Monday, January 28, 2008

Why I Don't Need to See The Bucket List

Every Wednesday, my local indie movie theater of choice hosts Senior Day, where all tickets all day long are sharply discounted for our older members of society.

On the weekend of its release, "The Bucket List" was the number one box office earner in America. It continues to draw moviegoers and appears to be a bona-fide hit.

Ergo, there must have somehow been a whole weekend or two worth of Wednesdays all over the country.

Really, America, I was going to say "shame on you" for making that the number one movie last weekend, but why should I blame all of you? I blame the seniors. I mean, why in the world would anyway under the age of 60 pay anything approaching full price to see it?

It doesn't take a film scholar to see what's wrong with this one. In fact, it doesn't even take a viewing of the actual film. Just by watching this trailer for "The Bucket List," I can tell you some of the things that are wrong with it:

*"A Film by Rob Reiner."
--Game, set, match, but I can't do all that setup with only this as the payoff, so I'll keep going.

*Spoiler Alert:
--The preview makes all too clear the Ultimate Fate of one of the major characters. I guess it wouldn't be a huge surprise, given the title of the movie and the premise, but still, talk about taking away incentive to pay for the product.

*Faux Self-effacement:
--That premise is introduced as Morgan Freeman explains to Jack Nicholson that umpteen years ago, his professor gave an assignment to make a list of things they wanted to do before they..."Kick the bucket," Jack finishes. "Cutesy."
How many times do filmmakers need to be told? Acknowledging the basic lameness of your concept in the work itself does not make the concept any more acceptable. Come on, Meathead, you should know better.

*All-too-familiar rock songs to manipulate our mood:
--In this case, Joe Cocker's "Feelin' Alright" blares while our heroes jump out of a plane. YEAH! We feel alive! Because Nicholson booming, "THIS is living!" isn't enough.

*Might I add that here we also see Freeman "comically" yelling "I hate your guts" in sitcom fashion.
--Oh, will these two terminally ill patients make it through their list without killing each other? Hijinks ensue!

*Cheesy fake locales:
--Ladies and gents, Reiner gives you the pyramids and the Taj Mahal...or does he? No, I don't think he does.

*Sappy tone shift:
--Note the music change at 1:40, as we are told this is not just a laugh riot, but a Serious Movie. Oh, Rob, how did you miss the Oscar eligibility deadline?

*"Jack being Jack":
The clip begins with Jack quirkily sniffing a hot beverage. This is a signifier that movie audiences need not worry--Jack's not gonna try that becoming the character stuff. No, in this one, he's gonna be Jack. And if you still don't believe it. check out the classic Jackle (a Jack Nicholson cackle) at 1:59.

*Embrace of a little girl:
--You just know this indicates rampant sentimentality. Old people being cute, young people being cute...If only Reiner had worked a puppy into this trailer.

*The last shot:
--At the end, Sean Hayes tells Jack, "I'm proud of you," to which Jack responds, "Nobody cares what you think," complete with a condescending pat on the shoulder. To me, this is clearly intended as an audience "Whoo-hoo!" moment, you know, with the stuffy Hayes getting a comeuppance from our good, old buddy Jack. Problem is, based on what we see in the clip, Hayes is just doing his job, while Jack is kind of a jerk. So why does Hayes need a comeuppance (I mean, other than for being so over the top on Will & Grace all those years)? It just looks the main character is a jerk. What a way to close out your feel-good trailer.

All this makes me want to avoid "The Bucket List" at any cost, but especially the cost of a full-price movie ticket. I didn't even mention You Know Who saying, "The wheels of the bus go round and round."

If you saw the same stuff I did and still saw or are planning to see "The Bucket List," I hope your experience turns out better than I fear it will. I also hope you make the early-bird special at the buffet.

No comments: