The engima that is Ken Berry

So the other day I noticed that "The Cat From Outer Space" was coming on, and I suddenly got the urge to host a Salute to Ken Berry Film Festival.

(This is a good example of why I need to either have another child or get a hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with pop culture.)

I figured a handful of those live-action Ken Berry Disney flicks I watched as a tyke would make for an interesting lineup. I'll confess that I was only about 11% sure I'd actually do this--the fact is, I do have one small child, and that plus the fact that my wife isn't insane would make the actual execution of such a marathon difficult--but, hey, if we can't dream about programming a Ken Berry Film Festival, why dream at all?


A quick research jaunt to IMDB stunned me. Ken Berry, it turned out, wasn't in as many movies as I thought. I mean, unless I'm missing something, it was "The Cat," a "Love Bug" sequel, and that was pretty much it. Where in the world did I come up with my conception of Ken Berry: Box Office Matinee Idol for the Family Crowd?

You know what it was? It was television. Ken Berry was all over the tube when I was growing up. The frequent airing of "The Cat from Outer Space" was but one component of a bigger picture that apparently implanted Ken Berry: Icon into my impressionable brain. Funny thing is, I didn't even care for most of the stuff that was on. I never got into "F Troop" or "Mayberry RFD" back then, and though I can remember watching it sometimes, I was not a fan of "Mama's Family," either.

In fact, one of my strongest memories of TV's Ken Berry is his starring role in one of my least favorite "Brady Bunch" episodes ever (and now we pause for you Brady haters to add your own wise-ass remark here), the backdoor pilot for "Kelly's Kids" that seemed to be on a disproportionate number of times.

Here's an interesting thing that pops out when you study Ken Berry's resume (and I realize I tread on familiar ground here, as surely countless scholars before this humble blogger have pored over, analyzed, and discussed Ken Berry's curriculum vitae) is his 7 appearances on "Fantasy Island." 7 appearances! Talk about a friend of the show. I just love the notion of the staff casting a certain part and someone piping up, "Why don't we just bring Berry in again? He always nails it."

This tidbit, I think, epitomizes the apparent ubiquity of Kenneth Ronald Berry on 1970s/1980s television screens. "Fantasy Island" was a popular anthology-type show of its day, and it often featured average Joes who thought they wanted something but, as it turned out, were doomed to perish in a horrible explosion of some kind about 17 minutes after they got their wish. Or something like that. Who better than the Kenster to play an average Joe, someone generally likable but with maybe one big flaw, that of not knowing what he really wants?

Given the actor's everyday guy persona and the popularity of this kind of show back then, the stunner is that according to IMDB, he made but one "Love Boat" guest shot. If you think maybe that one was a little too bawdy to utilize his wholesome image, I remind you of his long stint playing against "bombshell" Dorothy Lyman on "Mama's Family." No, I prefer to believe that "Fantasy Island" staff had some influence here:

"Ken, we're not telling you to not go on that show. We're just telling you that, well, gosh, we love you so much here, we kind of think of you as our guy." And then they gave "Love Boat" the rights to use Grant Goodeve in a few more episodes.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the Ken Berry Film Festival will not go on after all, but if anyone wants to run those "Fantasy Island" episodes, I'll give them a shot. Oh, yeah, and I might watch "The Cat from Outer Space" one of these days. And by the way, 249 episodes of "Love Boat"? That's just staggering.

Panel Discussion: Oh, you silly girl!

One of Superman's lesser publlicized (but not lesser used) powers in the Silver Age was his potent super sexism, as seen in this moment from "Justice League of America" #18:


Yeah, Wonder Woman! Jeez!

My annual rant against the TV Land Awards

TV Land stinks nowadays, blah, blah, blah.

The TV Land Awards are bogus, etc., etc., etc.

If TV Land is gonna give awards to shows like "Love Boat," it ought to actually SHOW some episodes of yada, yada, yada.

OK, I got that out of my system. Now let me contribute a positive comment about the show.

(I just can't get into the mindset to properly dissect the show-closing spectacle of luminaries like David Hasselhoff, Marilu Henner, and Richard Karn--yes, Richard Karn--singing Don't Stop Believin', so let's just forget about it, OK?)

That Tom Hanks showed up to this third-rate blend of nostalgia and blatant attempts to lure younger demos ("Glee" getting an award?) shows what a class act he is. Not only did he attend with castmates Peter Scolari, Holland Taylor, and Thelma Hopkins, he--I think--stuck around and acted like a "regular guy" while they made jokes about how much bigger a star he was. Hanks grabbed his trophy with good spirit and acted happy to be there.

I think that's pretty "Big" of him. Clearly he was the big dog in the room, but he didn't act like it, at least on camera. He did a lot better job of enjoying himself at the awards show than I did just watching it. So I give Tom Hanks an award of my own: The Cultureshark Lifetime Achievement Award for Outstanding Achievement in Livening Up Industry Events While Remaining an All-Around Good Sport. I'll bet if I asked him nicely, he'd visit this blog and accept it, making a gracious and witty speech as he did.

What was I thinking? Part 2: "Small Wonder"

I thought I might get a little nostalgia-fueled kick out of seeing some "Small Wonder" episodes from the recent Season One set issued by Shout Factory. This despite the fact that I never liked the show, never felt a strong desire to see it again in the intervening years, and had no reason to believe it was some kind of buried treasure unjustly consigned to the kitsch corner of time.

What was I thinking?

I made it through the first episode partly because my wife was in the room to share the experience. I made it through a second because I was on a stationary bike and didn't feel like getting up to stop the disc and turn the TV to something else. Even then, I relied on a nearby "Sports Illustrated" to divert my attention.

"Small Wonder" is bad. Oh, I don't mean to disparage the people involved, all of whom surely tried hard and meant well. But this is a classic example of a mediocre sitcom gone wild. Every minute is packed with a cutesy moment, a standard misunderstanding, a precocious kid, a punchline you can see coming almost before the set-up...Maybe there is some humor to be mined out of the premise of a guy inventing a robot and passing it off as a young niece. It ain't here, though. Trust me.

I tried listening to an audio commentary, figuring maybe, just maybe, I missed something. Or perhaps there would be some worthwhile stories of hedonism behind the scenes during production of "Small Wonder." Instead, I just listened to amiable people chatting about the good times they had while making the show, and it made me feel guilty about hating it.

That guilt dissipated, though, as soon as I contemplated loading up a third episode. I just couldn't do it. "Small Wonder" might hold up for kids, who were probably the intended audience all along, but to me it just seems, at the risk of sounding all Holden Caulfield, phony. The jokes are phony, the characters are phony, and the situations are phony.

In fact, if Holden Caulfied were alive today, he'd definitely buy--not rent--this DVD set, but then quickly condemn it for being so phony.

(I realize the above sentence makes zero sense, but I needed a little something to jazz up the post, and I really don't have anything to say about Edie McClurg.)

There is one fascinating thing about "Small Wonder," and that's the conspicuous absence on the DVDs of star Tiffany Brissette. Is she distancing herself from the role of Vicki? Is she unavailable for comment? Is she actually a herself a robot and shunning publicity to avoid disclosure? These questions are far more fascinating to ponder than whether or not the annoying redhead girl that lives next door will catch Vicki in the act of coughing up a lugnut.

What was I thinking? I'll tell you what it was: That damn theme song. "She's the smaaall wonder..." It's catchy, it's cheesy, and it stays with you enough to obscure any memories you have of how bad the rest of the show was. I'll bet if you ever saw "Small Wonder," you're humming the song now. I'm here to tell you now: Just look up the opening on YouTube. Don't sit through an entire episode.

Brooks on Books: Nick Hornby trio

Nick Hornby is, in my opinion, one of the BESTEST writers ever. Excuse me for the highfalutin language, but since we're being literary here, I beg your indulgence. I recently read 3 Hornby/Hornby-related books, and here are my thoughts:

How to Be Good: Somehow, this novel slipped through the cracks for me even though I had read and loved "High Fidelity" and "About a Boy." What was wrong with me?

Well, that's not worth exploring, but in this book, Hornby explores what's wrong with a troubled relationship. He writes from the POV of Katie, a doctor whose marriage to a passive-aggressive crank named David is in trouble. David undergoes a sudden spiritual transformation one day, and Katie and their two kids must deal with his desire to be a good person, which sounds great except that he wants to give away material possessions, lend spare rooms to random homeless people, and generally do all sorts of things that, while well intentioned, are really inconvenient. And he does this all with the help of an oddball healer/guru type who moves in.

Katie's hand-wringing over what it means to be good is an entertaining journey into the world of liberal guilt. I don't use that phrase as some kind of political statement here; I'm just saying that Hornby describes the conflict between what we say we want for the world and how much we're actually willing to do. Katie becomes increasingly annoyed with David's plans, even though they're sincere--sometimes maybe because they're sincere--but she always remains a likable, identifiable character.

This is a sharp, funny novel which appears to head towards a pat ending, but ends in a place a lot more ambiguous and unsettling than you expect--well, at least than I expected. It's provocative and entertaining, but I don't see myself revisiting it like I do Hornby's classic "guy" novels that preceded this one.

I've written before about the cool little paperbacks that collect Hornby's book columns for "The Believer" magazine. The latest, 2008's "Shakespeare Wrote for Money," is also the last, as the author discontinued the feature. Each column lists what he read and what he bought in a particular month, then explains his choices and his takes.

These books are breezy and addictive, and I love them all. I must admit I love "Shakespeare" a tad less than the others, though. After all, he seems to be cruising a bit in these pieces, and one month he doesn't even write about books. Still, I'll take Hornby on cruise control over many others at their peak. After all, the guy is one of the bestest.

One refreshing thing about "The Believer" columns in this last collection is their touting of young adult fiction. Hornby was writing a YA novel of his own at the time, "Slam," and the process inspired him to explore the genre. One of the books he raves about in "Shakespeare" is David Almond's "Skellig."

"Skellig" is a charming story about life, death, mysterious beings, spirituality, and...uh, growing up, I guess. Isn't every YA novel about growing up? I enjoyed it, but I can't say I loved it so much I sought out other such books. I don't mean to be snobbish about young adult fiction; I just have a lot of other stuff in the hopper, and this didn't blow me away like I would have hoped after reading Hornby's comments.

This doesn't make me think any less of Nick. Don't let me make you think any less of "Skellig." It's a good book. It' s just not the bestest.

What was I thinking? Part 1: "Meet the Spartans"

What was I THINKING when I sat down to watch "Meet the Spartans"?

Well, I kinda know what I was thinking, I guess. I was thinking, "It's on HBO. It might be funny. If not, it's not like I'm out the price of a rental or, Bogart forbid, the price of a movie ticket."

(Let's not try to calculate how much one movie factors into the monthly HBO subscription fee. That's way too much thought for a post on "Meet the Spartans.")

I was also thinking, "I haven't liked any of these spoof movies in what seems like ages, and I have no reason to believe this experience will be better. It's been panned, after all, and it looks like the same old thing."

Oh, "Meet the Spartans" was terrible. It wasn't just not as funny as I would have hoped, it was grosser than I would have feared. I can only digest so many off-putting "gags" about body fluids and such before I gag, and the verbal wit wasn't exactly Oscar Levant. It's not that I have some kind of devotion to movies like "300" that are lampooned here. I hated "300" and could have appreciated a quality buggering of that misfire.

Perhaps worst of all, this is the kind of movie that makes you think Carmen Electra will be naked in it (in other words, just about any movie with Carmen Electra) and teases that event, only to deny you even that simple pleasure. So "Spartans" isn't just unfunny, it's...It's unpatriotic!

I think I lasted 19 minutes before finally realizing life was too short to expect "Meet the Spartans" to somehow become tolerable. Did I learn my lesson? Well, yes and no. I'm not gonna rent "Superhero Movie," but if it comes on TV and I have a free hour and a half...