Streaming Video Power Rankings Week #70 (Special "70th anniversary, and by that I mean the 70th one" edition)

1) Hulu: It was Golden Girls and Mary Tyler Moore for me this week. Uh, and also, uh, Rambo and Ninjas and guns and stuff.

But Hulu also announced some interesting things at the TCA tour, including the acquisition of 5 long-running ABC TGIF sitcoms. I loathe all of those shows, but again, Hulu continues to grab catalog content when Netflix has given up on it.

2) Netflix: The Incredible Jessica James is well regarded as an enjoyable romantic comedy movie, but I still feel like people  are sleeping on The Adventures of Puss in Boots. I include myself in that category. A new season just dropped, people! I will make it a point to catch up on it, along with the dozen other Netflix originals upon which I am catching (?).

It's a slow week for Netflix, but I actually enjoyed watching several things on there, and ultimately, these rankings are not only about what's new, but what is ON and what I am--I mean what we are all enjoying. Hulu is surging, though, Netflix, and it's gonna take a little more effort to regain that stranglehold on the top spot.

3) YouTube: PRO Classic TV continues uploading stuff like Cisco Kid and Rifleman, and I continue to be amazed at the amount of old NFL game footage on here. I really, really miss the great channel that had tons of complete vintage MLB games, though.

I also give YT credit for being (apparently) the only channel of any kind anywhere that my kids want to watch. I can't even sell them on Puss in Boots.

4) WWE Network: I always like to give credit where it's due, and uploading dozens of episodes of World Class Championship Wrestling deserves kudos. It's getting to the point where I am tempted to re-up once they fill in the gaps in shows like that.

5) Nosey: Uh-oh. I am really getting into this channel and have now watched several old episodes of Sally. I may have a problem here.

Strike that. I have a problem. The question is whether I can claw my way out of this before I start hitting the old episodes of Geraldo.

6) Days of Dumont: After listening to Jamie Farr on Gilbert Gottfried's podcast tell stories Ralph Bellamy told him about working on Man Against Crime, I turned it to Days of Dumont for some vintage episodes. What's not to love about that sentence?

7) Warner Archive Instant: I am docking WAI for the lack of updates this month, but I just can't stay mad at a service that gives me Don Johnson on Eight Is Enough.

8) MLB.TV: Losing to the Giants and the Padres? Really, Pittsburgh? I may have to adopt a random AL West team or something and start rooting for them so I have something to look forward to each night after the Buccos lose.

9) Pub-D-Hub: I am enjoying the Great Alaskan Mystery serial on here, though I still think it can use more Edgar Kennedy. Granted, I think that about most things made in the 1930s and 1940s...

10) Amazon Prime: That The Last Tycoon series looks kind of cool. Of course, most of the reviews say it isn't that great, so I am not going to get Prime for it or anything, but it looks cool and earns Amazon a 10-spot.

YOU Make the Call: Eight Is Enough (Part 2)

Yesterday we took a brief look at the legendary star of Just Legal and Blood and Oil and asked if you would let him date your daughter. Today we have another suitor for the Bradford daughters on Eight Is Enough. Only, Don Johnson was dating Mary and was in a committed relationship--so committed that they tried living together.

This guy, though, has the nerve to try to date Susan and Joanie at the same time while being sneaky about it:

He LOOKS like a nice guy--sort of--and he even seems nice to Mary. He's David's roommate and co-worker on a construction site, so he can't be all bad, right?

 But look closely. Do you recognize this man who, years later would go on to terrorize Metropolis? That's right, it's LEX LUTHOR! Stay away, Susan and Joanie!

Fortunately, the Bradford girls figure out themselves what a creep he is, and they give him his comeuppance by...well, it's kind of goofy. They try to make him think that all 5 of them want him, which I guess is cruel when he figures out they're putting him on:

 

Knowing all this, YOU make the call: Would you let your daughter date this man?

Actually, the better question might be, would you let your daughter date THIS man? Yes, folks, it's time once again for the Grant Goodeve Gun Show:

YOU Make the Call: Eight is Enough (Part 1)

Folks, Mary Bradford, eldest daughter of harried but generally decent father of 8 and newspaper columnist Tom, is dating a new guy, and things are getting pretty serious. They want to live together.

I ask you, would YOU let your daughter DATE this guy, let alone shack up with him?

I mean, sure, this doctor in training is helpful at the beginning when Tommy breaks his leg in a football game...

but I don't like the attitude he is giving Tom here:

Still, to his credit, he does make nice with Tom at the end--and, yes, Tom concedes the Bradfords can be stubborn--and seems to be treating Mary right again.

I leave it up to you, readers: Does this man, who may or may not be the iconic star of a future iconic TV series (Nash Bridges, of course) look like someone you would want to date your daughter?

'Mooners Monday #21: The most terrifying moment on the show

Some Honeymooners moments really creeped me out when I was a little kid watching a rerun at 11:30 on a summer night--that moment when Ralph pulls back the curtain in the Xmas episode and breaks character always startled me, and there are all sorts of weird shots in the Lost Episodes--but no single scene in the show's history was scarier than the one that closes "Please Leave the Premises."

In this episode, Ralph sees a guy to get over the problem he's having with his nerves. Driving a bus is making him an angry wreck. Well, that's what HE says. I suspect he wasn't exactly Barney the Dinosaur before he got his spot at the Gotham Bus Co.

Anyway, he comes home all smiles and shares with Ed and Alice the method he has to deal with stress. The idea is to recite a simple saying each time he feels he is losing it. The characters say this a little differently at various points in the episode, but the gist is:

"Pins and needles, needles and pins. It's a happy man that grins." Then you smile, ask yourself what you were mad about, and, voila, troubles vanish.

Needless to say, things don't work out for Ralph, and I'll get into that in a future post, but for now let's focus on Alice's version. She does the rhyme in anger several times in this episode, and each time, it's...it's...it's chilling.

(I'm not sure what to make of Norton there, come to think of it)

That one is bad enough, but the episode's final shot is worse. We get a "good" look at Alice, and Audrey Meadows, a beautiful and classy woman, shows us how she can transform into an emissary of Satan himself:

(Warning: This image may be unsuitable for younger viewers)

Is this The Honeymooners or Mommie Dearest? [SHUDDER]

Streaming Video Power Rankings: Week #69 (Special "No comment" edition)

1) Hulu: It earns the top spot this week with its recent library deal with Fox. In addition to series like Bob's Burgers and Bones, Hulu is adding the full runs of series like MASH and NYPD Blue. And finally--finally--that "first 3 seasons" nonsense of the MTM shows like Hill Street Blues, The Bob Newhart Show, and The Mary Tyler Moore is ending as Hulu will have all the episodes. St. Elsewhere  is another complete one coming, and that has only been the first season.

Bravo to Hulu for spending some money on pre-2000 TV series. Competition is good, and I'm glad that Hulu is willing to pick up the slack in an area Netflix has abandoned.

2) Netflix: Rogue One is a big add and a reminder of the value of that Disney deal. Maybe Jason Bateman and Laura Linney in Ozark will turn out to be a big success. However, I have seen a lot of negative reviews for their recent high-profile originals like Friends from College. Yeah, it's exciting to see a new series each weekend, but if it's not any good...

3) YouTube: Oh, I've seen some great stuff on here lately, like a 20-minute block of HBO promos and an old episode of WWF's syndicated "A" show. One of the best channels, Gilmore Box, uploaded a ton of great (and by great I mean terrible) opening sequences to forgotten 1990s sitcoms.

Also, speaking of old TV, big ups to PRO Classic TV. Peter Rodgers Organization apparently abandoned its standalone Roku channel and said, "Hell with it; let's just use YouTube," and is putting tons of old stuff up in decent quality for free. We're talking Rifleman, I Spy, My Favorite Martian, and more PRO programs.

4) MLB.TV: As of press time (I love writing that), the Pirates have won 12 of 14 and 6 in a row. It's fun to have MLB when your team actually wins games!

5) Warner Archive Instant: Stay tuned this week for my special look at the continued sketchy dating of the Bradford daughters on Eight Is Enough. Really, though, a movie-centric update for WAI is looooong overdue.

6) Pub-D-Hub: I think I am going to settle down and start watching The Great Alaskan Mystery, the latest addition to the serials category, tonight. Ralph Morgan, Milburn Stone, Marjorie Weaver, and best of all, Edgar Kennedy!

6) Nosey: The world didn't really need a free Roku channel dedicated to episodes of trash TV like daytime talk shows and courtroom shows, but here it is, and--this is going to be a credibility killer, I know--I actually enjoyed it recently. I looked for a "troubled teens" episode of Sally, and lo and behold, I found one right away!

7) Britbox: Added The Young Ones. 'Nuff said. But it also adds the first 7 seasons of iconic Britcom Only Fools and Horses. Will it please add Drop the Dead Donkey so I can throw some money at it?

8) TuneIn: Once again I heard Dave Mason's "We Just Disagree" on Deep Oldies on TuneIn, and it is by no means a deep oldie, but why would anyone complain about hearing it?

9) HBO Now: I probably shouldn't rate them just because DirectTV is running a free preview this weekend, but, hey, so be it. Hacksaw Ridge premieres this weekend. Remember that was actually nominated for Best Picture? I kind of forgot, too.

10) Shout! Factory TV: This week I saw Jerry Seinfeld guest on the old Dr. Ruth Lifetime show, and much to my delight, he was just as much a wise ass as I hoped he would be.

Hazel: The Early Years: Episode 5, "Dorothy's New Client"

Conspicuous by his absence in this season 1 episode is Don Defore, AKA Mr. B. We see precious little of him, though Dorothy's desire to pay for the fancy chair she has ordered for him is an important plot point. Can Hazel the show work without Hazel the domestic engineer butting heads (in an amiable, well-meaning way, of course) with her nominal boss? Of course, but the Dorothy-centric episodes are missing something. Well, they are missing Defore, but you know what I mean.

"Dorothy's New Client" is significant for establishing Missy's career as an interior decorator...and that she apparently isn't all that successful at it. She's hurting for clients but doesn't want to be aggressive about hustling for them, nor does she want to mark up cheap items and push them as luxury accessories for would-be clientele. This is admirable but not so good when you need money for a new chair for your hubby, so Hazel butts in as only she can.

Check out the snooty designer who wants Dorothy to work for her. She has no qualms about doing what it takes to get clients:

Hazel's "poker face" at some of her business ideas leaves a bit to be desired:

From a Hazel Burke standpoint, this episode is notable because she actually gets busted in her meddling, proving that she is not the superhuman, infallible force she resembles at times throughout the series. Yes, even Hazel is kind of slow sometimes. She cooks up a scheme n which she cozies up to the new neighbors' domestic and convincing her to give a spiel designed to get her boss to hire a decorator.

The transparent ruse is not one of Hazel's best. Missy figures it out quickly, and Hazel has to haul a-double-crooked-letter back to her place to avoid being caught there in the new place playing puppet master.

It's refreshing to see that rare sign of fallibility, but make no mistake, Hazel is still the queen of the 'hood. When she recruits the new maid for the Sunshine Girls, she makes the group of domestic engineers sound like a bit more than a social group, explaining that they do meetings, lectures (by Hazel herself, natch), minor armed insurrections...OK, I made up the last part of that, but the Sunshine Girls don't mess around, and they prove it by the end of the episode.

 

See, the Sunshine Girls do a welcome wagon kind of deal in which they do a housecleaning and furniture arranging, and wouldn't you know it? They just happen to illustrate the many ways in which one crucial interior decorating decision can wreck a household.

 I look forward to seeing more of the Sunshine Girls. They are like Hazel's own Special Forces, ready to be deployed on short notice in any crisis.

But back to the boss, and I don't mean Mrs. B. So Dorothy gets her new client after all. Once again, game, set, match: Hazel.

I look forward to seeing more of the Sunshine Girls. They are like Hazel's own Special Forces, ready to be deployed on short notice in any crisis.