The great Marvin Kaplan as I've never seen him before

How bizarre to watch the Warner Archive release of obscure single-season sitcom "Hank" and see Marvin Kaplan as a hired detective posing as a college student to root out unregistered attendees like the titular character.

It's especially odd when you notice he's wearing a cap with the number "69" on it for no apparent reason:

I mean, really? Was this someone's idea of a little "college humor"? I'm surprised there's not a scene with Kaplan calling the dean's office and asking for "Mike Hunt."

Here he is, Joe College:

Vault of Coolness: The good old days: When an unknown adult male and a young boy could bond over guns

Ah, the innocent 1950s--a simpler time when if a fella wanted to escape a roomful of pesky girls at a birthday party, he could wander through the house into a den and find a sympathetic adult male.

In "Leave It to Beaver" episode "Party Invitation," the Beav does just this, meeting the birthday girl's dad. Played by Lyle Talbot, this friendly figure offers him refuge away from the gals in his den.

And here's a great thing about that era: It was always a den, not a man cave. The man of the house didn't have to make a big show out of building a separate room for himself or taking over the garage and stuffing it with pinball machines and flat-screen TVs. No, each suburban house had a DEN, it was understood that the man would retire there after dinner, and he would pack it with cigars, animal heads, maybe a pennant from his alma mater...and guns!

Just look how Beaver and this man bond over a shared fascination of (possibly loaded) weapons!

"I think about this one when Mr. Campbell asks me to redo my quarterly report."

"Now, now, son. That's not a good idea.. You might get your jacket dirty."



"Now, Beaver, these are dangerous, which is I why I always keep them in this unlocked cabinet."

"I think of this one every time Myrna complains about my lodge meetings." 

 

I don't even think Ward has such a tender moment with the Beaver in this episode.

"Maybe Myrna and I could try one more time for a son."

File this in the Scenes You Would Never See Today folder.

Vault of Coolness: Hey, look who it is on CHiPs!

Every now and then, CHiPs does something wacky, and it often involves some kind of sport or outdoor activity. For example, what the hey, why not have an almost random skydiving scene in the middle of an episode?

Yes, somewhere in this shot are people with parachutes. Yet none of these 3 jumpers is Ponch. Jon is supposed to be part of this, using Ponch's skydiving lessons he can't use while he's recoevring from a serious accident, but, no, Officer Baker is on the ground watching in civilian mode.

The jumpers get together afterwards with Jon to shoot the breeze, and look who shows up:

Whoa! It's Michelle Pfeiffer looking impossibly gorgeous in classic late 1970s.early 1980s fashion. Here's the thing, though: This is her only scene, and then she's gone. Can you imagine seeing this when you're editing the episode and thinking, "Eh, that's plenty of her. Let's finish cutting the third freeway chase"?

Vault of Coolness: CHIPS tackled the issues of the day

Gas lines were terrible, but look at the price! You think we'll get that low by the end of the year...without the shortages? If we get under a buck, maybe I'll act like a high roller and spring for the "Super Regular."

Vault of Coolness: Not just ESPN, but SPORTS, period, was different back then

From the Wednesday, January 5, 1983 L.A. edition of "TV Guide":

6:00 pm  (9)  NBA BASKETBALL

The Los Angeles Lakers at the Philadelphia 76ers, aired on a 90-minute tape delay. (2 hrs., 30 min.)

The Lakers are the home team. The Lakers rule at this time. And as good as they are, the Sixers are even better. In fact, these two teams went on to play in the Finals several months later, with Philly sweeping. The point is this a marquee match-up...and Channel 9 isn't showing it live.

Granted, 4:30pm is an awkward time to start a sporting event for those like me in the Eastern time zone, but it's not like that doesn't happen all the time out in Cali. Maybe Channel 9 had something important on at 4:30, like another live event or maybe even another sports contest?

Well, there is some basketball going on, like Dwayne dribbling that ball over the credits in...

4:30 (9) WHAT'S HAPPENING

And then there's some more basketball, only of the fictional variety:

5:00 (9) WHITE SHADOW

I understand why non-fans think sports has a disproportionate impact on television, but, jeez, I don't want to go back to 1983, when an NBA Finals preview airs in a home market on a 90-minute tape delay.

Vault of Coolness: ESPN was a lot different in 1984

I'm looking through a January 1983 edition of the esteemed "Guide," and one good thing about the L.A. edition is it includes some cable listings. This is what ESPN showed at 10:30am:

TENNIS The final of the Hartford (Conn.) Open, taped  Dec.19.

December 19! I have nothing against tennis being on instead of the inane debate shows in the morning, but ESPN ran a two-week-old match in broad daylight. I think ESPN still shows football game reruns the same week as the original, but, man!

That's not even the worst of it, though, because directly preceding this at 9:30 was...

FIGURE SKATING The Ennia Cup competition taped Nov. 9-14 in the Netherlands.

November 9-14! ESPN aired an almost two-month-old event in that slot. How long before Denise Austin and Kiana Tom would provide something a little fresher?

Vault of Coolness: Journey Into Old TV Guides

Due to a recent ARCHIVE FIND, I have a decent stack of vintage "TV Guide" issues I'll be using for Vault of Coolness material.  If I can get my scanner working again, I'll post some of the ads and artwork, but for now let's look at some of the program descriptions.

From Monday, January 22, 1979, at 9:30 PM, here's what the Guide says about "The Honeymooners":

A misadventure strains Ralph and Norton's friendship.

That's it? Really, "TV  Guide?" Are you not supposed to guide us through the process of deciding what to watch on a given evening? At 9:30 PM, you have described virtually every episode of "The Honeymooners" ever made.

I thought maybe this was just a generic placeholder description to account for the fact that the mag didn't have episodic details, but the rest of the week, same time, same channel, we get specifics that better explain what the show is about.

A misadventure strains Ralph and Norton's friendship," just ain't cutting it. Fortunately, at 10:00 PM, we get more info regarding "Sanford and Son":

Fred steals money from Lamont for a get-rich-quick venture.

OK, that actually might describe more than one episode, but at least it's something.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

EDIT: I apologize for not noticing that comics.org wouldn't let me link to its image. Bah, humbug!

Vault of Coolness: As promised...

Sit back and enjoy Woody Allen boxing a kangaroo. These screencaps are taken from Timeless Media's "Europe Big Top Circus Stars Live from the Hippodrome" Disc 2, and remember you can read about this and other variety  shows on DVD in my latest ClassicFlix article.

Who do you got? Woody looks surprisingly game here, but don't discount the athletic superiority of the kangaroo.

Vault of Coolness: Sport Magazine from 1974 (part 1)

Vault of Coolness is back with a look at the cover of this fascinating circa 1974 issue of Sport. I offer it to you as something to tide you over till I get to This Week in DVD and Instant Watching--it's gonna be a busy week, and that'll likely be the only other post--and also because another ARCTIC BLAST of cold air is coming in this week, and I'm already looking forward to warmer times.

So let's look to spring, a time when you can go out and play tennis...a time when love is in bloom...

Vault of Coolness: Marvel Fun and Games Part 3

Another look at Marvel Fun and Games #1:

I just wish one of those TVs showed, say, Joe Franklin.

Vault of Coolness: Marvel Fun and Games Part 2

Here's another fun page from Fun and Games #1:

What a wonderfully random assortment of characters! One thing I love about this comic (you know there are many, many more than just one thing) is that it doesn't showcase only the big guns at the expense of other characters in the Marvel Universe. That makes it even more FUN!

Vault of Coolness: Marvel Fun and Games

It's a cliche to ask, "Remember when comics were fun?" But...well...sure, there are tons of fun comics books being made these days, but there is something to be said for the era when you could go to the drugstore and pick up something like this:

Here's just one of the fun things you got in this issue: A SECRET CODE!

Vault of Coolness: The Wondrous Wizard of Id

You gotta love those old pocket-size paperbacks. Remember when comic strip reprints came not in deluxe hardback archival editions, but little softcovers like this?

And here's the back:

Vault of Coolness: Vintage Steve Martin, Author

I picked this up at a library used book sale for either 50 cents or a buck.

Remember when you used to be able to get cheap pocket-size paperbacks like this that weren't genre novels?

I haven't read this yet, but I like Steve Martin, and so I will. But more important at the time I bought this, I like the idea of it: A slim paperback with a cool photo cover that I could have found at K-Mart at an affordable price back in the day.

Has anyone read this?

Vault of Coolness: John Amos

I have had this picture, a simple publicity shot I cut out of the newspaper, since 1994. I can tell by looking a the movie listings on the back. Imagine this choice when heading to the multiplex:

"What should we see, 'Threesome'" or "Schindler's List?"
 "Ah, it doesn't matter. Flip a coin."

This is from Norman Lear's ill-fated attempt at sort of a reverse "All in the Family," a series called "704 Hauser." The show didn't take, but the pic is great. Look how COOL the guy is in this shot.

Amos was great in "Roots," "Die Hard 2," and many other film and TV appearances, but of course I grew up thinking he ruled on "Good Times" as James Evans. I keep this clipping around as part of my informal Wall of Fame.

Vault of Coolness: The Plot to Smear Sophia Loren

Time to head back into the Vault of Coolness, my rather immodest name for my regular excursions into the Cultureshark archives for something interesting. Today let's go back to March 1962 and "Confidential" magazine, which rips the lid off...

THE PLOT TO SMEAR SOPHIA LOREN

Who needs Photoshop? "Confidential" was able to make these brilliant dupes 50 years ago by slapping Loren's head on stock photos like that "Hey, Marilyn's leaning over!"shot.

I hope the good citizens of 1962 appreciated the public service "Confidential" did. See, the magazine in no way exploited Sophia Loren by running these fake pictures. No, it did so--reluctantly, you can bet--for the greater good, as a warning to those of us who...uh, might come across stag footage of famous actresses and think it's real.

And it runs this mini-lesson on how to craft these fakes solely as a means to educate readers about this vile tactic. This information can in no way be used by anyone to make and peddle their own smut, and nor could the whole article encourage the fine, upstanding readers of "Confidential" to do so.

So from the ethically challenged year of 2013, I thank you, Walter Winchell, and especially "Confidential," for acting not just as a gossip rag, but as a Public Watchdog, ever vigilant in the fight against exploitation and prurience.

(My apologies for the scan, but I had to be delicate because the magazine is fragile. Also, I'm just an inept scanner.)

Vault of Coolness: You call that a "Wrestling Album"?

I'm STILL disappointed to see this ad and realize it's promoting a book of photographs and not a record album:


Of course we know that Greg Valentine went on to become one half of the music/wrestling combo Rhythm and Blues with the Honky Tonk Man, but what I wouldn't give to own a vintage recording of The Hammer's rendition of "Something." And who wouldn't enjoy Wildfire Tommy Rich's southern-fried take on Michael Murphey's "Wildfire?"

Vault of Coolness: Cowboy Freddy Mac

How's this for a cool picture of our boy Freddie Mac? I like how he has some tough guy Western duds and is pointing a gun at someone off camera (somehow I doubt it's Edward G. Robinson), yet he signs the pic, "Cordially."

I assume this is a publicity shot (no pun intended, but I'll take credit if you like it) for one of the many oaters in which Fred starred, and though the pic has a little bit of whimsy to it, I assume it's an "adult" western.

I mean adult as opposed to juvenile, of course, but isn't it funny to think of Fred as Steve Douglas, trying to explain to Chip and Ernie the difference between, say, "Rawhide" and "The Cisco Kid"?

"Gee, Dad, I thought an adult show was like that stag thing that Robbie tried to sneak into last month."
"Well, er, Chip, er, yes, but, uh, er, that was, er, a different kind of adult show."
"I don't understand."
"Uh, Ernie, let me try to, er, explain. You see, uh, an adult western is, uh--"

At this point, Uncle Charley, who by virtue of his Merchant Marines service saw things that would make Steve's eyeballs curl, might try to jump in, much to Steve's chagrin.

"Uh, that'll be enough, Uncle Charley."
"What? I was just thinking about a film loop I saw on Pago Pago--"
"Uh, that'll be enough, Uncle Charley."

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, cool picture, huh?

Vault of Coolness: I'll trade you two Poison cards for one of these

I don't remember much about this old Pro Set series of music cards, but I know I need to find more of my old ones after digging up this one:

And here's a look at the back:


I don't know what it says about me that while I don't even like Ratt, I was as excited to find this card in a box of old cards as I was to rediscover my George Brett and Robin Yount rookie cards.