First Impulse: What the networks are doing this fall: CBS

CBS is kind of like the network of shows I might watch if I had more time, shows like "The Good Wife" and "Blue Blood" and--well, that's it, I think, but that's something. As for the rest of it, I made an informal arrangement a while back. CBS doesn't bother me, and I don't bother it. So while I remain puzzled that shows like "NCIS" can be so heavily watched when I myself don't know anyone who watches them, eh, live and let live, right?

The only CBS show I watched weekly, or at all, really, this year was "How I Met Your Mother," whose creators promised a big bounceback year and then delivered an uneven season filled with disappointments and some weak storylines. I'll watch in the flal, too, though, especially since it's a "me and the wife" program.

The returning stuff looks like what it always looks like. The new stuff kind of looks like what the returning stuff always looks like, too. I don't see any remakes on the horizon. What, no "Streets of San Francisco" reboot? I'll check out "2 Broke Girls" because it's on after "HIMYM" and because it stars Kat Dennings, but nothing else looks exciting.

I am intrigued by CBS' bold decision to put new scripted programming on Saturday nights. Unfortunately, it's only one half-hour show, and it's "Rules of Engagement." Besides inspiring speculation about whether new shows can work on Saturdays, it will quash the annual moment a month or two into the TV season when we all slap our heads and go, "Midseason shows, hmm...Wait, 'Rules of Engagement' is coming back?"

I wish something WOULD work on Saturdays. In this age of DVRs, social lives or not, there is no excuse for the networks to bail on an entire day of the week when scheduling. Well, except for the fact that they can barely program the other 6 with quality.

There's one show conspicuous by its absence in this post, and it undoubtedly will be the most discussed series on the network when it comes back in the fall. But I was never into it, anyway, and I don't feel like digging into its whole saga now, so...

First Impulse: What the networks are doing this fall: ABC

ABC. Ah, what to say about ABC?

No, seriously, what should I say about ABC? I don't have a heck of a strong reaction to any aspect of the new fall schedule. This past year, I watched "Modern Family" and "Desperate Housewives." I thought the former was a lot better than I saw it getting credit for in some circles this year, and the latter is just a show my wife and I watch together out of habit.

Otherwise, there are some solid shows on ABC I wouldn't mind sitting through. "Mr. Sunshine" showed potential but was canned; "Happy Endings" showed potential and was renewed. The procedurals like "Castle" and "Body of Proof" don't grab me, but I don't have anything against them.

Really the only significant way in which ABC scheduling impacts me is in the shows Mrs. Shark watches. "Dancing with the Stars" usually is on when I'm doing special assignments or secret missions or whatever it is I do when I'm not dashing off blog posts, but every now and then I do have to see a little of it because the wife does check it out now and then.

No, the big thing is Thursday night because after "Community," usually delayed somewhat for me after taking care of the kids and whatnot (our whatnot is doing quite well, thank you), I make way to the office, to another room, or at least to an easy chair where I can bury my nose in a book, because the Shonda Rhimes Night of Chick Drama is gonna be on my TV set, and I ain't gonna be a participant in even passive viewing of "Grey's Anatomy" and "Private Practice."

And the hype has already begun for "Charlie's Angels" at 8:00 P.M. on Thursdays, and I have to say this seems a little forced. I was never a big fan of the original, never a fan of the movies, and now I'm supposed to like this why? Because Minka Kelly is in it? Well, OK, but why else?

So really, ABC's new fall schedule means little to me. "Grey's" and "Practice" are still on Thursdays at 9:00 P.M. and 10:00 P.M. The routine continues. I'm fine with it, she's fine with it, and we'll meet back up for "Desperate Houswives."

First Impulse: What the networks are doing this fall: NBC

I used to be an NBC partisan. It sounds silly now to be a partisan for any broadcast network--I can understand the passion of the multitudes of rabid Soundtrack Channel (god love them, I just noticed their official website is a Wordpress blog) fans that are out there--but I just felt NBC was tops for sports, entertainment, and even news. Growing up, I just liked the look of NBC, and maybe it was something as simple as the signal strength of my local affiliate, but I did favor the Peacock.

Now, though, I'm almost inclined to think if a show is good enough for NBC, it must be crap. There have been a few things that resonated with me in recent years, most notably "Community" and maybe the first seasons of "Friday Night Lights," "Chuck," and "Heroes," but other than that, NBC to me has meant football and a bunch of critically overrated comedies and weak dramas. So to me, once I learned "Community" was getting a third season pickup, the rest of the fall schedule held no suspense for me, nor any particular interest.

Then I actually SAW the 2011 fall schedule, and what stood out was this is a struggling network that will devote 4 hours of precious primetime space each week to "The Sing-Off" and "The Biggest Loser." I get that reality is cheap and NBC needs all the eyeballs it can get from returning shows, but, man, 4 hours? Weren't we supposed to get all sorts of quality dramas again as soon as "The Jay Leno Show" got the big boot?

I think a telling aspect of NBC's slate of new shows is that several weeks after the announcement, the most buzzed about program is still the one that didn't make it: "Wonder Woman." Maybe "Grimm" or "The Playboy Club" will get some attention, though in the case of the latter, it'll likely be from the misguided notion that A) there will be nudity and B) it will be as good as "Mad Men," and people will tune in, find quick disappointment, and tune back out.

For me, the strategy in dealing with NBC is simple: Watch NFL (if there is NFL this season), watch "Community," hope something else comes along.

First Impulse: What the networks are doing this fall: FOX

I remember when I used to be a big fan of Fox programming. "The Simpsons," "Married with Children"...The network promoted itself as an edgy alternative, and it really was! It was so edgy and alternative that I sat through shows that weren't either of those things, like "Duet," and didn't hold it against anybody. Now that I think about it, this outfit also brought us off-Showtime versions of "It's Garry Shandling's Show" and "Get a Life." Man, it's no wonder I used to love Fox.

Years later, after enduring hours of annoying sports coverage and witnessing the "American Idol" and Seth MacFarlane takeover, plus the slow decline of "The Simpsons," I don't really watch a lot on that network. When I do, it gets retooled and ruined--see "The Human Target"--or just plain canned--see "The Chicago Code." So while don't see a lot of "Arrested Developments" on the announced fall schedule, I don't see "Chicago Code," either, and that kind of angers me. So I don't have a lot of enthusiasm for this lineup.

The biggest deals are "X-Factor," a talent show deal from Simon Cowell, and "Terra Nova." If I never got into "Idol," why would I get into "Factor," and as for Steven Spielberg's "Nova," yeah, it's being hyped already, but I can't quell my own irrational suspicion that it's never going to actually air. I also have a more rational suspicion that even if it does, it'll stink.

"Raising Hope"? Pass. "House"? Pass. "Glee"? Throw a 50-yard bomb into the Atlantic Ocean and don't give it a life preserver.

There are a few new sitcoms, too, but I'm at the point now where I almost don't want to give comedies on Fox a shot. I mean, all the half-hour shows they've tried in recent years, some of them promising, and "Raising Hope" is the one that sticks? So even though one of them has Cutty from "The Wire," I'm not too eager to try the new comedies.

So, Fox, good luck and all, but your hits are aging, and it's been a long time since you really enthused me. And by the way, I still think you're not a true network until you try to program the 10:00 hour.

First Impulse: What the networks are doing this fall: The CW

For the next week or so, I'm going to share some quick initial reactions to the news coming out of last week's upfront presentations, when TV networks shared their plans for the fall. What shows are coming back? What news shows can we expect? I don't intend to provide any kind of comprehensive report on that. Instead, here are some things that stand out for me.

I start this series with the CW, and the reason I start with the CW is because I can fill post space with my introductory spiel and not have to fill it talking about the "almost a real network" network. I don't take the CW seriously, not being a teenage girl, but if you do, hey, no offense. I just don't watch any of its shows regularly and haven't done so for years. And though I am indeed a boy, I'm not a fanboy, at least not of the "Buffy" variety, so the presence of a new Sarah Michelle Gellar show ("Ringer") does not interest me.

Among returning shows, well, apparently everything is returning. What does it take to get rid of some of these stalwarts? "One Tree Hill" will surpass "Gunsmoke" and "Law and Order" as the longest-running primetime network TV show this year, while "Supernatural," of course, has already broken the record for longest-running show about brothers investigating stuff, beating "The Hardy Boys" and "Simon and Simon."

There's a new show coming called "H8R," in which celebrities are paired with and try to win over civilian detractors. What a terrible idea. The only way I'd watch this is if the celebrities totally acted like jerks and tried to show up the "regular folks" using the advantages of their fame and wealth. And of course, I hate this show already just because of the title. I see enough license plates on my commute to work without seeing them in the TV listings, too.