Brooks on Books: Of All the Gin Joints: Stumbling Through Hollwood History by Mark Bailey and Edward Hemingway

This is a delightful and unique blend of vintage Hollywood history, gossip, and, yes, booze. I'm no expert on alcoholic beverages, and I thought the drinking content might dominate the text. However, much to my surprise, there is every bit as much pure movie gossip, including some outrageous stories. It's one of the most entertaining showbiz books I read in recent years.

You lushes know who you are, but I am not judging. I think I AM gonna judge old Hollywood, though, which consists of nothing but depraved drunkards. OK, I exaggerate a bit. And the tone of the book is decidedly on the lighter side of binge imbibing and chronic alcoholism. Still...sheesh!

The book divides Hollywood into 4 distinct eras, ending in 1979. Each mini-sized chapter begins with a profile of an individual--actor, screenwriter, director, etc.--and is "chased" with a look at a bar/lounge/some other place where drinks were imbibed. Often a cocktail recipe closes out the section. Hemingway provides brilliant illustrations while Bailey writes the witty and savvy text. Behind-the-scenes accounts of specific productions like Beat the Devil, loaded with anecdotes, make for amusing sidebars.

Yes, everything revolves around alcohol, but, wow, when we talk about movies and booze, we are covering a lot of ground. One way or another, most of the big names and faces in the history of the medium find their way into their book, whether they were alcoholics or not (and many were). You get all kinds of debauchery and bad behavior; a lot of it is hilarious, but some of it is quite sad, even tragic.

A lot of this is familiar to enthusiasts--stories include the trial of Fatty Arbuckle, the near-fatal car crash that forever altered Montgomery Clift's appearance, and Frank Sinatra and Joe DiMaggio's ill-fated attempt to bust into a reputed dalliance of Marilyn Monroe's. Yet the telling of it all is concise and enlightening, and besides, there is a lot on here that is less familiar, at least to me.

There's Steve McQueen taking LSD with Mamie Van Doren, William Holden dangling from a 14th-floor windowsill, Charles Butterworth dressing in drag to enter the Garden of Allah, and Talullah Bankead wooing Johnny Weismuller. There are great mini-histories of long-vanished hotspots like Romanoff's and places that are still around in some form, like the Polo Lounge.

My guess is that the connossieurs out there won't need the recipes for the drinks (many of which were invented by figures in the book), but they will be amused by their origins and the details. The rest of us can sit back and enjoy this tour through the wetter side of filmdom, and if we are inspired to pick up an adult beverage, what's the harm? Apart from some of the terrible things that happen to people who drink too much in the anecdotes in the book?

Half-assed Gourmet: The Tony Danza Breakfast

Did you read about Tony Danza's secret method for longevity? He eats the same breakfast each day: a banana and 3 breadsticks. He makes 65 look 45, claims the article!

I am not 65, but I want to look 20 years younger! As part of my continuing efforts to expand my palate, I decided to give the Tony Danza Breakfast a try. After all, I love bananas, and I usually have one each day as part of my breakfast smoothie.

So one recent morning, I grabbed a banana and...ate it. Pretty simple.

Then I realized I didn't have any breadsticks.

What am I supposed to do, go buy fresh breadsticks for BREAKFAST? Make them the night before and reheat them? I don't live in Little Italy, you know. I can't just walk down the street at 7:00, whistling and waving to the birds, and buy a handful of breadsticks.

So I scrapped the Tony Danza Breakfast. I can't do that.

What I CAN do is watch an episode of The Tony Danza Show in the morning. So it's kind of like Breakfast WITH Tony Danza. Maybe that will make me live longer and stay youthful.

There aren't too many full episodes online, but the final one is on YouTube:

After making a breadstick-free smoothie, I sit down and start the show. It begins with Danza singing "Start of Something Big," and I am questioning my life choices. I don't mean my choice in watching this clip. I mean my general life choices.

Danza moves into a sad monologue, making some self-deprecating jokes that mostly miss, experiencing some kind of technical issue, and reading a looooong list of thank yous. It's a bad sign that when he mentions its the last show, he gets no pity AWWWWW from the audience.

Next its Extravadanza, a combination of morning show "prove you watch us" trivia and Plinko played with a caller. I have to say, I do kind of miss the word "Extravadanza."

He introduces one of his favorite guests, Liza Minnelli, only she's on the road, and so they have to do a pretaped segment for his final show.  She sings to him, and it's not exactly Bette serenading Johnny.

You never know who will show up on Danza's set, and to prove this "anything can happen" vibe, we get a walk-on from...Al Roker. Next up is a montage of Tony's remote pieces, but frankly I am still too jazzed over seeing Roker to appreciate it.

(I should mention that Danza has long been teased for only playing characters named "Tony," as if he couldn't remember who he was otherwise. This episode has his signature in the lower left corner the entire time. Make of that what you will.)

Friday is Frank Pesce reviews, so Frank comes out live and says his thank you and announces one final review: The Tony Danza Show. He starts ripping everything around him before telling Tony he's the best. A critic should usually stick with his first impulses.

After a break, Tony thanks MORE people. I appreciate the gesture, but, man, we could be watching Al Roker. There is another montage, this one of Tony being charming, tap dancing, saying hi to famous people (some even more well known that Roker), and just working his butt off to entertain.

He ends the show with a final song...from Tony Danza.

It may sound like I'm poking fun at Danza, but the guy is trying, and so his talk show didn't work out. Hey, he gave it a shot. He tried a lot harder than I did at trying the Tony Danza Breakfast, no doubt. I think I'm going to stick to my routine of eating what I usually eat and watching what I want to watch. If I don't look 45 when I'm 65, at least I won't have to be out hustling for breadsticks every day.

Brooks on Books: Backstage with the Original Hollywood Squares by Peter Marshall

Peter Marshall has lived a fascinating life filled with a wide variety of accomplishments. If a recent podcast appearance is any indication, he remains active and erudite at age 90, with plenty of stories about his entire career.

This book is not about his entire career, though. After a brief bit of biographical info, Marshall gets right into the story of Hollywood Squares, the iconic game show he hosted from its inception in 1966 until 1981. It's a fun read, packed with anecdotes, trivia, and personal remembrances but also solid history of the series itself.

Marshall talks about the origins of Squares, how he got the gig (replacing pilot host Bert Parks), and shares his views on regulars like Paul Lynde and Wally Cox (a surprising character in many ways) as well as the numerous other celebs who served on the panel over the years. The book is warm--Marshall's memories of the show are almost all fond--and his portrait of the cast and crew as a mostly happy family should please fans. Marshall doesn't go into detail about the drinking that took place on taping days, but he doesn't shy away from it, either, and he has (relatively tasteful) tales of off-camera debauchery that took place when the show traveled on junket-type expeditions or just shot on location. There's a brief anecdote involving Pat Buttram and a prostitute that caught my attention.

It's a surprisingly candid account with some naming of names, but Marshall has genuine fondness for his colleagues and most of the guests. Some celebrities who weren't even on the show don't come off so well.  Take John Wayne, who wrote Marshall an angry letter after being used as a punchline in one episode, saying, "I God damned well resent..." the reference.

The process of making the show and putting together the questions is a compelling tale. The producers weren't allowed to give guests the questions, but they provided bluffs/zingers to use and kind of gave them enough info to know what to prepare their "ad-libs" about if they weren't gonna get assistance from the writers.

There are lots of tidbits in here, but here's a sampling of some of his picks in various categories:

Favorite celebrity square: George Gobel

 

Least favorite: Jackie Mason (long-winded, would interrupt all the other celebrities)

 

Biggest pain in the ass: Tony Randall (He just went on and on one time and was so busy being "witty and erudite" that it slowed the game, and Marshall actually called him out on the air.)

 

Sexiest woman ever on the show: Diana Rigg (She showed up her first time wearing a t-shirt that said TITS. "Classy!)

 

Funniest square ever: Mel Brooks

 

Star with the least understanding of how to play the game: Groucho Marx (Marshall says he kept talking because he thought the show needed to avoid dead air.)

 

The only contestant who later returned as a star: OJ Simpson (No comment.)

 

There is a master list of celebs who appeared as Squares at the end, and I would accuse Marshall of padding, but there's plenty in here to provide good value, and he seems sincere in his desire to provide a record for posterity. Learning that Norman Fell was a good friend of Burt Reynolds or that Richard Burton had designs on Karen Valentine (not that I blame either one of those guys) is almost enough to make this a worthwhile read, but the whole book is an engaging experience and a must for anyone interested in the original incarnation of the classic game show.

Cultureshark Remembers...Florence Henderson

A lot of people are going to remember Florence Henderson, who died last week at 82, for her iconic role as mom Carol Brady. She was so much more than just The Brady Bunch, though. She was also in The Brady Brides, The Brady Bunch Variety Hour, The Bradys, A Very Brady Christmas...

OK, I'm joking. I really don't remember her from much more than Carol Brady and then for being the woman that played Carol Brady showing up on talk shows, game shows, commercials, and such. It felt like she showed up on Love Boat and Fantasy Island every year, but to me it was, hey, it's Florence Henderson of The Brady Bunch.

So what, though? I loved and hated the Bradys growing up. I don't recall ever enjoying it purely for itself on its merits. There was always some degree of, "Man, this is ridiculous," but I sure watched the heck out of The Brady Bunch as a kid, and Henderson was outstanding for what she was asked to do. She was totally corny but always likeable, sexy enough to be a sexy mom but always mom enough to not be too sexy.

I would never say that she was like a mom to me growing up (this is awkward after the way I ended that last paragraph) because I had a mom, and she watched Brady Bunch with me and mocked a lot of the same things I did. But what a TV mom Carol Brady was! I didn't watch TV for a real mom. I watched TV for a TV mom, and Florence Henderson delivered. She always said not to play ball in the house, but she was capable of putting on a silly costume and putting on a show with the best of them. I particularly liked her over-the-top concern, like when they got a trampoline and she spent the whole sequence fretting over the kids doing simple 8-inch jumps and falling on their butts.

All accounts suggest that Henderson was a delightful person off camera. She was a big part of my childhood for her work on camera, and this one does sting.  R.I.P.

Appalling slight to a great performer

A recent "Entertainment Weekly" featured a profile of Chris Pine, a fluffy and short piece designed to put over the idea that he is not just a franchise player, but a SERIOUS ACTOR. Indeed, his latest film is well received, and he's getting praise for it. Good for him.

What gets me is the casual reference Pine makes to his father, legendary Robert Pine, man of many roles but perhaps best known as Sgt. Getraer on "CHiPs." He says something like, "My father was an actor."

Your father was an actor? Your father was an actor? Your father is freaking Robert Pine! He was Getraer, he was in one of the best damn commercials of all time (more on that in a different project this Fall), and he was on "The Match Game," for crying out loud!

I am sure Chris Pine meant no disrespect, and I prefer to believe he gushed about his padre for several minutes. No, I blame "Entertainment Weekly," which probably doesn't recognize anything from the late 1970s/early 1980s not done by Spielberg or Lucas. Shame on you, "EW," for not providing Pine's full quote or at least some context.

Bobby Pine is not some scrub journeyman who merits only a passing mention. Would the magazine publish a story with Rumer Willis saying, "Yeah, my dad was an actor"?

Just to remind us all of the greatness of Robert Pine, here's another screencap from "Munster, Go Home!" in which Pine played a suave Englishman:

"Darling, would a mere actor emote like this?"

And just because, here's a more seasoned Pine running on the beach as Getraer:

"I'm not just an actor. I'm a real American."

I feel sorry for Britney Spears

A lot of the hype about tonight's Video Musi--Wait, we have to call them the VMAs now, I think--about tonight's VMA show on MTV concerns the potential SHOCK generated by Britney Spears' performance. Will she lip-sync (Uh, yeah)? Will she make an inappropriate gesture of some kind (perhaps)? Will she wear something revealing (Magic 8-ball says...signs point to yes).

I long ago stopped caring about the MTV Awards (If I were younger and angrier, I'd say that MTV stopped caring about ME, man!!!), but I'll admit I still care whether or not Britney Spears is going to dance on TV in something revealing, and I might even watch the YouTube clips the next day. But it's a shame that this is all the media is talking about.

One might argue that it's her choice to do this, and to an extent, of course that's true. However, she has a history of mental issues, was stripped of the ability to control her own career (her own life, even), and now spends much of her performing career at a residency in Vegas to keep her off the road, presumably because she needs a stable, controlled environment. Every time you see her post on a red carpet or in some kind of publicity deal, she dons a fake-looking smile that makes her look like a prisoner. I don't think she hates her fans or any BS like that, but I think she is genuinely trying to play the part, which makes it even sadder to me.

You know when she does look really happy to be there (I'm not a psychiatrist, but I play one on Blogger)? When she is with her kids. I hope she really loves being a mom, and I think she does. To a lesser extent, I get the feeling she enjoys performing sometimes, maybe a lot of the time given the right circumstances. Yet if she really had the choice, would she really be doing this? What really makes her happy at this point in life?

I've seen enough accounts of her demeanor offstage to wonder if it's at best a "grin and bear it" situation or at worst a "lights are on, but nobody's home" situation. I can't help but wonder if the ongoing media narrative about how controversial her high-profile performances are going to be is part of the problem. She recently released a music video, and with suspicious rapidity, stories circulated about outraged fans complaining that the "sexier" version was scrapped. I suspect that whole incident was a publicity stunt, but here's the thing: Was it Britney Spears' publicity stunt, or was it "Team Britney's" stunt, with her being dragged along?

Perhaps I am underestimating Britney Spears and she is a canny manipulator who knows exactly what she is doing and relishes any kind of attention. But based on her complicated history, I wonder if maybe she'd be happier out of the spotlight, raising her kids, doing what she wants to do, and not feeling pressure to be outrageous on an awards show.

Summer of Angst: Family Theater: The Hill (March 1951)

OK, Deaners (is there a better term for James Dean fans? If so, don't tell me; let me have this one at least for now), we spent the previous two installments of the Summer of Angst series examining the first two clips on "The Lost Television Legacy of James Dean": a pair of Pepsi commercials. Enough of that frivolity. It's time to move on to an episode of "Family Theater" called "The Hill," and from the get-go you should know this series is a religious anthology.

The episode features a framing sequence of troops in the Korean War. Soon a chaplain arrives and tells the men something like, "Hey, you think this is rough, remember what happened to Jesus," and then tells them (and we see) the followers of Jesus between the Crucifixion and the Resurrection.

Naturally you might assume Dean is one of the troops, right?

 

 

Nope! We do see familiar faces like William Schallert and Roddy McDowall amongst the grunts, but the young Dean, in a bit of interesting casting, is the apostle John.

 

Dean gives an earnest, quiet performance, going for thoughtful and not showy. Yet he stands out for being so young and so...beardless.

Indeed, one of these apostles is not like the others...

Even noted character actor Gene Lockhart gets a big ol' beard as Matthew:

So not a lot of angst from our boy James Dean, but it's a tasteful production with loads of recognizable faces--folks like Joan Leslie, Regis Toomey, Leif Erickson, and Michael Ansara all make appearances.

But the big star, "Family Theater" reminds us, isn't any of these people, but...you know, the big guy. And I don't mean Father Patrick Payton...or do I?

After the "Theater" portion of our program, Payton comes along to remind everyone to get their rosary beads and pray. I don't wish to offend Catholics nor anyone out there, but the good Father is no Bishop Sheen, and yet this wrap-up seems to go on and on. Again, I realize that for him, it's kind of the point, but artistically, it felt like forever.

This example of low-key, somewhat staid religious-themed early television is worth a look, but it's not something I would watch again. However, as I said, Dean's so doggone sensitive that he does make an impression, and fans should definitely catch this one.

Summer of Angst: The (previous) Pepsi Generation Part 2

Last time out, we examined the first of two Pepsi ads in the excellent collection "The Lost Television Legacy of James Dean." Today we kick it up a notch, as Jimmy does more than just sit on a merry go round and smile (That sounds like a put-down on "Happy Days;" I can imagine Joanie telling Potsie to go sit on a merry go round and smile.)

This second spot has Dean at the jukebox:

I love the expression on his face, like he's Edison discovering the lightbulb. "Hey, this thing plays MUSIC!"

The problem is, it's only playing a little boring old piano tune until Dean smacks the piano, and then we get the full song about bounce to the ounce:

Ayyyyyyy!!!!!

Then it's dance time, but here's the thing: The gal behind the piano dances with 3 different guys (one of whom is said to be Hans Conreid by some wags on YouTube, though I don't buy it), none of whom is James Dean! As we will see, it took a while in his TV career before Dean got the girl. Here at least he gets the Pepsi.

Jimmy Dean with a little of the old HA-CHA-CHA!

Actually, now that I see this screenshot, I kind of understand why he didn't get the girl.

I think I'd rather have the girl, but Pepsi wants you to get the soda. In fact, the announcer urges you to buy it by the CARTON!

I assure you these first two posts in the Summer of Angst do not constitute an endorsement of Pepsi, nor of bouncing, nor fun. If Pepsi wants to send me a carton or two, though, I won't turn it down.

So far the Summer of Angst has been filled with...cheer? Fun? Most shocking of all...JOY? Yes, indeed, but fear not, folks. Our next installment will give us a chance, with apologies to the great Jermaine Jackson, to get serious!

Summer of Angst: The (previous) Pepsi Generation Part 1

Welcome to Cultureshark's Summer of Angst, in which we examine last year's DVD collection "The Lost Television Legacy of James Dean." Since we have a short selection this week, now would be a good time to note that we don't only get ol' J.D. on this set. No, we also get a heavy dose of...Marcus Winslow, who introduces each segment on the DVD.

Yeah, that's right, Marcus Winslow. You may remember him from--Well, you won't remember him, because he's not an actor (which will come as no surprise when you see the poor guy read the cue cards), but he is James Dean's cousin. At least, that's what the DVD says, and the DVD has the TCM name on it, and TCM wouldn't lie.

Winslow doesn't add a whole lot on this first disc. I keep waiting for him to offer something a little more personal than, "He had a bit part in this one," but still, his presence is a nice little link to the Dean legacy.

I had no idea the Dean legacy involved Pepsi Cola, but a pair of adverts kick off the proceedings. I have to say there is no way I would have spotted Our Man Dean had not the producers of this set slowed down the footage and highlighted him. I'm still not 100% convinced, but, again, you know, TCM, no lying, etc.

This portion of the set provides something we don't necessarily expect: James Dean having FUN. In fact, everyone in this first ad, shot December 1950, is having fun.

There's not a lot to this ad, but it has a peppy jingle, and there is something appealing about seeing all these happy youths having so much fun on a merry go round.

By the way, I really hope that Dean got so into his character that he yelled, "A merry go round! WHOOPEE!" before jumping on his horse. Not a "carousel," either--a merry go round.

If there's a theme to this spot apart from fun, it's bouncing. Note these lyrics:

"Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce
Go get Pepsi for the Pepsi bounce"

I'm not sure how much you want to be bouncing around while drinking all that soda, but, hey, these kids are young and carefree.



Pepsi--It's SWELL!

Winslow tells us that the very next day, Dean shot the second ad on this disc, and that this gig got him his SAG card. What he doesn't mention, but which I heard elsewhere, is that someone was so impressed by Dean on the first day, they asked him back for that second spot. You'll see next time that the actor got a lot more to do on that occasion, but I wonder what the heck they saw in his merry go round riding to make them ask him to return. He must have made some kind of an impression on that horsey!

Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" video: Is this the end?

OK, Swift is as popular as ever, and I can't get this song out of my head today. But have you seen the video? It's one of those "concept videos," and the concept appears to be Taylor Swift playing at being some future spy chick and inviting her celebrity pals to be in the clip with her.

It starts out kind of cool. There's action and ridiculous costumes, and Swift herself looks great. But it soon degenerates into a series of even faster edits and pointless cameos. I would have enjoyed 4 minutes of Taylor Swift kicking butt, but shots of Lena Dunham looking tough and smoking a stogie? Not so much.

Plus the nice catchy radio edit is abandoned for a "Bad Blood" mix with an extended rap part. What comes to mind is the word my kids use when they don't like what comes on the radio: "SKIP!" If this version were on the radio, I probably would skip it.

I don't intend to just rip this video, though I got off to a good start in those last two paragraphs. What worries me is the parallel I see with another pop superstar. Remember when Michael Jackson's "Thriller" established him as not just a pop superstar, bit an icon? His videos were eye-catching and entertaining and complemented his songs.

Then the "Bad" album came out, and suddenly Michael Jackson didn't just release videos. He made "premiere events." The videos had to be directed by Hollywood big shots and had to feature celebrities and musicians from different genres. The overhype was bad enough with, well, "Bad," but it really got out of hand with "Black or White." Lordy, remember the Macaulay Culkin part?

It only got worse with Eddie Murphy and Magic Johnson in "Remember the Time." I believe the music at this point was nowhere near as accomplished as it was on "Thriller," but I honestly can't guarantee I am not swayed by those lame bloated videos.

I'm not saying Lena Dunham is Macaulay Culkin (it would probably make a better blog post), but I see in "Bad Blood" some troubling signs. Taylor Swift is one of my favorite celebrities because my kids like her music, yet her songs don't make me want to jab my ears with knitting needles. She keeps her nose clean--at least as far as the public is concerned--and doesn't do anything that makes me embarrassed to watch her with my children. The "Bad Blood" video is *almost* embarrassing, and if she shows up in her next one with a pet chimp, I think I'm outta here.

Don't these guys have agents that can work this kind of thing out ahead of time?

I'm sure many of you saw the commercials for the new CBS fall TV drama "Hostages," starring Dylan McDermott. I'm also sure almost all of you then ignored the show, as I did. Well, it's some kind of thriller with political overtones, as Dylan tries to force Toni Collette to botch a surgery on the President...or something like that...while holding her family hostage. Yes, this somehow is taking place over an entire season and not a two-hour single movie.

OK, so "Hostages" is going along on CBS with Dylan McDermott. Got that? Dylan McDermott.

The other day, I was reading a preview of upcoming midseason series debuts, and I noticed an item about "Crisis" on NBC. The tagline is "How Far Would You Go to Protect the Ones You Love?" A rookie Secret Service agent is embroiled in a crisis (hence the title) when a group of kids, including the President's son, are kidnapped. In other words, it's a political thriller.

Get this: One of the stars--not THE Secret Service guy, but one of them--is none other than...Dermot Mulroney!

So it took America something like 15 years to be able to tell the two apart, and now Dylan McDermott and Dermot Mulroney are both starring in ongoing broadcast network political thrillers. In fact, I'm not even sure America HAS the hang of this yet. Did YOU just look them up? Come on, be honest.

How does this happen? The last thing these guys need is to be infringing on each other's territory in any way, shape, or form. While one has a series, the other should be focusing on movies, or doing a podcast, or making personalized wallets to sell on Etsy--anything besides starring in a series.

I don't understand how these guys don't sit down and work it out ahead of time, or at least call each other on the phone:

DYLAN: Hello?
DERMOT: Yeah, hey, Dermot, it's me. Dylan.
DYLAN: Wait, I'M Dylan. YOU'RE Dermot. Remember?
DERMOT: I am? Oh, no, wait, you're right. Anyway, my series just got picked up. SO...
DYLAN: Well, my series is already shooting. Remember I told you about that a few months ago?
DERMOT: You did? Well, I guess I forgot. It's just that this is such a great script and a real juicy part, so I think I'm gonna do it, anyway.
DYLAN: This is really gonna make our lives tougher, Dylan!
DERMOT: Dylan.
DYLAN: Yeah. What?
DERMOT: No, you called ME Dylan. I'm Dermot.
DYLAN: Whatever!

OK, so maybe their agents should be planning this kind of thing for them.

Mag Rack #2: Shocking Secrets of America's Favorite TV Shows of the '50s and '60s

Will you lose what little respect you had for me if I told you I bought this "Globe Collector's Issue" at the bookstore? Will it help if I told you I used a gift card?

Hey, I couldn't resist. It's classic TV, it's tabloid, it's glossy, and it has a picture of Ralph and Alice Kramden (along with many other icons of the medium) on the cover. I figured I'd gamble a virtual 6 bucks and take home the thin but spiffy-looking mag.

The 80-some pages go by quickly. Each show gets maybe a few pages at most, many a page or even half a page, and the photos are so big that you don't really get a lot of substance here. I know, I know, we're talking about a publication of that mass-market tabloid "The Globe." But still, while I'm not expecting a dissertation on each show's impact on popular culture by Professor Robert J. Thompson, it would be nice to get a little more content.

Those photos are purty, but I don't think there are a lot of new or rare shots here. Many entries are illustrated with the same publicity pics we've seen for decades. There are some nice extras, though. For example, while the "Honeymooners" section offers that same shot of the 4 Classic 39 cast members poking their heads through the windows of a Gotham bus, then the standard still of the 4 in the Kramdens' apartment (you'd know it if you saw it), it also features a rarer black-and-white pic of a Lost Episode segment with Pert  Kelton as Alice, plus a behind-the-pic glimpse of Art Carney rehearsing a "Twilight Zone" appearance. And of course, this being a tabloid pub, you get a few unflattering shots of stars as they looked years later or as they look today.

Let's talk about these scandals, though: Are they really Shocking and Secret? Much of the gossip in this mag is old news to anyone who has followed the tabloids for years or who has more than a surface knowledge of TV history. Yet there is something to be said for having all of it in one place. We get stories about alcoholism, behind-the-scenes squabbles, and affairs. Sometimes the writers have to strain to come up with anything remotely scandalous, as with "My Favorite Martian," which gets a short entry that basically says Ray Walston resented being known for the role. Big whoop, right?

There are some things here that surprise me, like Jane Kean saying in her recent memoir that Ed Sullivan raped her when she was 17. If I ever heard that one before, I blocked it out. Nor did I know or particularly want to that Edd Byrnes once had a threesome that involved Roger Moore. Aw, who am I kidding? I bought this thing, didn't I? I also didn't know that Clint Walker claimed to have seen a UFO. No, he didn't claim he had sex with an alien. Not everything in here is salacious.

Some of it just sad, really. Even though this publication is a slim time-passer, I sometimes wish it went a little deeper. For example, one of the big controversies for which I don't think we have a definitive answer is the saga of "Make Room for Daddy" and why star Danny Thomas canned first-season wife Jean Hagen and replaced her with Marjorie Lord. This mag mentions the change and Hagen's struggles in her personal life, but only says that she quit the show and was killed off. Gossip I've seen over the years indicates that Thomas went so far as to try to prevent Hagen episodes from being seen again, and I've also seen interesting speculation as to why he would do that. But "The Globe" doesn't address that at all.

The focus here is more on personal lives than on those kind of creative issues, and I'd love to see some of those kinds of mysteries explored somewhere. However, for 6 bucks, this is a pretty good summary of dirt from the Golden Age of Television, and while you get a lot of the usual suspects (George Reeves, Adam West and Burt Ward, Lucy and Desi), between the regular entries and a short catch-all section of paragraphs at the end, you also see info about Steve Allen, Lawrence Welk, "Wagon Train," and "Julia." So it's a pretty good cross-section of 50's and 60's TV. I'd buy another one of these things without shame. Well, not too much shame. I might not brag about it here, but I might well buy it, read it quickly, and enjoy it.

My mom buys "Us" Magazine so you don't have to

Well, you won't be seeing any "My wife reads People..." posts here anymore because while "People" continues to crank out its glossy infotainment each week, I no longer have a wife. Fortunately I have another female family member to throw under the bus (and, no, those posts aren't the reason I no longer have a wife--at least I don't think so). My wonderful mother was helping me get situated at the new Cultureshark Tower, and she got an "Us Magazine" at the store and left it for me to read.

After a few days, I succumbed and invested the 3 minutes necessary to read it. I won't even rant about the 40 pages of stars that are "just like us" juxtaposed with 40 more pages of red carpet photos that prove they're not. But one of those red carpet pages did irritate me. It's an inane collection of 3 paired photos, each  challenging us to decide "Who Wore It Best?" Here's the kicker: All these photos are of little kids, and most are toddlers.

We don't even have to think too hard deciding which preschooler wore Nico Nico or Stella McCartney better--probably good for us--because "US asked 100 people in NY's Rockefeller Center," and we see the results. Now, I hope these 100 people, assuming they, you know, exist, didn't actually consider the question. I'm picturing someone on their way to a hot dog cart (like my vivid depiction of life in Manhattan?) pointing at one of the pictures and shaking their head as they rush on to grab a quick bite.

At least these kids are celebrities--Matthew Broderick's girls (I assume), a Jolie-Pitt kid, David Beckham's son, two other little girls (sorry, never heard of them)--but still! Even if this feature is intended to be tongue in cheek, it's still presenting little kids in some kind of fashion competition. This ridiculous feature makes the next page of content, an look at Katie Couric's "Secret Love Life," look like a piece in "Foreign Affairs."

Let's just say that until I remarry, or until my mother returns for a visit, we won't be seeing many pieces about "People" and "Us" on this site.

Iconned myself again

I made another trip to the dollar store (have I mentioned I do this for fre--oh, yeah, I did, several times. Forget I wrote anything about it) and, impulsive dreamer I am, I gambled another buck on another pack of Panini Americana Heroes & Icons cards. If you need a refresher, click HERE for what I found in the first pack several weeks ago.

After opening another quintet of these cards, I hereby suggest another moniker for this series: Panini Presidents, Swimmers, and Astronauts. There just ain't a lot of variety in this assortment of "heroes and icons," and I suggest the good folks at Panini expand their definition of those terms next time out. I would love to see a fireman, Matter-Eater Lad, even a hero sandwich--anything except another Olympic swimmer (though my Summer Sanders exception still applies).

Now, I can't complain about the best card I got this time: Abraham Lincoln. You could argue a George Washington card would too it, but that would be like arguing about a Reggie Jackson or a Shooty Babitt. I mean, they're both awesome, right? And this Abe card is pretty cool, though the text on the back doesn't even give George Washington a place at the table:

To the overwhelming majority of historians there is no debating that Lincoln was our greatest president."

Whoa! That's pretty definitive, Panini. I hope you'd keep a more open mind when choosing between Reggie and Shooty.

After ol' Honest Abe, anything might seem a letdown. President William McKinley suffers a little bit from being in the same pack with one of the all-time greats. Hey, I just noticed two assassinated chief execs in one group of cards--that's a little odd.

Next up, it's swimmer time, and today's athlete is Rowdy Gaines. He seems a decent enough guy, and I always have love for those '84 Olympians in particular, but...eh, yeah.

Then we get to the requisite astronaut portion of our pack, and this time out it's Charles Duke and Dick Gordon. Again, much respect to our moonwalkers, but two of them? I would rather have had a little more variety WITHIN the pack, let alone among the two I've bought.

So I think I'm done with the Heroes & Icons cards. I'm only gonna be disappointed by the presidents, swimmers, and astronauts from here on out. At 20 cents a card, these are kind of cool, but I still think my money would be better spent looking for 1982 Shooty Babbits.

My pack of Americana Heroes & Legends cards

After the fun I had opening some 2013 baseball cards a few weeks back, I may have stretched my luck by trying it with the "Panini Americana Heroes & Legends" pack I got at the dollar store (Have I mentioned that I do this blog for free?). Sure, it was only a buck, but there were only 5 cards, and I didn't really get the equivalent of a Buster Posey. Here's what I DID get:

George H.W. Bush: OK, so the former Prez is a Big Deal, and he is clearly the most prestigious card I got. You can argue about whether he's more a hero or a legend (got to at least give him props for all those combat missions in WWII, I say), you can argue his politics and globoecomomic connections, you can argue what the hell he was up to on November 22, 1963 (that's a topic for another blog, and even mentioning it probably just marked me as both a conspiracy nut and a CIA front), but he IS an ex-president.

Unfortunately, he's Ex-President George H.W. Bush. I now know what it must have felt like to be a kid tearing open a pack of Topps in the sixties and seeing a Yankee card, only to discover it was Tom Tresh.

Sally Ride: Is it wrong that I can't look at this woman's name without singing "Mustang Sally"? Yes, it is, if for no other reason than I am a terrible singer of "Mustang Sally." (But you should hear me tear it up on "In the Midnight Hour!") She was the first woman in space, and that's pretty cool, but...I don't know, she's not even wearing a spacesuit on the card's photo. It looks like NASA went to the mall and got everybody's picture taken.

Gary Hall Jr.:This great American swimmer won 10 Olympic medals, according to the text on the card back, including 4 in Sydney in 2000.Ultimately, though, this is a dude in a swimsuit. No disrespect to this world-class athlete, but I would sure rather have had Summer Sanders.

Edgar Mitchell: Now, HERE's an astronaut with an actual spacesuit on! it's a grainy photo, but that somehow makes it cooler. It looks as if it was taken right after he was on the moon--or maybe WHILE he was on the moon (There's actual no portrait gallery on the moon, but there's probably a Sbarro's)! This shows you how nonchalant we are in this country about the space program these days, though: Instead of marveling at getting a trading card of an Apollo 14 astronaut, I actually kind of winced, thinking, "Aw, TWO astronauts in the same pack? Come on!"

Alex Morgan: I must admit I yawned when I saw the card of this women's soccer player. I assure you folks that I would have been just as bored if it were a men's soccer player.

Those are the 5 Heroes & Legends I received for my buck. Personally I think the George Washington I exchanged for the pack was the biggest icon in the bunch, and I wish there were more variety with less contemporary selections. I can't say I won't be tempted to try again, though, next time I'm at the dollar store.(Have I mentioned that I do this blog for free?)

Cultureshark Cares

Last week, a judge ruled in favor of Hulk Hogan in his continuing legal efforts to get Gawker and its properties to remove the sex tape footage it posted last year.

Gawker is defying the ruling so far, but this means if you have yet to see the Hulkster doing the wild thing, you ought to do it now in case the video is pulled.

Cultureshark Cares!

Vault of Coolness: Vintage Steve Martin, Author

I picked this up at a library used book sale for either 50 cents or a buck.

Remember when you used to be able to get cheap pocket-size paperbacks like this that weren't genre novels?

I haven't read this yet, but I like Steve Martin, and so I will. But more important at the time I bought this, I like the idea of it: A slim paperback with a cool photo cover that I could have found at K-Mart at an affordable price back in the day.

Has anyone read this?

Dream Theater (guest-starring John C. Reilly)

Time once again for "Dream Theater," in which I share an actual dream I had recently. Play psychoanalyst at home!

I apologize for not remembering more of this one. I was at some kind of college-type setting, at least something like a dorm with communal living, and John C. Reilly showed up as himself. He wasn't playing a role, but rather just hanging out.

I don't know what his purpose was, but I know what his actions were. He soon lay down on his belly with his legs kicked up behind him and started leafing through some kind of etiquette book, almost as if he were a bobbysoxer checking out Fabian pictures in a teen mag. For reasons known only to him and my deepest subconscious, he started rattling off questions like, "Hey, what wine would go well with that? What kind of meal would you serve in this case?" I think there were less specific queries in there as well, something about guest combinations.

Now, I stress here, John (After sharing a dream with him, I'm comfortable calling him that) wasn't being a jerk about it, but I don't think he was looking for info, either. I got the impression he was testing me in a playful sort of way.

Unfortunately, I didn't know anything, and I finally stopped him and said in a good-natured tone, "What's the deal? You come over here, and all you want to do is ask entertaining trivia. It's not even entertaining trivia, but trivia about entertaining." Not a bad line if I say so myself, or at least I was proud of it in the dream. John looked around and chuckled with a big smile on his face, as if to say, "Yeah, you got me." Then I woke up.

I don't know what any of this means, but I will say the whole episode somehow reinforced my belief that it would be really cool to hang out with John C. Reilly.

Vault of Coolness: John Amos

I have had this picture, a simple publicity shot I cut out of the newspaper, since 1994. I can tell by looking a the movie listings on the back. Imagine this choice when heading to the multiplex:

"What should we see, 'Threesome'" or "Schindler's List?"
 "Ah, it doesn't matter. Flip a coin."

This is from Norman Lear's ill-fated attempt at sort of a reverse "All in the Family," a series called "704 Hauser." The show didn't take, but the pic is great. Look how COOL the guy is in this shot.

Amos was great in "Roots," "Die Hard 2," and many other film and TV appearances, but of course I grew up thinking he ruled on "Good Times" as James Evans. I keep this clipping around as part of my informal Wall of Fame.

Vault of Coolness: The Plot to Smear Sophia Loren

Time to head back into the Vault of Coolness, my rather immodest name for my regular excursions into the Cultureshark archives for something interesting. Today let's go back to March 1962 and "Confidential" magazine, which rips the lid off...

THE PLOT TO SMEAR SOPHIA LOREN

Who needs Photoshop? "Confidential" was able to make these brilliant dupes 50 years ago by slapping Loren's head on stock photos like that "Hey, Marilyn's leaning over!"shot.

I hope the good citizens of 1962 appreciated the public service "Confidential" did. See, the magazine in no way exploited Sophia Loren by running these fake pictures. No, it did so--reluctantly, you can bet--for the greater good, as a warning to those of us who...uh, might come across stag footage of famous actresses and think it's real.

And it runs this mini-lesson on how to craft these fakes solely as a means to educate readers about this vile tactic. This information can in no way be used by anyone to make and peddle their own smut, and nor could the whole article encourage the fine, upstanding readers of "Confidential" to do so.

So from the ethically challenged year of 2013, I thank you, Walter Winchell, and especially "Confidential," for acting not just as a gossip rag, but as a Public Watchdog, ever vigilant in the fight against exploitation and prurience.

(My apologies for the scan, but I had to be delicate because the magazine is fragile. Also, I'm just an inept scanner.)