What's the matter with kids today?

They're afraid of being "old." apparently, and that fear manifests itself in a defensive preemption against anyone who dare accuse them of that on the basis of...[gasp]...liking something "old."

OK, so I shouldn't make broad generalizations based on several comments by staffers of "Entertainment Weekly." I really shouldn't. But hey, I can at least point out the comments and complain about them!

Look at the recent double issue with Cuba "Juice" Gooding on the cover and an Oscars Preview section inside. The page with the masthead features selected "staff picks" in response to "My favorite Best Picture Oscar winner is...Go!"

Current lead film critic Chris Nashawaty picks "Casablanca," and of course, this IS the correct answer. It should have ended the conversation, not started it, but it's good to see the guy prove his credentials.

Then Leah Greenblatt says, "I know I sound like an old lady with too much TCM, but: 'All About Eve'..." Since when does praising a consensus classic from the Golden Age of Hollywood render one "an old lady with too much TCM?" Is some millennial going to look at this and go, "Ewww...1950? Hey, lady, tell it to your cat. TCM isn't marvy anymore, dig?" (I really don't know how millennials talk when dissing people with too much TCM)

Come to think of it, what IS too much TCM? I, for one, don't get nearly enough TCM. I don't get it in HD, I don't get as much of it On Demand as I would like, and I am never around when it shows the stuff I really want to see. I envy these mythical ladies with "too much TCM." In fact...at the risk of sounding ungallant, how can you pick out these ladies? I'd like to meet them. Does their skin have a vaguely sepia-tinted pallor? Do their speech patterns resemble Bobby Osbo? Do they...kind of look like  Bobby Osbo? Because if they do, then actually count me out.  I think.

No, this is one of the oddest references to The Greatest Cable Channel Known to Mankind (I have to use it every so often to preserve the copyright) ever made. It's almost as strange as if someone were to, say, create a TCM Wine Club.

Oh, wait. Never mind.

Anyway, the next two staffers go with "Titanic" and "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King," selections which make me wonder if they need to siphon some TCM from their colleague Leah Greenblatt. Next up is someone who picks "The Best Years of Our Lives" from 1946 and starts her explanation with, "I am not that old."

She's not that old, folks! No worries here. Good thing she reassures us, though, because of course the natural assumption is that anyone who likes something old must themselves BE old. It's the Transitive Playground Theorem of Liking Stuff and People.

What's with all the defensiveness about loving old movies? In fairness, the way the magazine business is, not to mention "Entertainment Weekly's" apparent demographic preference, some of the staffers may well be terrified they will get the axe, "Logan's Run" style, if they out themselves as being over 29.

And yes, I know "Logan's Run" came out in 1976. Don't worry, though. I'm not that old.