Emails that don't really help me at all

We all get on a bunch of mailing lists--at least those of us too lazy to uncheck those boxes do--and some of what we get is useful, but some of it...not so much.

Last week I got a message from a certain major toy retailer titled "10 Ways to Make Your Spring Awesome." Surprise, surprise, all 10 involve buying really expensive things.

Awesome can be achieved by obtaining "Outdoor Essentials" such as swing sets, play houses, trampolines, bouncers, and pools. I don't doubt that those items do in fact contribute to the overall levels of awesome in one's spring, and I concede there are one or two items that don't require a co-signer (The link to "outdoor activities" shows some relatively basic sporting equipment), but I don't know how much awesome I can afford right now.

Can't blowing bubbles be awesome? How about bouncing a superball? Isn't jumping rope an awesome way to have a little springtime fun?

Later, a certain airline sent me one of its periodic "Hey, thanks for being in our club, but why don't you actually go fly somewhere?" emails. The title: "50% off your Bahamas vacay!"

Look, I haven't expressed any kind of interest in going to the Bahamas...until right now. That sounds pretty good! But I don't think I can drop everything and head to the Bahamas. At least, I can't book it for one of two windows by March 17.

And even if I could, I certainly wouldn't go there on a vacay.

Thanks for nothing, Wal-Mart

That's right, last week I spoke to Hulu, and now this week it's time to address Wal-Mart. Cultureshark: Taking on the world ONE CORPORATION AT A TIME, MAN!

I heard about a DVD bargain at Wally World and went to their site to check it out. I wasn't tempted to buy it because it was already sold out. No harm, no foul. I went back to my daily Internet regimen of studying lyrics to old Toto songs.

A few days later, I got an email from Wal-Mart touting that same item. Hmm, I thought, it's back in stock. Well, yeah, it was, and I suppose that was helpful info...except that the price was...

[STOPS TO DO MATH]

The price was about 250% higher than the bargain price, a sale price which was the only thing that made me look at the item in the first place.

No thanks, Wal-Mart. No thanks.

Ready for the Big Game?

Personally I think the NFL made a big mistake by playing the Super Bowl after the Pro Bowl. How can the nation get back up for football after the spectacle of some of the game's best players, complemented by a slew of good ones replacing the ones that couldn't bother to be there, kind of trying to win?

I endorsed Denver several weeks ago, and I continue to root for Peyton Manning, but if the digits of the score happen to fall a certain way and I happen to win a few books in an office pool, I could tolerate a victory by either side.

I am amazed at the expansion of the halftime filler to include the Kitten Bowl and the Fish Bowl alongside the ever-popular Puppy Bowl. Me, I'm grateful for anything that gives me an excuse not to watch Bruno Mars, but my own plan is to fire up an episode of "Jackpot Bowling" with Milton Berle. In other words, yep, you guessed it, it'll be the Bowl Bowl.

As long as the wings are good, though, it should be an enjoyable evening. Have fun tonight, folks, and don't get any concussions.

Don't think of it as self-promotion...(ClassicFlix)

Think of it as a public service to you, because after you skim my latest piece, you can dig in and look at all the great columns and reviews available, not to mention the tons of DVDs available.

This is my way of telling you my latest ClassicFlix review, a look at a Soupy Sales collection,is now available on the site. Remember, tell 'em Cultureshark sent you...

http://www.classicflix.com/beta/Soupy-Sales-In-Living-Black-and-White-r-849.html

Featured Reviews

Soupy Sales - In Living Black and White
By Rick Brooks

I'm not sure you can really "get" Soupy Sales if you didn't grow up watching him, but I think you can certainly appreciate him. The very notion of a local kids' TV show host, let alone one who runs a ship as loose as this, seems outlandish in today's era of homogenized children's programming. Sure, there are children's cartoons that aim to appeal to grown-ups with a sly reference here and there, but as cheap-looking as modern animation can be, nothing outside of public access is as ramshackle as The Soupy Sales Show. You know what, though? To me, that crude "What the hey?" kind of attitude is the whole charm of it.

Not a lot of vintage Soupy Sales material is (read more)

All right, I think I need a DVR again

For a variety of reasons, I have been without DVR at Cultureshark Tower for quite some time now, and the void has really changed my TV habits. For one thing, I don't do my daily scans of the schedule of the Greatest Cable Channel Known to Mankind--that's TCM to you--because I don't want to torture myself by seeing the movies I won't be able to sit down and watch as they air.

But just a while ago a friend alerted me to the fact that it is Wally Beery Day on Turner Classic, and I was stunned. How could I have missed this? How could I have gone about my day doing errands, shopping, eating--basically, living and dumb stuff like that--when an entire day of Berry was unfolding without me?

I just looked at the CONcast program guide (Does anyone know if it's standard for non-DVR customers to only receive a day or two of listings at a time? For that matter is it standard if you DO have a DVR? Because if so, I ain't ever getting a DVR from them), and fortunately I have seen all the flicks that are on tonight. But I am afraid to go to the TCM website and see what already screened. If I missed something cool, I'll be heartbroken...even if I really did have important things to do today and probably couldn't have seen it, anyway.

This is no way to live life. Maybe I need to figure out a way to get a DVR again.

My Classic Flix column debuts this week

Last week I told you about my first review appearing over at Classic Flix; this week my monthly TV Time column debuts with a look at "Beat the Clock." I'm having a lot of fun writing about classic television over there, and I hope you'll check it out. I want to thank my buddy and Friend of the Site Ivan for inviting me to be part of the revamped website. He has assembled a fantastic roster of contributors (once you get past that guy doing the classic TV column) who are producing some really entertaining content.

And while I'm certainly not impartial, and, yes, I am compensated for my writing (but not for saying this), while you're looking at the articles and reviews, I suggest you explore the commercial part of the website. Not only can you buy lots of classics on DVD, you can rent them by mail. Let me tell you, if you were dismayed several years ago when Netflix started de-emphasizing vintage material, then tried to dump mail order rentals altogether, you really want to take a look at ClassicFlix. If there's any other way to rent all those Warner Archive and other MOD catalog titles, I don't know of it. There are a variety of membership plans available, and you can get a whole month of service for the price of less than one of those MOD discs. The selection is amazing, and the service is excellent.

If you're already a Classic Flix member and that led you here...uh, I really hope this isn't the first post you saw. Trust me, I do a lot more than just hype my Classic Flix articles. Stick around, and I'll try to post something interesting soon. I'm here 365 days a year. I don't POST 365 days a year--what am I, crazy?--but I'm here.

ClassicFlix: Check out more of my writing on classic TV and movies...

I will have more to say about this in the near future, but I'm proud to be a contributor to the revamped ClassicFlix website. This company sells and rents DVDs of classic movies and TV shows, and I am writing a regular column (appearing soon) and reviews for the website. My first piece, a look at Abbott and Costello in "It Ain't Hay," is today's featured review:

http://classicflix.com/beta/It-Aint-Hay-Sit-Back-and-Enjoy-r-808.html

There are more articles and reviews popping up all the time, so if you have any interest in what I do here, particularly my coverage of the classics, please check it out!

Why I feel less and plugged in than ever

On one hand, I rarely watch TV live anymore, and I feel increasingly disconnected from what's going on in TV Land (television in general, I mean; I'm pretty sure TV Land the network continues to stink). I picked up a month-old issue of "Entertainment Weekly" last week and saw a review that told me FX's "Wilfred" was back on.

Dang! I like that show and would very much like to see new episodes. But this magazine was a month old.

Well, I went to my cable company's On Demand section, and, voila, the first several episodes of season 3 were available for viewing. So am I more connected than ever? Less? The same but in different ways? Or am I just a fool for enjoying "Wilfred" so much?

I'm back...back in a (undisclosed location of Cultureshark Tower) groove...I'm back...

The new and improved Cultureshark Tower is up and running, I am monitoring the world of pop culture as promised, and of course the Federales are surely monitoring me. Look for an actual post on Monday, and before too long I hope to resume my standard post rate of 10 or so per day. Er, well, it was more like daily.

OK, at least I did a few posts a week, and I'll try to stick to that. Fair warning, though, that I still have a lot of things going on. Fortunately, though, I am now finding some time to actually consume the pop culture we all love and occasionally mock, and, hey, I might as well try to write about it, right?

In the meantime, I leave you this Father's Day weekend with this: I went to a new place for a haircut today, asked for something akin to a crew cut, and, well, when I used the phrase almost like the military, I didn't expect to get the Private Pyle from "Full Metal Jacket." It's never a good sign when the woman who cuts your hair tells you as you're paying--and I swear I am not fabricating this for effect--"It'll grow back."

I suddenly have the urge to watch some "Kojak" episodes...

We thank you for your patience...

I realize this blog has been a desolate place recently; even the crickets and tumbleweeds got tired of waiting around. I promise actual content will resume shortly, though.

As for where I've been, hey, why are you getting into my business? When I'm ready to tell you--oh, wait, nobody asked me where I've been. Sorry about that.

I am in the process of finalizing a divorce (and I don't mean divorcing myself from ME-TV and Antenna for merely swapping shows and not adding anything cool) and, more importantly in terms of the blog, moving Cultureshark Tower.

That's right, there is a brand-new Cultureshark Tower, and I am proud to say it was constructed with not ONE CENT of taxpayer money. I'm still getting the place established and installing the massive communications network that allows me to monitor vintage and current pop culture (there's a fancy way of putting that, eh?), and I'm still trying to calibrate the sun angle to get the optimal location for the death ray, but after I get squared away, the ones and ones of you who follow this site will tolerate--or, enjoy--more posts.

Why I know "Ice Age 4: Continental Drift" is a good movie

Because my kids love it. They love it so much they want to watch it again and again...and again. And again. And we all know small children are discriminating consumers who don't crave repetition unless it's material of the highest quality, right?

Actually, "Ice Age 4" isn't bad, especially for a fourth installment, at least not from what I've seen. Really I should say from what I've seen in what order, because I've seen the whole movie, just never from beginning to end. It's solid animation with some good laughs and a few life lessons, and there isn't too much in there to really make me cringe on behalf of the kids.

But, man, I have seen a lot of "Ice Age 4."

Relief is on the horizon, though. Their mother recently bought them two NEW movies, a pair of DVDs to go right into the rotation and break up the routine. I look forward to the variety as something fresh comes into our lives for a change.

The movies? "Ice Age 2"  and "Ice Age 3."

What I plan to do here

As I wrote yesterday, it's been a long time since I posted here. I was just looking at some of the regular features I used to run, and some of them seem impractical now. I enjoyed writing about trips to the bookstore, for example, but I don't make it out there as much anymore, and, let's face it, the bookstore might not be around much longer. I used to write a lot about magazines--remember those? In particular I blogged often about how silly "Entertainment Weekly" was, but while I still try to read it, I don't subscribe, and I don't think I'll be mustering too many posts about that. I was trying to find a way to write about music, but I just don't listen to it as much anymore unless it's a song my kids like hearing over and over again in the car (and over and over...again).

I spent a lot of time discussing the retro-oriented digital subchannels like RTV, and though I don't have that one anymore, I do have new ones like Cozi, Bounce, and soon ME-TV. Yet I can't work up too much righteous indignation about them. We know what we're getting: Heavily edited/time compressed classics with a mix of inane lifestyle programs or--hey, hold that thought; I might be working up a post about that after all.

My main emphasis on Cultureshark going forward is gonna be on the older stuff. It's harder for me to stay as current on modern pop culture these days, and there are plenty of other places that obsess over what's out there now and give you that perspective. My goal is when I DO post about modern stuff, I want to at least offer a different take or something halfway interesting--no writing about, say, the Grammys just to write about the Grammys.

As far as the old school, I love the classics and the un-classics, and I'm fascinated that I enjoy things from, to pick a year, 1957 that I might well dislike were they to appear in 2013. So I hope to explore that and bring a little irreverence to the approach without contributing to the vast amount of "snark for its own sake" out there in the mainstream as well as the Blogiverse. I want to have as much fun writing about the stuff as I do consuming it, and if you have a little fun reading about it here, then I think we're all getting it done.

And of course you'll see all kinds of self-indulgent posts (he wrote as if this very post wasn't proof of that) such as Half-Assed Gourmet and musings on other things in my daily life.

In the blog's previous incarnation, I used the Shark Bytes section on the right to throw out brief comments and "reviews" that didn't warrant a full post; I still plan to do so, but maybe more of the wise-ass comments will go on my Twitter feed (@Cultureshark), which you can now also see on the right, and the Bytes will be more of the reviews and recommendations. Shark Bytes and Twitter will be where I'll put a lot of my thoughts on modern TV, movies, etc. I'll try not to duplicate those feeds.

I will not be posting daily, and sometimes it might be more like weekly, but I do plan to maintain a regular presence here and make it worthwhile to follow me or at least check back here every now and then.

My sincere thanks to readers past, present, and future, and please give me your suggestions, ideas, and your 100% honest feedback--as long as it's 100% positive, of course.

Next post here will be actual content! In the works are some new recurring features, plus the debut of the Cultureshark Hall of Fame. Stay tuned, and thanks for reading.

Where I've been

It's been well over and a year since I posted regularly, and some of you might be wondering what I was doing. What was I doing? What was I doing? Oh, ho, ho, what was I doing...

*I didn't attend the Oscars, but I watched a lot of Oscar Madison.

*I didn't go the Super Bowl, but I watched it on TV. Well, I missed most of the first half, but still. And I ate a lot of wings.

*I didn't record a hit album, but I listened to a lot of music. Of course, most of it consisted of the same few songs repeated over and over for my children's enjoyment.

*I didn't make a movie, but I saw a lot of movies. I didn't see many in theaters, but, what, my TV's not good enough? (Sorry, didn't mean to get confrontational there.)

*I didn't write any garbage for the Internet, but I changed a lot of diapers.

*I didn't write any books, but I read a lot--real ones, some even without pictures, as well as e-books.

I think what I'm trying to say is I've been busy. The next few months of my life are going to be hectic as well, but I'm committing to getting Cultureshark going again and achieving its rightful status as THE premier pop culture site published my me on the Internet.

Up next: A brief look at what you can expect from the blog, and then soon after that, hopefully I'll get around to putting some actual content up here.

Goodbye for a while

I'll spare you the long-winded explanation here and give you the short-winded one: I'm going on an indefinite sabbatical from posting. I thank everyone who has followed me and checked in from time to time, and I hope to deserve your eyeballs again at some point, but right now a combination of things is preventing me from devoting the time I want to spend on the site. Ie have been able to keep up with some shorter posts lately, but tons of ideas for longer-form pieces just aren't being converted to actual content, and that's kind of bumming me out.

When I get back into it, I want to be able to not just write, but to promote the site as well to maybe get a little more return. Even the small effort I put forth for this blog takes a toll, and as someone who does a lot of typing in his day job, even preparing sarcastic posts can cause some repetitive stress. Plus I want to spend more free time with the family, including my wonderful young'uns, and, to be honest, I want to spend more time just watching, reading, and listening stuff I've accumulated rather than writing about it.

So I'm tired but otherwise feeling great, and I have a lot of stuff to say, but I just don't think I have the time to say it in this format right now. I'm gonna try to amp it up on Twitter, so if you do find my musings interesting, you can follow me over there: @Cultureshark

Thanks again, folks. I'm frustrated to put the blog on the shelf for a while, but if I can't muster the resources to write about "Battle of the Network Stars," it's time for a break!

Talk about a crisis

The worst thing about yesterday's earthquake was it implanted the song "Walk on Water" by Eddie Money in my head. See, when it happened, I thought of Money's "Shakin'," but since I don't know many of the words to that beyond the chorus, I somehow transitioned to "Walk on Water," and now I can't get it out. Yes, even the "na na na na na, na na na na na" part.

See, this is apparently how I react in times of crisis--by associating the event with some inane pop culture reference. If an asteroid bears down on the planet in the near future, I'll probably hum that song from the Pac-Man Fever album or else just repeat that exchange from "National Lampoon's Vacation":

Got Asteroids?
No, but my dad does. He can't even sit on the toilet some days.

(NOTE: The preceding post is not intended to make light of the recent East Coast quake, nor of anyone who suffered in a real, non-musical way from that event, other earthquakes, or other natural disasters, for that matter. It is, though, intended to kind of bust Eddie Money's balls a little bit.)

Cultureshark Remembers...My TV set

R.I.P., good ol' 27" Panasonic. You brought me a quality picture and consistent, service-free operation for nearly 20 years. Oh, how happy I'll be in 20 years if anything I buy today is still running then...

...including the HD flat screen I got to replace the Panasonic. Unfortunately, for the time being, I am still mired in the world of Glorious Low-Def Television, due to a variety of factors I won't get into now (and, yes, me being cheap is one, though not the primary, factor). So I run the standard signal into the HD set, and the result is somewhat less than spectacular, but fine for Cultureshark Tower's secondary TV. Hey, as long as my daughter can enjoy Nick Jr. on it while the grownups are making dinner, it's all good.

Back to the soon-to-be departed Panasonic, though: It was a great buddy, accompanying me in college, experiencing the heady days of the DVD era, and coming along for the wonderful ride of home ownership. It will be missed.

And now how the hell do I get rid of it?

Seriously, nobody wants these old tube TVs anymore, even if they don't have intermittent picture problems. If it ain't digital, it ain't donate-able. I can't just set a TV set by the curb for the refuse collectors to pick up. Well, I probably could--those dudes take anything--but I'm not supposed to, so I have to wait for one of those electronic recycling days at the local dump (there's a great phrase to work into a blog post).

I guess for now I'll have plenty of opportunity to reflect on my longtime pal...because it'll be sitting right in my living room, practically in front of the door, until I can ditch it.

What movie should I go see this summer?

Longtime readers of Cultureshark will know that...I really don't have much to say anymore. No, I'm kidding--I hope. But longtime readers will know that I don't go the theaters much anymore, with the one sure visit coming around my birthday as Mrs. Shark and I do the dinner & date thing.

That I go so rarely increases the pressure to pick a decent flick when I do. Usually there's a simple, safe choice that is waiting in theaters around the time of my birthday: Go see the new Pixar blockbuster, enjoy the heck out of it, feel good about cinema for another year.

The summer of 2011 will be trickier, though, because I'm not really excited to see "Cars 2." Plus my wife made that decision easier when she told me before I even mentioned it, "I don't want to see Cars 2." So what does that leave me? Well, there are a bunch of would-be smash hits either on the way are already out, and maybe you can help me decide which one to pick. Unfortunately, the one I really would pay to see, the "Captain America" movie directed by Joe Johnston, comes out way too late this summer. So that leaves...

Thor: I wrote too much about my personal connection with the character here. This might still be around when I get to the theater, but I won't be heartbroken if it's not.

Bridesmaids: Well, seeing as how I'm a GUY...no, I don't think so. I might as well see "Hangover II"...

Hangover II: Except I don't really want to see "Hangover II." The first one was an OK video pick, but I don't need to pay to see more (technically probably a little less) of the same.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Is it just me or has everyone already forgotten that this even came out? The series has overstayed its welcome.

Super 8: I just don't "get" J.J. Abrams. Pass on this one.

X-Men First Class: I was always more a DC guy than a Marvel guy, and even within Marvel, I was never into the X-Men. This looks like one I will be eager to rent but not one to make my one movie of the summer.

Green Lantern: This was one I would have gladly lined up for (well, figuratively speaking, more likely is Mrs. Shark and I going to a matinee and walking right in) if the buzz was positive. So far the buzz ain't that positive. I like the character, if not Ryan Reynolds, and like the idea of a comic book movie with actual space elements. But the reviews aren't promising.

Cars 2 (June 24): See above. I hope it's good, though, because I'm sure I'll get to it eventually.

Bad Teacher (June 24): Do you think there'll be a lot of overflow to this from people who are turned away from sold-out "Cars" screenings? Maybe a decent comedy would be a good date night alternative to the noisy, cluttered blockbusters of the summer. Maybe, but this doesn't look like a decent comedy.

Harry Potter, Larry Crowne, Captain America: All probably too far after my birthday to be feasible options unless one of them looks so great it's worth the wait.

The apathy must be overpowering! The more I sit down and look at the actual selections this summer, the more I am tempted to say "Screw it," and head to a Redbox for a couple of dollar rentals instead.

More proof that I am kind of odd sometimes

The other day, I see a license plate that reads...

GOEN OUT

Now, most people would probably see this as the vanity plate of someone who is active and always on the move, or perhaps a social creature who likes to get out and party a lot.

But my first reaction was, "Jeez, Bob Goen left 'Entertainment Tonight' more than 6 years ago. Get over it!"

Half-Assed Gourmet: Viva Los Taco Doritos!

The other day, I'm in the local outpost of The Greatest Supermarket Chain Known to Mankind, Wegmans, when I see a nice-looking family--youngish mom and dad, two small children--holding a bag of Taco Doritos.

Yes, they're back--the junk food that coursed through my veins many an afternoon after school in the late eighties, often accompanied by Nestle Quik in my mug and pro wrestling on ESPN. Taco Doritos are available in a "limited edition" package that spotlights the classic orange and brown colors that made the bag of trans fats so distinctive back in the day.

So the mom takes the bag and says to her son, "Look. This is the same bag I had when I was young." Then she put the bag in the cart with a big smile on her face. I didn't see the kid's expression, but he may well have been thinking, "Uh...yeah, Mom. It's a BAG. Whoop-de-do."

I know that I had a smile on my face. Only in America, I mused, could the populace get nostalgic over a bizarre offshoot of a junky snack chip, and at least partly because of the packaging, to boot.

Yep, I chuckled about that...and then, of course, I blew right past that family to snatch my own bag. After all, I want to see if they taste the way I remember them...and the bag'll look pretty cool in my pantry. Besides, two bucks (on sale from an MSRP of 4 bucks--did I mention Wegmans is great?) is a small fee to pay for memories of decompressing after a rough day of school with some of my favorite guilty pleasures.

Aw, shucks

I am the proud recipient of a bona fide MAJOR AWARD, and unlike the one the Old Man got, this honor ain't fragile. I took special care when cutting-and-pasting the jpg, anyway, just to be on the safe side. After all, I don't get awards every day, you know.

I must thank pal o' mine and Friend of the Site Ivan Shreve, proprietor of the essential Thrilling Days of Yesteryear, for bestowing this award and offering some much-too-kind words in the process. I am in a rush tonight and am probably violating the spirit, the letter of the law, and the whole darn raison d'etre (how's THAT for some stylish vocab?) by neither revealing more about myself, nor sharing the generous spirit by passing it on to other, undoubtedly more deserving blogs, but I felt it would be rude not to acknowledge Ivan's wonderful gesture. I believe that when a man extends such praise, it is unkind not to at least--aw, heck, who am I kidding, I just wanted to put the award up.

I hope that at some point in the not-too-distant future, possibly even before CBS finishes putting out "Sgt. Bilko" on DVD, I'll pay it forward and fulfill my duties. For now, I just want to say thanks, and welcome to anyone who was lured over to my corner of the web by attending the prestigious awards ceremony at TDOY.