: OLD movies) a nice wave of pub. News outlets are emphasizing the amount of stuff that isn't on video, which is a good reminder for people that groan that "EVERYTHING must be on DVD by NOW." At a time when places like Best Buy aren't expending much effort on showcasing vintage films, it's nice to see an effort made to provide the material and keep it alive.

3) Warners is doing it: If any big studio is gonna do this kind of DVD-on-demand thing and start a precedent or two, I'm sure glad it's WB. There are gonna be bumps in the road for a while, but the company, George Feltenstein in particular, have a lot of great ideas here: Not putting junky transfers out, giving consumers a chance to watch clips and preview the titles, etc. I believe this program will be carried out with class and respect for the fans. Many people might disagree when these movies start coming out on retail releases at a lower price point, but...

3 things I don't like about this:

1) The price point: 20 bucks is way too high for me, especially for movies I haven't seen. Call me spoiled, but I'm used to getting DVDs with bonuses, DVDs on pressed (not burned) discs, for much less money. I've already cut back on what I spend on movie DVDs (I prefer TV box sets and movie box sets that offer good overall value), and I can't afford shelling out bucks for even the cool old titles that will be on the way with this initiative.

2) Bye bye, box sets?: Speaking of those box sets, Warners claims this is not replacing its retail release programs. But in the first assortment of available titles, I see some Cary Grant movies. In a chat with HTF members last night, studio reps said there were no plans for another Gangsters set, and that we should look for Bogart, Robinson, Cagney, and Raft in the Archives. Well...yay. But I'd rather see those movies for less than 20 bucks a pop. I'd really rather see them in their own dedicated box sets.

The Warner Archives is a great idea if it supplements and expands on the conventional DVD releases, but not if it replaces. Yes, lots of discs are still planned for retail this year, including a fifth Noir set. But looking at that chat, I can't help but be discouraged by all the "Look for __ in the Archives" answers in response to questions about stars and titles. Hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised by announcements of upcoming retail releases.

What does this say about the hobby of collecting movies on DVD? Maybe I was a fool to even dream of an affordable mass-market Wallace Beery Collection. But at the risk of sounding pessimistic, if Warners can't make Humphrey Bogart or Cary Grant or even John Garfield (relegated to the Archives according to the chat) work on "regular" DVD, where are we with DVD?

3) No rentals?: OK, here's where my true cheapo nature comes out. I already complained about the 20 bucks a pop, but I must admit I really like to rent a lot of movies, not buy them. It doesn't seem that Netflix will be an outlet for these movies. It's been a nice luxury picking and choosing the WB titles I want to own while merely "borrowing" the others, sometimes using the rental process to sample things I might buy later (though I'll level with you; if there's a legit chance I might buy something, I usually won' t bother renting it at all).

Budget DVD Theater: Make Room for Daddy

Here's the deal: I have a ton of cheapo DVDs and cheapo DVD collections--some of them a buck apiece, others in value sets--and I tend to let them sit around and pile up. Incidentally, what happened to dollar DVDs? I STILL go to the $1 Spot each time I hit Target, hoping to find a new selection of shoddy TV collections. I refuse to believe that every public domain episode of television programming has already been issued on a dozen different dollar discs.

Well, I will no longer neglect these cheapo--er, let's call them BUDGET discs. I'll take one out and write about it every now and then, so that way I reduce the pile AND get to write off the DVDs on my taxes.

(I'm not really gonna write off dollar DVDs on my taxes, of course, but, come on, indulge me and let me act like a real writer just this once).

Kicking off our prestigious new series is Danny Thomas in "Make Room for Daddy." Tonight's episode, "The Children's Governess," is likely a familiar one. There are apparently a handful of episodes of this 1950s sitcom in public domain, and they all show up over and over on various releases. Tonight's selection comes on a cardboard-sleeved collection of 3 episodes.

This episode offers a simple story in which the show's original wife/mom, Jean Hagen, wants her kids to be more proper, or PRAH-pah, so she hires a governess to watch them while she and Danny are out of town. The uptight guv, with all her rules and regulations and manners, drives the kids crazy, and she also conflicts with easygoing Grandma. Oh, I didn't mention Grandma? She just drops in when she finds out the parents were heading out of town, assuming she'll be doing her usual babysitting duties.

The plot isn't innovative, probably not even by 1955 standards, but it produces a solid half-hour of comedy. The high point is when the kids decide to be hyperpolite and PRAH-pah (to expose how ridiculous the governess is), and during breakfast, Rusty comes down and calls Danny FADER.

This simple yet ridiculous utterance infuriates Danny until he declares he wants no more "high-ta-flootin'" talk. Rusty responds by standing up and saying, "My most humble apologies," with a formal bow, which produces a 5-star spit take as Thomas lets go of his coffee/tea/mystery breakfast liquid with abandon. It's a hilarious moment, and you can even see Hagen smiling--not entirely out of character, but I like to believe she's really on the verge of losing it. It's obvious that Rusty Hamer is cracking up. The scene fades out on this high note.

Legend* has it that Thomas' spit take was so prodigious, it reached director Sheldon Leonard 20 feet away. After the scene, a glowering Leonard approached Thomas, raised a clenched fist, and threatened, "Why I oughta..." As the cast, crew, and studio audience held its collective breaths, Thomas just stared for what seemed like hours, until Leonard finally finished his sentence:

"...have you do that EVERY episode, Danny! That was SPECTACULAR!"

As the tension evaporated, a stagehand rushed in with a towel as Thomas and Leonard embraced. The Danny Thomas Spit Take became a staple.

Really, though, it isn't the volume of the launch that makes the spitting so impressive; it's the conviction. No one could accuse Thomas of not feeling this one. Hearing "FADER," then seeing that bow, has so rattled this father that he truly can't hold his water, so to speak.

Throw in the original Pall Mall cigarette commercials (it's eerie but fascinating to see them integrated into a family sitcom) included on the DVD, and this disc is already worth my dollar and then some.

There are two official season sets of this show: Questar's inferior, edited season 5, and S'Mores reportedly excellent (but reportedly non-selling) season 6. Each time I see an episode of "Make Room," I want to see more. Simply put, this is a funny show that is underappreciated today because of its lack of exposure. Daughter Marlo is still around, but I don't see a lot of Danny Thomas hype out there, and though I think this was a Nick at Nite staple in the eighties, good luck finding the show on TV today. I remember seeing it in reruns when I was a wee lad, but seeing it now is like finding a lost gem. The show is not just good because it's old or nostalgic; it's good because it's funny.

And because it has great spit takes.

*"Legend" is another word for "I made it up"