Wonderful World of TCM: Lightning Round!

Arsene Lupin: This 1932 account of the master jewel thief is a little slow in the middle, but it's still entertaining to see Lupin, played by John Barrymore, match wits with Detective Guerchard, played by my favorite Barrymore of them all, Lionel.

By the way, "Arsene" is not pronounced by starting with "Arse," and his name is not a fancy way of saying "Wolf Man." Despite those disappointments, the movie is still a good one. Lionel knows who the mysterious criminal is, but he can't prove it, and John delights in getting his goat. What he REALLY delights in getting is the Mona Lisa, which he vows to seize right under Guerchard's nose.

Nobody takes any of this seriously, and there is a romantic element that adds to the lightness of it all. The dueling Barrymores are pretty much the whole show, and they're enough. I don't care much for the ending, but it's more or less in line with the rest of "Lupin," which treats the whole situation as a game between two gentlemen rather than any kind of high-stakes police crisis.

Hallelujah! I'm a Bum: A fascinating Depression-era musical that "proves" that poverty ain't so bad--in fact, it's downright grand! Al Jolson is the de facto mayor of the Central Park bum community, but he is good friend to the "real" mayor of NYC, played by Frank Morgan. When Morgan's girlfriend tries to commit suicide after a misunderstanding, Jolson saves her and falls in love with the amnesiac woman. Complications ensue, and while the movie is mostly a lark, there is some genuine emotion in these relationships and how they unfold.

The movie is a real curio in part because of how it blends Rodgers and Hart songs with rhyming dialogue and regular dialogue. There's never a dull moment in "Hallelujah," and Jolson and Morgan create likable but credible personas even within this offbeat format. Silent film legend Harry Langdon even gets a nice supporting role.

The music, the rhyming dialogue, the performances, the witty script, and the interesting depiction of life from the "bum's" perspective all contribute to the unique atmosphere. This one's a real keeper, and while I haven't seen much of Al Jolson, I can't imagine him coming off much better than he does here,

Tales of Terror: A fun collection of Edgar Allen Poe adaptations, with old favorite Vinnie Price narrating and appearing in each segment. Fun but unspectacular, though I'll bet the set design and cinematography really popped in the theater (and on a better TV than mine). The highlight is the middle chapter, "The Black Cat," with Peter Lorre's hilarious performance carrying a story that takes a while to get to where it ends up getting.

There are other fun aspects of this Roger Corman joint , including lovely ladies such as Debra Paget. I wasn't overwhelmed by anything in the film, but it offers 3 amusing tales and makes for a nice pre-Halloween movie. Uh, sorry for telling you that AFTER Halloween.

Brooks on Books: I Killed: True Stories of the Road from America's Top Comics

I'm the kind of guy who often works on 3 or 4 books at the same time. For example, I might have a large volume I read at home, a more compact paperback I can carry with me, and maybe a "light reading" kind of book I can dip into every now and then.

I often find the "light reading" book, the one I intend to look at sporadically, is so engrossing that I just plow right through it. This is the deal with "I Killed," a fantastic read that I could not set aside for any significant length of time. I highly recommend it for anyone interested in standup comedy.

Authors Ritch Shydner and Mark Schiff, themselves standup comedians, assembled a host of "road" stories from their brethren, then arranged them into bit-sized anecdotes typically no longer than a page or so. The life of the comic is not an easy one, filled with cheap hotels, dive bars, and shady characters, but it sure provides grist for a lot of hilarious stories.

Many of these tales involve sex, drugs, and alcohol. Many involve various forms of illegal behavior. Some are likely exaggerated. Some, especially a few near the end, are actually sweet and touching. Almost all of them are entertaining.

You'll see almost every big name comic of the eighties and nineties represented here, plus some older and newer. The authors don't arrange them in any kind of real order, with the exception of a some sidebars that group really short tales--like a paragraph--that share a theme. I kind of like this approach because you never know who or what will turn up next--though you can bet it will involve heckling.

Despite what Bill Maher says in here about the phenomenon being much rarer than one would think, reading "I Killed" gives you the impression that standup comedy is basically a war between the guy on stage and the inevitable lout in the audience who seeks to disrupt the performance. Whether it's as frequent as the sheer number of stories in this compilation indicates, it sure makes for some humorous war stories.

I'm not sure how much work Shydner and Schiff did in crafting this book after conducting the interviews. Many entries read like simple transcriptions of what the comic said in person or over the phone or whatever. That's not a knock. The (apparent) lack of editing and extraneous material get the comic's voice across and give the book a kind of casual authenticity.

If you're easily offended, you might not be a big fan of many of these performers, anyway, and in that case, you ought to skip this book. Almost everyone who has enjoyed standup comedy on any level, though, will love "I Killed" and hope for a sequel.

Panel Discussion: Good Morning, Spidey

I love this combination of panels in "Amazing Spider-Man" #12. First we get the great image of Giant Dream Spidey lecturing himself.

As for the next panel, all I'll say is that Peter Parker is becoming a young man, and he will soon learn that it is not unusual to wake up in the morning with a "zingarooo."

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas (whether you like it or not)

I always say I like Christmas as much as the next guy, unless I'm standing beside Mick Foley, but this year, the early onset of the yuletide season deserves a particularly potent SHEESH!

It all began when I saw a busy display of Christmas trees at Macy's...several weeks ago. OK, it was cool-looking, and my daughter loved it, but still.

We're all hearing how desperate retailers are eager to start pushing the holiday shopping season even earlier this year--yes, even before Halloween. Remember when it used to be a big deal to hear Christmas songs on the radio before Thanksgiving?

But of course, we here at Cultureshark believe nothing is official till it be validated by television, so this next item will stand as the true sign that we've all lost our minds and the season is here too early. Last week, Sitcoms Online ran a story discussing ABC Family Channel's plans for holiday programming. You see, not only does the network roll out its annual 25 Days of Christmas lineup, it offers a COUNTDOWN to the 25 Days of Christmas.

First of all, while the festival of lame TV movies and classic Rankin-Bass specials is always a hit and a better use of the channel's resources than many other ventures it could trot out there, is it really so daggone notworthy as to merit a COUNTDOWN to itself? If the commercialization of the holidays isn't enough for you, here's a little self-importance courtesy of ABC Family.

Second, it starts November 10! November 10 is just too early to roll this stuff out, and I say that as a relatively new parent who realized last year how quickly the season flies by and how hectic it can be without preparation. November 10!

Third, the story tells us one of the movies premiering in the Countdown to the 25 Days of Christmas is "The Dog Who Saved Christmas," with Dean Cain, Mario Lopez, and Adrienne Barbeau. 'Nuff said.

Hey, if this is where we're headed, though, Cultureshark will have to adapt. Look for round 2 of my Classic TV Christmas Festival in December, only this year, you'll really love the Countdown to the Classic TV Christmas Festival, starting...3 DAYS AGO!

That's right, this blog has been counting down to its Classic TV Christmas Festival for several days, and you didn't even know it! Don't feel too bad, though. I only just realized it myself. Ho ho ho!

This Week in DVD and deception

Here's something a bit different this week: I am going to give an untrue statement about each entry this week except one. See if you can guess which one is sincere. The correct answer is on file in the third unit from the left in the big row of lockers closest to the main terminal at the bus depot in Springfield, Illinois.

Ice Age 3: Ray Romano has one of the most appealing, entertaining, and dare I say SEXY cartoon voices of all time. It's amazing when you consider what a departure it is from his normal showbiz persona voice.

Nothing Like the Holidays: John Leguizamo is welcome in my household anytime, whether it be for the holidays or merely as a star in this delightful Christmas movie.

Orphan: This movie received terrible reviews, but it has special meaning for me since I myself was orphaned when my scientist father launched me away from our dying planet in a rocketship.

Whatever Works: The idea of Larry David in a Woody Allen just makes my skin crawl. Now, every time I watch "Curb Your Enthusiasm," I'm gonna be thinking about Larry David nailing Soon Yi.

Sam Fuller Collection: Sony really irritates me these days, scraping the bottom of the barrel for stuff like this when it could be devoting its resources to more versions of, say, "Casino Royale."

The Fugitive Season 3 Volume 1: Paramount has set the gold standard with its treatment of classic TV shows, and its thoughtful substitution of original underscore music with new synth-heavy replacements is just one example.

Mannix Season 3: You know, I just can't get into this show, and I think it's because of the fey performance by Mike Connors.

Saturday Morning Cartoons The 1960s Volume 2 and 1970s Volume 2: Since, oh, just about as soon as the format BEGAN, I've been going around telling anyone who'll listen that what DVD needs is more "Hair Bear Bunch."

The Barbara Stanwyck Show Volume 1: Barbara Stanwyck was born July 16, 1907.

Box Office Preview: This Is It

(Note: The following post is the result of exhaustive market research, precise scientific analyses, and our own top-secret box office prediction formulas. Don't mix us up with those other scrubs that just guess.)

Tomorrow sees the debut of the highly touted Michael Jackson "concert film," or at least "rehearsal for a concert" film, "This Is It," and many people are curious as to how much it will earn at the box office. These people are, of course, mostly Jackson family members, corporate stooges, and other hangers-on all interested in exploiting the dead pop star for a buck or two.

But even those of us not in that category can take an interest in predicting the box office success of this anticipated event. We shouldn't, but we can. Here, then, are Cultureshark's official predictions.

*If "This Is It" reaches the $10 million mark in the first few days, it will go on to gross much more than that over the course of the weekend. We are confident in saying on record that this will happen.

*If it eventually reaches the $25 million mark, Michael Jackson really will be the King of Pop, as he declared himself. It'll be official, cold, hard fact, and no one will be able to dispute this.

* That $25 million mark, however, is a mere glass of Jesus Juice compared to what we see as the ultimate number this movie will reach: Our analysis indicates that "This Is It" will gross $87,340,754.

This is a significant number because it exceeds the $87,340,000 figure needed for Michael Jackson himself to return to Earth, greet his minions, and reclaim his throne as the rightful terrestrial King of Pop. There will be mass hysteria and confusion, followed by a peaceful euphoria, then finally an extended state of bliss as the citizenry acclimates itself again to life in the Kingdom of Michael Jackson.