Friday, December 3, 2010

If "Dancing with the Stars" doesn't get Todd Palin...

Yesterday, I read reports that the ABC hit show "Dancing with the Stars" is trying to get TODD Palin on the next season. After extensive investigative reporting, I've discovered that the producers are covering all their bases, though, and have created a backup plan. If they cannot get Todd, these are the next-best options they have targeted, in order of preference:

1) Jethro Palin (distant Palin cousin from the Ozarks; said to be a "real hoot")
2) Bullwinkle Palin (The family's pet moose)
3) Bear (A wild bear that Sarah reportedly shot and wounded on a hunting trip last summer; made peace with the family and is now a confidant)
4) The adult film star who played Sarah Palin in "Nailin' Palin"
5) Ann Coulter (Producers will ask Tom Bergeron to call her "Pale Ann" and say it really fast)
6) Bristol Palin wearing a mask (she will be billed as the mysterious "Brayin' Pistol" and will deny her true identity until she is unmasked late in the season)
7) The Palins' letter carrier
8) Darla Hughes (a grad student from Massachusetts who, at a secret tryout, wowed producers with her impersonation of Tina Fey impersonating Sarah Palin)
9) Michael Palin (not the former Monty Python star; just a married schoolteacher and father of 3 who happens to be named "Palin")
10) A real star

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