The Wonderful World of TCM: Carol for Another Christmas (1964)

There is a reason I am not writing this until a week after Christmas, and it's not that I was too lazy the holiday week. And the one after that. Well, not only that.

I didn't want to sully the Xmas season with a dose of "Bah, humbug!" You see, somehow, Carol for Christmas, despite an all-star cast and pedigree, is not a great watch. Oh, it's worth seeing, of course, and all praise to our true Santa, Turner Classic Movies, for showing it, but once is enough for me.

This TV special aired December 28, 1964 on ABC and was part of a series of specials sponsored by Xerox promoting the United Nations. Wait, December 28? Hey, what a great time to air a reworking of A Christmas Carol, right--3 days after the holiday. Almost like writing a post about it two weeks--uh, never mind.

Produced and directed by Joseph Mankiewicz and written by Rod Serling, the special comes off like pure propaganda. I mean, I won't complain about, say, dramatizing the horrors of Hiroshima, but the screenplay shows off the didactic side of Serling. It goes out of its way to promote ingternational cooperation at the expense of storytelling, and I think the agenda-pushing would work much better in a 30-minute format than in this feature-length scenario.

Still, it's Serling, it's atmospheric, and it features an outstanding cast led by Sterling Hayden as the Scrooge (Daniel Grudge here). I could go on about the plot and other production details, but I found an interesting article on TCM that says it all, so just head there, and I will share some screencaps.

Among the standouts: Ben Gazarra, Steve Lawrence, Eva Marie Saint, Pat Hingle, Angry Mob, and Peter Sellers (himself fresh off a massive heart attack):

 

'Mooners Monday: Jackie Gleason's Honeymooners Christmas (1978) is on Prime Video

Before I prepare for my annual Christmas Eve screening of the Classic 39's 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, I want to write a few words about the 1978 hourlong special I saw for the first time this month. MPI released it on DVD years ago, but I hesitated to buy it because the price was a little steep for one episode...plus I'm cheap.

I also confess that I didn't know if I truly wanted to see the main cast (well, except poor Joyce Randolph, who is replaced as Trixie by Jane Kean) in 1978. The "Color Honeymooners" of the 1960s are enjoyable but a step down from the 1950s episodes, and even though it's my favorite show of all time...I don;t know, is seeing them as seniors something I want?

What a fool I was. The 1978 Xmas show is a delight, one of the better post-1950s episodes I've seen. There are a few "modern" references that seem a little self-conscious, but the script by longtome Gleason scribe Walter Stone with Robert Hilliards very funny. The story is worthy of being included in 'Mooners canon. And, yes, the actors are older and a little bigger (except Jackie Gleason, now practically smaller than Art Carney), but it's not painful to watch them. After all, they're seasoned pros who have the characters down. I can even get past Ralph's pencil mustache!

The best thing I can say about it is that it feels like The Honeymooners in a way that many of those color episodes with Sheila McRae as Alice did not. I think it goes beyond the casting, though; I like that it's a "fresh" story (how many times did they redo The Adoption).

This one premiered December 10, 1978. Ralph unveils yet another get-rich scheme, this time collecting as much money as he can get his mitts on and spending it on lottery tickets. It's hard to get a lot of info about this one. The Official Honeymooners Treasury covers only the Classic 39. Even The Honeymooners Lost Episodes by Donna McCrohan and Peter Crescenti has only a plot synopsis and airdate. It was written in 1986 before the 4 hourlong 1970s specials were in circulation, and so they are thrown into the "Still Lost" section.

This reminds me that one of the big things I have yet to see (and now really want to) is the previous year's Christmas special. In that one, Ralph stars in a Raccoon Lodge production of A Christmas Carol. It's in circulation--folks have seen it at the Paley Center and even on YouTube--but MPI never released it on DVD, nor is it on Prime Video, though it is out there in collector circles. So we have 3 of the 4, but not this one, which sounds like a regular riot. Hey, Santa, if you want to bring me a surprise tomorrow, how about a nice complete copy of the 1977 special?

TV Time Revisited: A "classic" holiday column from ClassicFlix

NOTE: For those of you looking for a nice long read on this holiday...well, this is long, at least. This is a piece I wrote for ClassicFlix in 2014. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas, everyone!

Even though the 'holiday shopping season' now begins right after Halloween, it flies by more quickly each year. I loved all the Christmas episodes and specials on television as a kid, but they somehow made the wait even more agonizing. Today it's all a blur, but at least with DVD I can slow down and get a dose of yuletide cheer whenever I need it.

Let's examine some of the best Christmas episodes of the classic television era, a simpler time when the medium focused more on telling entertaining, heartwarming stories than shoving us all into stores to buy stuff. Incidentally, did I mention that most of these programs are available here at ClassicFlix and make great stocking stuffers?

The Dick Van Dyke Show , 'Alan Brady Presents': It's no surprise that one of the classiest sitcoms of all time delivers a classy Christmas episode. I love the premise: Mel Cooley convinces his brother-in-law/boss Alan Brady that it would be nice holiday gifts to let the talented people who work on his show perform on it. We're not talking about shuffling them in front of a camera to hum 'Silent Night.' No, Alan hands the entire show over to his writers and their families.

Apparently the only people who work on the show are Rob, Buddy, Sally, and Mel, who just happen to be The Dick Van Dyke Show regulars, and the only family members talented enough to participate happen to be Rob's wife Laura and son Richie. Can't they find a key grip that can carry a tune? Doesn't the show have a costume designer, a lighting technician, ANYONE else who'd like to be on camera?

Other than poor Rich's rendition of 'The Little Drummer Boy,' (it's sweet, but maybe they should have just let him do that old standby, a 'dramatic reading' of ''Twas the Night Before Christmas'), all of the segments are great entertainment, showcasing the gang's talents while keeping them in character. Rose Marie's solo number as Sally includes a Jimmy Durante reference. Rob's duet with Laura (Mary Tyler Moore) includes a nod to Van Dyke's Stan Laurel impersonation. In another fun routine, Rob conducts a vocal rendition of a special holiday song lauding the boss. The only negative I can say about 'Alan Brady Presents' is that when you hear the cast sing 'Al-an Bra-a-dy,' it'll be in your head until St. Patrick's Day.

Adam-12, 'Log 122 Christmas -- The Yellow Dump Truck': We move from the mean streets of New Rochelle to sunny Los Angeles. If you think snow is a prerequisite for Christmas cheer, this might not seem like your thing, but I assure you there is plenty of joy to go around.

Officers Malloy and Reed are delivering bags of goodies to underprivileged households in the community. One child named Harvey Ward just has to have a yellow dump truck. So, of course, the policemen embark on a thrill-packed journey through the streets while tracking the coveted toy, pressuring informants, storming suspected contraband toy warehouses, and roughing up toy smugglers along the way!

Well, actually, no, Malloy just walks into a store and buys the truck, but there is some suspense when someone steals Mrs. Ward's car with the truck still in the back. Finding the criminal isn't the problem, but if the truck is considered evidence, it will be impounded until after Christmas Day. The struggle to free the toy for Harvey is a triumph over the department's true number one enemy: bureaucratic regulations.

Also in 'Log 122' is a domestic dispute between the Buehlers (Bob Hastings and Eunice Christopher) over money. Mr. Buehler urges Mrs. Buehler to be thrifty, but when she orders a chicken for holiday dinner, she discovers he already got 'one of those special hams you have to send away for--.00, .25 a pound!' Her husband fires back that they'll 'get 5 meals out of that ham!' She then reveals something that might well get him carted off to the slammer: 'He's been soaking a fruitcake in brandy since Thanksgiving!'

The officers diffuse the situation and help the couple rekindle their love, but I fear tensions will only resurface next week when Mr. Buehler splurges on Chinese takeout for New Year's Eve. As someone who has long been immune to the charms of turkey dinners, I appreciate the bold stance executive producer Jack Webb takes by allowing Adam-12 to suggest ham and chicken are legitimate alternatives.

Dr. Kildare, 'Season to Be Jolly': On Christmas Eve, the young doctors are hanging decorations in Blair General Hospital at the behest of the public relations department. They're singing, laughing, and generally being festive when chief of staff Dr. Gillespie comes in and barks, 'What is with all this hooliganism?' They're lucky they weren't doing something really delinquent, like marbles or mumblety-peg.

Soon after, a broken-down, alcoholic department store Santa (Dan O'Herlihy) arrives in bad shape and gives Kildare a series of sarcastic responses to routine questions. Gillespie sees this, and all of the sudden he's Mr. Merry, enjoying the give and take and chuckling at the provocation of his young intern. Moments like this must make Kildare wish he had signed up for law school.

Of course, even casual viewers of Dr. Kildare know that Gillespie's heart is not two sizes too small, and that's evident when the veteran doc explores the patient's background to try to understand him. The remarkable thing about 'Season to Be Jolly' from a modern perspective is 1961 television's acceptance of religion. There is a good deal of basic theological discussion as we learn how this Santa became so troubled. You don't see this kind of casual, unironic discussion of spirituality in today's shows. It's tastefully done, in my opinion, sincere and sort of broadly Christian. I can't imagine anybody being offended by the episode, unless it's a female viewer lamenting that the shirtless doctor in the opening scene is Ken Berry and not series star Richard Chamberlain.

The Christmas spirit is strong at Blair General, and a rousing version of 'Joy to the World' is sure to win over any would-be Scrooges by the end, but it's hardly necessary. The series' theme song, 'Three Stars Will Shine Tonight,' is itself a stirring piece of music. When you hear that during the credits as you watch stills from this touching episode, well, you may be 'wiping the glitter out of your eyes' like I was.

Dennis the Menace, 'The Christmas Horse': While Dr. Kildare shows us Christmas as we want it to be, we turn to another classic show to show us Christmas as it really is. Yes, consider the gritty reality of this second-season installment of the adventures of Dennis Mitchell.

 It begins with Dennis, after striking out with pleas for a BB gun and a loud siren, asking a department store Santa for the one thing he wants 'more than anything else in the world,' a horse. Dennis knows he's not talking to the real Santa. Mr. Wilson, we find out, is wearing the suit, and he's not very jolly at the thought of the Mitchell kid getting a horse. I have to wonder what kind of establishment would hire Mr. Wilson to play Santa. And why would a guy who is one step away from a straitjacket whenever his kid neighbor rings the doorbell take that gig? This store must have a pretty sweet employee discount.

On Christmas morning, Dennis and his friends engage in a pastime with which many parents are all too familiar: the ritual complaining about what Santa did and didn't bring them. Dennis got a record player, but no pony. Tommy got a microscope, but not an electric train (though his dad is sure having a blast with that microscope)!

Elsewhere, little Johnny Fleming DID receive a pony despite not asking for one. His dad explains that he does indeed want one. How does he know? Simple: HE always wanted one when HE was a kid! Mr. Fleming (Henry Beckman) can't understand why Johnny fears the animal. After all, when HE was a boy, he had to get a paper route just to get spending money, and his folks couldn't afford a horse.

Dennis naturally assumes that Santa brought Johnny the horse by mistake. After all, he messed up on Tommy's train set. Dennis trades his record player for Margaret's typewriter, and then trades the typewriter to Johnny for the pony. This clever episode reveals how different the perspectives of parents and their children are on Christmas presents, but it ends with a heartwarming resolution that makes everybody happy.

Mr. McGuire, who drives around town selling Christmas trees in a horse-driven cart, is retiring, and the 'deal' he makes to give Dennis his horse is a beautiful example of a grownup manipulating a child into getting--and appreciating--what he needs instead of what he wants. As McGuire, veteran character actor Ernest Truex makes this episode an all-time charmer. He just sounds like the holiday. Each time he opens his mouth, I hear sleigh bells ringing and I see Rockwellian visions of a bundled-up family singing Christmas carols on a brisk winter night. In fact, at the end the Mitchells and Wilsons perform 'Silent Night' in the cart, and even the blatant rear projection can't tarnish a truly heartwarming story.

Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends: The last arc of season 3 includes a Christmas episode of sorts with the original Bad Santa, or should I say Badenov Santa. Boris and Natasha (calling herself 'Alf Elf') pose as Santa and a helper in order to make lots and lots of money. It takes a long time to get to the funny sight of Boris Badenov in Santa Claus gear, so you might want to start the disc, bake some cookies, go out and spruce up the lights, and maybe finish up your shopping while you wait for the Christmas part.

If you stick around, you will see 'Aesop's Fables,' 'Sherman and Peabody,' 'Fractured Fairy Tales,' and countless interstitial bits in addition to an amusing story about, believe it or not, climate change. In this scenario, the North Pole accumulates so much ice that it tilts the Earth, making the tropical island of Riki-Tiki the new North Pole.

Since Rocky and Bullwinkle spending the better part of six episodes debating whether or not it's really getting warmer in Frostbite Falls would be pretty drab television, they set out to make it snow on Riki-Tiki and make the Earth tilt back to where it was. Hey, if you want verisimilitude, watch 'Sherman and Peabody.' If you want classic Rocky and Bullwinkle wordplay mixed with Badenov hijinks, plus an early example of 're-gifting' that ends the saga with a bang, you should see this storyline.

Father Knows Best, 'The Angel's Sweater': Patriarch Jim Anderson's sister Neva is in town for the holidays, and the kids aren't too thrilled about it. You see, Neva just isn't comfortable around children, and when an eager-to-please Kathy drops her suitcase, the overreaction confirms it. She snaps in a prim, mannered way, then quickly adds, 'No harm done. She just shouldn't have attempted it. No harm done.' Distraught, Kathy bolts to her room. Sure, it's overwrought, but we can still identify; who hasn't had an awkward holiday encounter with a relative?

Jim promises to calm everyone a 'big, fluffy Christmas egg nog.' I suspect his glass will have a little extra 'Christmas spirit.' Worse than the Neva-Kathy kerfuffle is the water leak that appears in the wall, forcing a desperate call to Mr. Fix-It, who delights Jim by making a house call on Christmas Eve.

The handyman sees the sulking Kathy and spins a yarn for her about a little girl in a snowy village looking for a special gift to provide as a church offering for the poor. Maybe I'm cynical, but I kept thinking, 'No wonder this guy's willing to come out on a holiday. He's going to charge Jim double time while he sits around and tells his daughter stories.'

His tale is a sweet one, and it may well be the series' gift to the cast. It lets them dress up and play the different characters of the village, with Elinor Donahue (Betty) as the angel who counsels little Katarina (Kathy, as played by Lauren Chapin). It must have been a nice break from the grind of the show for everyone to do something a little different. The villagers' formal speech patterns are a little stilted, but they're still more natural than Neva's earlier 'outburst.'

Kathy learns from the fable what the greatest Christmas gift is, and she shares it with a certain visitor in the house. No, it's not Mr. Fix-It, who demurs when Jim offers to pay him, then adds, 'I'll send you a bill.' I'll bet! You should have asked for a written estimate, Jim! Anyway, when the Andersons exchange a few presents on Christmas Eve, we get an emotional scene that makes me...Darn, there's that glitter in my eye again.

If this assortment doesn't fill you with cheer, there are countless other examples available. In previous columns, I have mentioned two of my favorite Christmas episodes, The Honeymooners 'Twas the Night Before Christmas,' and The Twilight Zone 'Night of the Meek.'. Another perennial classic is The Andy Griffith Show, 'A Christmas Story.' In fact, I could fill a whole nother column or two with classic holiday shows, but for now, let's save something for next year. After all, next year's Christmas season is just around the corner...

Screengrab Theatre Presents Countdown to Christmas: Yogi Bear's All-Star Comedy Christmas Caper

This is the 1982 Hanna Barbera special that Mark Evanier wrote in two days--literally two days--as he recounts in a great post right here.

My personal favorite part of this special is, without a doubt, the encounter Snagglepuss has with Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble. Snag is in "the big city" trying to find a little girl's parents, and Fred and Barn are sidewalk Santas because...why not? Snagglepuss even asks them if they aren't, oh, about 3 million years away from home. The boys' response--and the special's response--is to ignore it, continue with the scene, and not bring it up again. Works for me!

'Mooners Monday #37/Screengrab Theatre's Countdown to Christmas

From December 19, 1952, it's "Christmas Party," one of the Lost Episodes and a reworking of a previous version on Cavalcade of Stars in 1951. This early version of the "sketch" (seems odd to call anything that goes more than 40 minutes a sketch) is incomplete, so MPI had to use stills to represent the beginning. Once things get going, though, we get one of the best Lost Episodes, IMO, if only because it gives us a chance to see so many of Gleason's other characters, the ones I'd love to see in a Jackie Gleason Show boxed set someday:

First up is Fenwick Babbitt, first with a big keg of beer, then a huge block of ice. What a moax.

Next, guest star Patricia Morrison has Norton so enthralled with her singing that he doffs his hat:

The great Joe the Bartender arrives to let us know what's going on at the bar--even Fatso Fogerty and Gaylord Farquhard are there!

The Poor Soul is here, and he's an even bigger moax than Fenwick Babbitt. Ladies and gentlemen, start your PATHOS:

Underrated double act: Rudy the Repairman and his assistant Whitey:

He's not one of Gleason's characters, but...Frankie Avalon?

He dances, too. He's almost like a young Tony Danza!

Reggie Van Gleason is all class.

It's always a treat to see Gleason Player Frank Marth as a cop:

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Hazel: The Early Years: "Hazel's Christmas Shopping"

I know what you're thinking: "Rick, the intricate long-term storytelling of Hazel demands rigorous sequential viewing. How can you jump around like this?"

I understand this concern, but, yes, after jumping ahead in season 1 for the Thanksgiving episode, I am also breaking convention and looking "early" at the Christmas episode, "Hazel's Christmas Shopping." We will get to episode 2 soon and then hit the series in order.

All kidding aside, this holiday installment is another reminder that if you enjoy the sassy Hazel Burke character, this is a funny, well-produced sitcom. It's not groundbreaking--there are plenty of misunderstandings and hijinks moving the plot along--but it's executed professionally, and the cast is on point.

This episode begins with a humorous sequence that was meant to give a little Christmas cheer...but which today would be considered sexual harassment. Hazel hangs some mistletoe so Missy can "trap" George into giving her a kiss. At first I thought it was kind of sad that Dorothy was so dependent on this gimmick to get some affection from Mr. B, but his enthusiastic reaction proves it's all in fun.



Never let it be said that there is no chemistry between Don Defore and Whitney Blake

Then he kicks it up a notch, insisting HAZEL join him under the mistletoe for a smooch. She demurs, giggling and insisting she's just the maid, but, no, Mr B DEMANDS she submit to a big smackarooni. OK, this is all in fun, too, but it's a little odd.

Get ready for your Christmas bonus, Hazel

We then move into the story, with Hazel wrapping presents and telling her friend and fellow domestic engineer Rosie how she just has one more gift to get, a dresser set for Missy. It's convenient how Rosie shows up every time Hazel needs another adult with whom she can share relevant plot details.

Incidentally, I squirm a bit when Hazel elaborates on her theory of gift wrapping. She doesn't use the store's free service because the act is part of the present itself. It personalizes it and adds to the sentiment. Uh, to anyone who has received a gift from me...ever, I apologize for my efforts, but I hope you realize the random rips, patches of mismatched paper, and general excess of Scotch tape are part of my personal touch.

And, hey, wasn't it nice for stores to wrap everything as you bought it? These days, it's a moral victory just getting it stuffed into the right plastic bag without breaking something.

Dorothy also needs a present for Hazel, and the two are set to hit the department store, each with their own (non-devious) scheme to check out the other's reactions to items at the store and attempt to get inspiration. Of course this means when Hazel steers Dorothy over to gauge her feelings of the dresser set, Dorothy thinks that's what Hazel wants.



That's real mother of pearl, folks

There are additional complications because the store only has one left, and meanwhile a serial shoplifter is robbing the joint (Seriously, the guy takes so much stuff throughout the episode, I can only assume he is planning on opening his own store). Hazel is short on funds and has to take a job working a sales counter at the place, where her blunt nature (she tells a customer not to bother with the gift wrapping because the colors the store uses are awful) cause issues. Dan Tobin plays the store's persnickety floorwalker, and he does exactly what you want Dan Tobin to do in this kind of role.

My favorite part of the episode is when local mailman letter carrier Barney stops by and sees dollar signs because George is home. He proceeds to give one of the most unsubtle tip solicitations ever until Missy finally takes the "hint."

What cracks me up is that Hazel makes a few sly comments, clearly amused at Barney's efforts. Better yet, when George pulls some money out of his wallet, she goes, "Oh, no, Mr. B, that's too much." Then he tries again, and she nods and grunts approval.

Needless to say, it all works out nicely in the end, with everyone ending up happier than when the episode began (except maybe George, who is still hunting for women to lure under his mistletoe). Hazel doesn't exactly save Christmas, but she makes it better, proving once again there's nothing she can't do. Of course, she later put her talents to good use by marrying Santa Claus and restoring his yuletide mojo:

Brooks on Books: A Charlie Brown Christmas: The Making of a Tradition

This shall be a message unto you: The single greatest bit of pop culture related to the Christmas holiday is A Charlie Brown Christmas. As I have mentioned, I watch it each year on Christmas Eve, I enjoy it, I get something new or rediscover something in it each viewing.

This book, originally published in 2000, is a fitting tribute to the classic 1965 animated Peanuts special and a treasure for any fan. And hey, all you would-be Grinches  (I like that special, but I don't feel the need to see it every single year), let's not make any comments about the fact that a television program denouncing overcommercialization of the holidays has been merchandised to death over the years with toys, ornaments...and, yes, the "40th Anniversary Edition" of this book that I enjoyed.   Let's not mention it!

Producer Lee Mendelson recounts the origin of the special, and an interview with director Bill Melendez adds additional insight. You also get remembrances of Peanuts creator Charles M. Schulz and composer Vince Guaraldi. This is not a huge amount of text--it's more a few lengthy essays than anything else--but you get a comprehensive picture of the creation of the show, with info on the sponsors' involvement, the voice casting, the original reaction and reviews, and more.

The book also contains the original sheet music of the "Linus and Lucy" theme. Rounding out the package is the "complete illustrated script" of the special, with shots of the cartoon accompanying the text. This volume is further supplemented with ephemera and production artwork.

I really can't imagine anyone who likes A Charlie Brown Christmas not enjoying The Making of a Tradition. Then again, I really can't imagine anyone not liking A Charlie Brown Christmas. So by that logic, this book is a winner for everyone! Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!

Tis the season

I don't know about you guys, but to me it just doesn't feel like Christmas until I see a sketch with Andy Griffith as a bartender consoling Paul Lynde, who is doing his "despondent Santa" shtick.

Merry Christmas Again!

At the risk of stealing the thunder of the Internet's foremost Doris Day Show chronicler, good buddy and Friend of the Site Ivan at Thrilling Days of Yesteryear, I want to say Merry Christmas again. I mean, really, should we be that quick to discard the holiday so soon and move on? I say let it linger a bit. But it's not just ME wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. No, it's Doris herself. Look at her. She's talking right to us!

And let me tell you, folks, if a major star has Rose Marie, Denver Pyle, Paul Smith, and McLean Stevenson (not to mention, uh, two kids and a dog) at her pad, yet she still takes the time to wish YOU season's greetings, you should be flattered!

That sneaky Alice! (Happy Christmas Eve)

I watched the Brady Bunch's Christmas episode, "The Voice of Christmas" for the first time in years recently. I actually screened it with the kids, and seeing it with them really made this corny, ol' show come to life again for me. They loved it.

One thing about this episode bothers me, though. Alice is trying to hide a gift, and she is snooping around in Mike and Carol's bedroom for a spot to stash a sizable package. First she opens a closet:

Then she opens another closet. The Bradys sure had plenty of closet space (please hold your Robert Reed jokes).

Next she tries under the bed, because no one ever looks there for a gift, right?

Groovy wrapping paper, right? Problem is she bumps into something, which makes her realize her spot isn't as original as she thought:

So Alice gives up, and as you can tell by the look on her face, she is disgusted because she actually has to...

Put the gift IN HER OWN ROOM!

Seriously, Alice has her own quarters, an area in which no one else, with the obvious exception of Sam the Butcher ever enters. She has the perfect place to store a present. Yet she goes peeping around the Bradys' master bedroom. What exactly is Alice hiding under HER bed, hmm?

Here's hoping your presents are safe and sound tonight!

Instant Gratification Theater: Christmas options on streaming video

You might have your stack of Christmas DVDs next to the tube already, all arranged for holiday week viewing, but if you're looking for some lesser-known streaming video options this year, I recommend the following:

Hulu Plus: This service irritated me by yanking season 1 of "Kojak," but thankfully it retained season 3, which features the Christmas episode "How Cruel the Frost, How Bright the Stars." Is that title poetic or pretentious or both? YOU make the call, but make sure you go ahead and click on the episode because it's a doozy.

I will avoid spoiling all the surprises in this one, but let me tell you to look for no fewer than 3 cameos by future 1980s TV icons. Look for Theo Kojak's wistful memories of the New York City in which he grew up, contrasted to what it had become (remember, this is 1975), and a classic exclamation he shouts to no one in particular at the end of the episode that alone justifies a month's fee of Hulu Plus.

Along the way, Kojak helps some hookers with a heart of gold, does a good deal of crimestopping (and a lot--I mean, this is no deskbound cop, to be sure, but as I told my pal when touting this episode, they don't call the show "Crocker") and spreads some holiday cheer at the office party by graciously accepting, even embracing, a gag gift. Kojak is the man, and this episode deserves place in anyone's classic TV Christmas festival.

Also on Hulu is something billed as "Bing Crosby: White Christmas Show." This is a USO production from 1956 aimed at servicemen and packed--just packed, I tells ya--with stars. Best of all, it wins me over immediately by having all the celebs introduce themselves at the beginning like they're All-Americans coming out on a Bob Hope special. Some of them play it straight, but some do a little bit of business, with even Der Bingle doing a little "cough take" with his pipe as he says his name.

The rest of the 90-some minutes features comedy bits, songs, and awkward interstitial segments with the likes of Dick Powell , Gregory Peck, and Kim Novak introducing acts in a kind of quasi-rap as a jazzy beat plays. Some of it is beautiful, some of it is great, and some of it is quite dated--I'm always wary of "comic monologues" from long ago, but you have to see Dick Shawn's rock and roller parody--but all of it is entertaining. Although most of the content is not explicitly connected to Christmas, it is a great piece of holiday cheer for the whole family or even for just the enthusiast of classic Hollywood and TV. You'll see Jack Benny, Jimmy Stewart, Danny Kaye, Lena Horne, Louis Armstrong, a monologue from Hope himself, and much, much more.

YouTube: I'm not going to link to it because I have a paranoid fear that linking to anything on YouTube makes it more likely someone will force it down, but most if not all Dr. Katz episodes are available, including Season 1, episode 10, "Office Management." This one has routines by Ray Romano and Carol Leifer and, more germane to this post, the good doctor attempting to throw an "office party" and engage receptionist Laura in the fun. The results, of course, are hilarious.

Classic TV Christmas Festival: Meet Corliss Archer

Before getting back into the Festival, let me remind everyone of the CBS Christmas Eve lineup we get in primetime tonight: "CSI," followed by "CSI: New York," and concluding with "Blue Bloods." Just the kind of programming to enjoy with the whole family as you whip up some egg nog and trim the tree while waiting for Santa.

We're continuing our own Classic Christmas TV Fest with a look at something much more wholesome, an example of the primitive family sitcoms of early television, "Meet Corliss Archer." This is a show that is easy to find if you're looking for cheap old stuff online (I remember a previous incarnation of FamilyNet was even showing it weekly a few years ago), but I don't think it's very well known these days, though Old-Time Radio fans surely remember the original version of the program.

This series is a great example of what life was like back in the 1950s, or at least what life was like ON TV, and isn't that more important? Back then, married couples (and they were always married) didn't rush back to the boudoir and cook up their 2.5 kids, but rather they waited until they were well into their relationship and their careers--well, HIS career, anyway--and they were good and beaten down by life.

So instead of young whippersnappers raising kids, you had good, steady middle-aged people, if not downright oldsters, dealing with their well-meaning but humorous offspring. Take plucky teenager Corliss Archer. Her parents, played with typical fifties parental amiable condescension by Mary Brian and John Edlredge, look like pleasant enough people...who were BORN middle aged and stayed that way. Same thing with their friends, the Franklins, parents of Dexter, who serves as love interest of Corliss and foil for Mr. Archer.

There's nothing particularly memorable about any of the episodes I've seen, and this Christmas episode is itself rather unremarkable. One thing I kind of like about the series is the gimmick of using as transitions cartoonish gag illustrations while the narrator comments on the action with an amiable chuckle. This installment offers several of those to spice up its simple plot, a story that reflects the basic 1950s-ness of this program.

Mr. Archer has hidden the girls' presents someplace they'll never find them, and it's a good thing, too, because girls can't resist snooping, don't 'cha know? So while the womenfolk are trying to figure out what and where their gifts are, Father gets some quality comedy time with Dexter, who is making his own presents in Mr. Archer's tool shed/workshop. And the biggest tool in the shed is obviously Dexter himself. The guy means well, of course, but he's such a destructive boob in this episode that you figure the women better get those presents soon because Mr. Archer is gonna spend the holidays behind bars after being implicated in a tragic belt sander incident.

I won't dare give away the ending to this pleasantly generic half-hour, but suffice to say it culminates with a classic sitcom twist that makes no sense at all. Archer's hiding place meets Dexter's desire to help in a way that is even more contrived than you would hope an old comedy would be. It's just like the 1950s: Everybody means well, nothing much exciting happens, but you leave it more or less happy. The only thing that could have improved this episode? If Mr. Archer had hidden the presents inside a fallout shelter in the backyard.

Classic TV Christmas Festival: The HUB brings the Garry Marshall

It's easy to forget about the rebranded Discovery Kids channel, now the HUB; though it offers a smattering of relative oldies in the nighttime hours, it's still essentially a family/kids channel with a ton of children's cartoons. But while I haven't been watching many of the classic reruns it does offer, I think it's good to have an outlet for shows like "Family Ties" and "The Wonder Years," and I appreciate the effort. This week, the HUB is running some Christmas episodes, and I put together a Garry Marshall double feature of sorts on my DVR with yuletide-themed installments of "Happy Days" and "Laverne and Shirley."

Let me thank this network for the unusual but welcome programming decision it implemented for its overnight airing of "Happy Days" the other night. About halfway through the episode, the picture got a little funky, and the audio fell out of sync. At first, I found this irritating enough to turn me into a Scrooge, but I soon realized the genius of this: The HUB was cablecasting in Festive Drunk-o-vision, attempting to simulate for the viewer the sensation of being agreeably inebriated after downing a few spiked egg nogs. Well done, folks!

The episode itself is one of the more heartwarming of its time, "Guess Who's Coming to Christmas" from the second season. Richie and Mr. C. realize that Fonzie's big talk about visiting his cousins is just bluster because of his pride, and that he in fact will be alone on Christmas Eve. So the Cunninghams talk Howard into giving up his dream of an old-fashioned holiday with just the family, and they invite the Fonz to celebrate them.

Looking at this one again from a modern perspective, it's interesting to see some of the vestiges of the early, single-camera days of the series: Fonz mock-threatening the guys, Fonz still being an outsider, and of course most notably, a Chuck sighting. It's clear from this episode that the Fonz ain't a hood, and there will be no turning back from the babyfacing of the character.

"Happy Days" really went off the rails eventually, but this episode is a great example of the quieter, nostalgic aura the show cultivated at first. It's sentimental without being pandering, and it's a genuine, heartfelt piece of Christmas cheer. Even if you're watching it in Festive Drunk-o-vision.

I'm not gonna spend a lot of time talking about "Laverne and Shirley," as I've never been a fan, but I can't resist "Let's put on a show" episodes of classic sitcoms. Somehow, the whole gang winds up putting on a revue at a mental hospital overseen by Howard Hesseman. It's corny, contrived, and cliched, but aren't most of these kinds of vanity episodes that let the cast "show their talent"? The only thing missing was the cast breaking character at the end to directly wish the audience a Merry Christmas.

While watching this, I started wondering what sitcom today would be best suited to do this kind of show, and it hit me: NBC's "Community." They just did a great holiday episode, but for next year, I think the creative team should work on something that pays homage to/mocks this kind of sitcom staple. I'll bet it would offer the same blend of stupid and smart that has made other "Community" episodes memorable. Dan Harmon, make it happen, please!

Classic TV Christmas Festival: Captain Gallant

We conclude this year's abbreviated (but still precious) Classic TV Christmas Festival with a letter from Billy, who writes:

Sometimes I get so mad at my parents that I want to run off and join the French Foreign Legion. I wish there were a classic TV Christmas episode that'd show me what I can look forward to.

Billy, you're in luck because there IS such an episode; furthermore, the French Foreign Legion is not an organization with a strong emphasis on grammar and therefore will not reject you for ending a sentence with a preposition.

The episode of which I speak is an installment of "Captain Gallant of the Foreign Legion." In this holiday story, the cap'n's son Cuffy is sitting around bitching--excuse me, Billy, complaining--about how much of a bummer Christmas is gonna be out in the African desert. Adding to the holiday cheer is the fact that Cuffy is played by a lad named Cullen, the real-life son of series star Buster Crabbe.

Feeling depressed, Cuffy does the logical thing and heads off into the desert to find Christmas or something like that. He couldn't have just done a good deed for someone, fixed some sand nog, and put on an Andy Williams record? No, the little guy goes wandering, not realizing the trip to Bethlehem is a little beyond his capabilities.

Here's the GOOD news, Billy: It turns out life in the French Foreign Legion, Cuffy's restlessness notwithstanding, is pretty swell for a young feller. When Captain Gallant's sidekick Fuzzy tells the Legionnaires what happened to Cuffy, they're all playing cards or music in the barracks. They are not at all smelly, sulking ex-convicts--at least not to my eye--and when they learn that their mascot has run away, they leap to action to track him down. I would have expected a bunch of grizzled Legion men to either laugh, bark "Who cares?" or have already sold the kid to some sleazy child slavery ring. But, no, they rush to their horses to find the young guy. Granted, it may just be because life in the FFL camp really IS as damned boring as Cuffy thinks, but I give them credit, anyway.

So, Billy, the Legion is clearly full of good sorts, decent folk who take care of each other and look out for their young. It's a family atmosphere, and while I don't condone running away from home, if a certain young Cultureshark reader DID abandon his folks and try to join, I'm certain he'd be welcomed with open arms, and not at all in a creepy "these guys haven't seen a broad in months and probably are mostly sex offenders, anyway" manner.

Oh, yeah, in this episode, they go look for Cuffy, and they all share a warm Christmasy feeling at the end. I won't reveal all the details, Billy, because your parents might want to buy the Mill Creek Holiday TV Classics set for you so you can learn about the French Foreign Legion yourself. If they are willing to do that, maybe you should give them another chance, Billy. If not, life in the desert isn't all that bad for a young'un such as yourself.

Classic TV Christmas Festival: Love That Bob

Today we have a letter from 6-year-old Becky, who writes:

I liked your story about Betty White who reminded the boy of his grandma. But what about grandpas? I love my grandfather, too, and I'd like to read about a Christmas show with a grandpa.

Becky, I returned to the fabled Cultureshark Archives to extract a vintage episode just for you. Vintage means "old," or, if you're a DVD manufacturer, "not marketable." Fortunately, we do have an installment of "Love That Bob" on disc, one called "Grandpa's Christmas Visit."

Now, I have several beefs with this episode. For one thing, the Grandpa episodes are rather tiresome. Bob Cummings gets to play a "rare dual role" by putting on some makeup and affecting an old-timer voice. Grandpa Bob (or Josh, actually) is not some doddering old man, but someone with more energy, get-up-and-go, and old-fashioned SPUNK than any of the young'uns around him. That's pretty much the joke, and it's played out whenever Grandpa shows up or whenever pretty much any grandparent shows up on a sitcom, especially when he's played by a regular cast member.

Worse, though, is the utter lack of Christmasness in this particular episode. Grandpa happens to be visiting at Christmastime, but that's about it. So don't pop in this one expecting anything other than good old-fashioned antics of old people who don't act their age.

So, Becky, I'm sorry I can't say more about this "Love That Bob," but I'm not so sure Bob Cummings would remind you of your grandfather, anyway, unless he also likes to steal young models away from prior commitments, commandeer a car, and vanish for a "date" after promising to show them a good time.

Classic TV Christmas Festival RETURNS! A Date with the Angels

This year, I'm trying something a little different with the Classic TV Christmas Fest. I'm responding to the KIDS, the little folk that make our country's future so bright. It is for them I am continuing the tradition, and each post will be a show I watch and discuss by request from a little tyke.

Today's letter is from Timmy, who writes:

Dear Cultureshark,
I love Betty White. She reminds me of my grandma, especially in that movie when she says the F-word. Could you watch a Christmas episode with her?

Timmy, I got one word for you: YOUBETCHA!

In the opening moments of "A Date with the Angels," I see Burt Mustin, and his presence alone almost assures me that this sitcom will be better than "Life with Elizabeth." Mustin guests as...a really old guy!

What, you expected him to be Miss America? Mustin is a kindly old sort who likes to be useful, so Betty White helps get him a job in the toy section of a department store, and he becomes Santa Claus. Well, he becomes A Santa Claus.

"Date with the Angels" is a rather bland sitcom, but this episode has its moments due to the great roster of guest stars. And really, aren't the holidays all about guests, anyway? In addition to Mr. Mustin, this installment brings us Nancy Kulp as a clerk, and she does a little bit of Nancy Kulpness, without the Hathaway-sized stick in her posterior. The stick is reserved for the posterior of old favorite Richard Deacon, himself no stranger to sticks in his--you know, I honestly meant that as a comment about the characters he played, but I'm just gonna end that comment right here.

The Deac plays Mustin's son, and he's all concerned about Dad being out doing good for the world when he could be, you know, home cooking him dinner and stuff. I hope it's not spoiling too much to mention that Deacon gets a dose of Christmas cheer at the end, as does the manager of the toy department.

In fact, said manager is so infused with Da Spirit that he basically eats the losses himself after finding out why Santa Burt is so popular--he's giving away the store's toys to the kiddies. Well, yeah, in a certain sense, that makes him the best department store Santa ever. It subjects him to serious criminal charges if he doesn't make good, but, hey, 'tis the season, so it all works out.

Mustin feels good, Kulp feels good, Deacon feels good, Betty White feels good, and hey, did I mention old pro and game show host extraordinaire Tom Kennedy is the show's announcer and pitchman? I tell you, little Timmy, it makes ME feel good to see all those familiar faces in one little ol' episode of "Date with the Angels." So while you may not see enough of Betty White to remind you of your grandma, you will see enough to give you Da Spirit.

(I was gonna give thanks to the awesome Mill Creek "Holiday TV Classics" DVD set for including this episode, but I just found out that the equally awesome blog Classic Television Showbiz posted the episode this past weekend. Watch and enjoy!)

Classic TV Christmas Festival Part 7: Good Times

OK, "Good Times" may not be some people's idea of a "classic," but like "What's Happening!!" it was a big part of my misspent youth. Watching it now, I have to recalibrate myself to take its brand of comedy. It's one of those shows where every single character at almost every single entrance has to deliver the same type of sassy remark. It's funny if you can take it in stride, but grating in large doses...and a lot less tolerable once John Amos left.

The show had several Christmas-themed episodes, but recently I watched "Sometimes There's No Bottom in the Bottle."

Now, what the show wants you to focus on is the Evans family cousin Naomi's drinking problem. The 16-year-old is sequestering herself in the bathroom and hitting the liquor early and often, and it takes a long time for anyone besides Thelma to notice what's going on, and even she kind of stumbles on it.

You expect this to be a Very Special Episode, but there isn't much time for Very Special Messages, what with the ongoing Christmas season celebrations in the household. So while Naomi's unintentionally hilarious drunk scenes are amusing, this episode stands out today for 3 reasons:

1) Thelma sure is a fox in those old "Good Times" episodes, isn't she?

2) As the adults in the house (Yes, I guess I can call Wilona an adult) set a good example by celebrating James' Christmas bonus with a round of booze, they discover someone's replaced the good stuff with water. What's great about this scene is that while an irritated James wonders who would do such a thing, Florida is more concerned with something else: "Who put a glass back in the cupboard without washing it?" she asks, astonished. Oh, it may be cause for concern that one of the kids is sneaking alcohol, but first things first--who isn't busing their dishes?

3) Naomi's domination of the single bathroom in the apartment forces a frantic Michael to wait outside when he really "has to go." This scene gives the great Ralph Carter a chance to display his genius for physical comedy.

OK, I admit I'm only including that last item because I want to see what the Ralph Carter statement looks like in print.

Classic TV Christmas Festival Part 6: The Flintstones and Buffalo Bill

You might think these two shows couldn't be more dissimilar, but think again. Here are just a few of the ties that bind "The Flintstones" with "Buffalo Bill."

*They're both half-hour shows.
*They're both comedies.
*Each had a Christmas episode that is now available on DVD.
*Each had a Christmas episode that was padded and insubstantial enough to the point where I can't justify a distinct blog entry for either.

I'm not complaining about "Bill's" "Have Yourself a Very Degrading Episode," because I'm just thankful the series made it to DVD. It's not a bad installment per se. It's just not as sharp as the series is overall, and I wonder if it's one of those "Just had to do a Christmas show" deals, something contrived just to fit the season. The storyline revolves on a Big Reveal that was surely funnier and more shocking back then, and even Dabney Coleman's reactions (and his subsequent squirming in the final scene as he tries to deflect the situation) aren't enough to make this anything more than a disappointing Christmas episode when seen out of the series context.

"A Flintstones Christmas" doesn't quite have the same psychosexual angst, but it is also stretched a bit thin. There's a nice story in which Fred becomes a department store Santa (incidentally, "Macyrock"=not one of the series' more clever brand name substitutions) but winds up getting some help in his own house from the REAL St. Nick. I enjoyed this one as a kid, and I loved Fred's rendition of his "Merry Christmas is my favorite time of year" song.

Looking at it for the first time in years, though (I actually watched it on Boomerang, not on DVD), I'm disappointed at how padded it feels. Considering the show only had this one Xmas episode during its original run, you'd think they could have packed this one with yuletide fun without resorting to Fred singing not one, not twice, but 3 different times. It's an enjoyable way to get in the holiday spirit, though, and maybe I'm being a bit grouchy.

That's about all I have to say about "The Flintstones" and "Buffalo Bill," but perhaps I'll make an extended thesis comparing the two shows my big priority in 2009.

Classic TV Christmas Festival Part 5: The Dick Van Dyke Show

"The Alan Brady Show Presents" is one of those "DVD" episodes that basically lets the cast put on a little mini-revue. This time, of course, it's a Christmas theme, with the setup being that Brady thought the holiday presents a perfect opportunity for the writers and their families to put on a show for the viewers.

Somehow I doubt that would happen today. Can you imagine Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer taking a week off from "Two and a Half Men" so that the head writer and his wife could do a soft-shoe routine?

It's a fun episode, but what really interests me is the performance of Richie Petrie, who gets a prime solo spotlight to sing "The Little Drummer Boy." I think it's a fairly common sentiment among "DVD" fans that Larry Mathews, AKA Rich, is not the most, uh, sophisticated actor on the show. I can't help but wonder what dialogue led to his role in this episode. Just picture a couple show bigwigs brainstorming, whether it be Carl Reiner, credited episode scribes Sam Denoff and/or Bill Persky, or whoever.

"Hey, are we gonna give Richie something to do in this one?"
"Well, we said writers and their families, so maybe we should."
"Yeah, it's Christmas, and the kid should be there."
"Well, we can't give Larry too much to do, you know, because--"
"I know, I know. But he's a cute kid, and people eat up cute kids around Christmastime."
"We could give him a song."
"A song? Can he sing?"
"I don't know, but how hard can it be?"
"Oh, yeah, sure, no pressure there. Why don't we make him go out and do it all by himself, too, without Dick or Mary?"
"Yeah, great idea. Why don't we give him a real solemn number, too, so all the attention is on him the whole time."
"Yeah, and we'll make it one that exposes him if he CAN'T sing--like Little Drummer Boy?"
"Perfect."
[brief pause]
"HA HA HA!"
"Yeah, right."
"Ok, seriously, guys, what can we put in that slot?"

Only they got stuck for time and had to go with that idea after all. Could this be what happened?

Hey, I don't mean to bag on the child actor, and his musical number is a little rough, but it's sweet. It's a nice, quiet several minutes in a fun but sometimes wacky episode, and I'm glad it's there.

But I do wonder if poor Larry Mathews was cool with it.

Classic TV Christmas Festival Part 4: Have Gun Will Travel

You might not see Paladin and think, "Hey, now THERE'S an ideal earthly personification of the Christmas spirit," but in the first-season episode "The Hanging Cross," the man in black succeeds in giving a community a big ol' heaping dose of yuletide warmth.

It's Christmastime, and a rancher played by Ed Binns has taken a boy from a local Indian tribe, a boy he claims is the son he saw abducted years ago. He had hired Paladin to find the lad, but now that he thinks he found him, he tries to stiff the gunslinger. While Paladin is quickly learning what a jerk this rancher is, word comes that the Shoshone are on their way back to get the kid, and then it's clear our man could be useful as a translator.

At this point, Paladin says, "I normally translate for free, but since you're such an major league a-hole, I'm charging you what you originally agreed to get me, bee-yotch." Well, that's the gist of it, at least.

What follows is a story of tension between the forces of revenge and anger on one side and negotiation and goodwill on the other. The conflict isn't just between Native Americans and the ranch community, but within the groups as well. Jolly old Paladin provides eloquent reminders of the meaning of Christmas as he tries to convince Binns and the ranchers not to attack the Shoshone.

But forget this story, though it's a good one; and forget the supporting cast, though it's a treat to see old hand Don Beddoe as Binns' beleaguered foreman and Johnny Crawford (later the Rifleman's son) as the boy whose heritage is in question. No, what I really want to see is something this episode doesn't provide: A Christmas throwdown for the ages, the ultimate holiday standoff to end all holiday standoffs.

I'm talking, of course, about a potential duel between Richard Boone's mustache and Ed Binns' eyebrows.

Oh, sure, there are verbal jousts throughout this episode, but what I really want to see is the clash of the facial hair. From Fa La La La La to Follicle Fury, it would be a drag-out spectacle to rival anything in the history of TV Westerns.

I'm still making my way through my "HGWT" sets and am far from a knowledgable source of the series' history, but I'd wager Boone's kick-ass 'stache is rarely threatened in the 6-year run. It's authoritative yet alluring, simple yet stylish. Quick draw or not, many a battle was surely won before it started by the sheer intimidating power of this deceptively thin vittle duster.

Binns' set of eyebrows, in this episode put him on perhaps an equal footing. This bushy pair give his grumpy old rancher instant credibility as a Grinch figure. In fact, it's not hard to picture him sneaking down a chimney, grabbing all the presents, food, and decorations in sight, and stuffing them into those brows before slithering back up from whence he came.

"The Hanging Cross" is not only on the Season 1 DVD sets, it's available all over the place at legitimate Internet video sites like Fancast. See it for yourself and stage your own mental Hair vs. Hair grudge match.