Sunday, December 14, 2008

The day I lost my WWF innocence

This month, WWE 24/7 is bringing back some memories by running two of its pay-per-view events from 1991: Survivor Series and This Tuesday in Texas (yes, they really called it that). I saw the former live, but not the latter, and whole scenario is what convinced me that professional wrestling hated me and always would.

Picture it: State College, Pennsylvania, 1991. I was in high school, and my wresting fanatic friends and I were thrilled that a local sports bar showed WWF PPVs for a cover charge (and probably some kind of minimum, too). What better time could be had than watching the WWF on a big screen, eating some pub food, and irritating the wait stuff by constantly getting free refills on our we're-underage-and-can't-make-you-real-money sodas?

We gathered on a Sunday for the Survivor Series, and, yes, we were all marks because we were paying for the product. And of course we knew it was all a big show. But we didn't quite expect to get ripped off the way we did. You see, the Survivor Series was mainly a showcase for a series of crowded elimination tag team matches. Ultimately, though, the night was dominated by the most prolific tag team in the history of pro wrestling: Bait and Switch.

The show got off to a bad start when figurehead "WWF President" announced some BS reason why Jake "The Snake" Roberts and Randy "Macho Man" Savage, who were bitterly feuding at the time, wouldn't be on the show. Something like it was too dangerous for them to wrestle on the Survivor Series. So they would meet at the next possible day..."This Tuesday in Texas." And wouldn't you know that the WWF just happened to have satellite time reserved for a pay per view special?

Survivor Series 1991 continued, and what was the happiest moment of our night unfolded when Hulk Hogan lost his title to the Undertaker. We were all confirmed Hogan haters, and seeing a rare pinfall loss by "The Chumpster" should have made the evening, esepcially considering the involvement of our beloved Ric Flair. But I think even right after it happened, we knew it was short-lived, that Hogan would get the title back right away. After all, the finish was controversial, and there was gonna be a rematch, and when do you think they could arrange to stage one? You guessed it...This Tuesday in Texas.

Throughout the evening, the announcers kept yammering about what was going to happen on Tuesday instead of focusing on what we were paying to see now. This kind of constant shill is commonplace nowadays in professional wrestling, with TV serving as a long blast of hype for the next PPV...and even during the 90s, PPVs seemed like vehicles to promote the next night's TV show. At the time, though, this wasn't done so much.

Sure, we enjoyed our sodas and wings and burgers, but we were paying money to see a TV show. But instead of putting on the best TV show it could, the WWF turned one of its showcase events into a long commercial for another expensive program a mere two days later, one that the bar, as far as we knew, wouldn't even be showing. Besides, it was on a school night.

Not that we would have rushed back two nights later to shell out for that. Yes, we knew wrestling was a con before that Sunday night, but witnessing the big sell for That Tuesday in Texas was the first experience we had paying for the product and getting screwed. From that point on, we knew all too well the nature of the relationship between the industry and its consumers.

So I get a real kick out of watching Survivor Series again after all this years and, more importantly, finally seeing This Tuesday in Texas. I can appreciate the ridiculous bait and switch of the former now that I'm older and wiser and not as invested in it. As for the latter, it's fairly weak except for that Savage-Roberts match (which didn't even end their feud, meaning that it would drag on to yet another big event), and I'm glad I didn't fall for their scheme and pay for it back then.

Of course, now that I think about it, I watched This Tuesday in Texas on WWE 24/7...which is...wait a minute...a pay service. I pay every month to see this stuff.

D'oh! They're STILL getting me!

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